Horace: Wolfman's got nards!
Horace: [to Sean] Scary German guy is bitchin'!
Scary German Guy: [as Sean, Patrick, and Horace are leaving Scary German Guy's house] I expect you boys thought I was some kind of monster myself, mm? A vampire, perhaps? That's quite all right. But I am not, you know. If I were a vampire, then I wouldn't have a reflection...
[points to mirror, where he is clearly visible]
Scary German Guy: ... now would I?
Horace: Man, you sure know a lot about monsters.
Scary German Guy: Now that you mention it, I suppose I do.
[Scary German Guy closes door, revealing a concentration camp tattoo on his wrist]
Dracula: [holding Phoebe up by her throat] Give me the amulet, you BITCH!
[Dracula throws dynamite in the boys' tree house]
Dracula: Meeting adjourned.
[the tree house explodes]
Sean: If we pull this off, I'm gonna shit!
Eugene: Creature stole my twinkie!
Frankenstein: BOGUS! Bogus.
Rudy: Where the hell am I supposed to find silver bullets? Kmart?
Rudy: [after ridding the mummy] See ya later, Band-Aid Breath!
Patrick: Aww, man, fat kid farted!
[begging the cops to lock him up]
Wolfman: [fires two shots in the air] Lock me up!
Det. Del Crenshaw: [about the killer in the 12th Groundhog Day movie] I thought they killed him in the last one.
Sean: They did, he returns from the grave.
Det. Del Crenshaw: He always returns from the grave. If they blew him up, put his head in a blender and mailed the rest of him to Norway, he would still return from the grave!
Sean: That was part 7.
Opening Text: One hundred years before this story begins... it was a time of darkness in Transylvania... A time when Dr. Abraham Van Helsing... and a small band of freedom fighters... conspired to rid the world of vampires and monsters... and to save mankind from the forces of eternal evil... They blew it.
Rudy: See? Told ya. Only one way to kill a werewolf.
[At the treehouse the squad does a team huddle with their hands. Pete, the dog, lifts its paw on top]
Rudy: How does that dog get up here anyway?
Det. Del Crenshaw: Suck on this you son of a bitch!
Detective Sapir: So let me get this straight. You're telling me there was this two-thousand year-old mummy here, right? But now he's not here. He's gone. Vanished. History. And you're saying you didn't hear anybody come in here or leave, is that right? Can you hear me now? Hello!
Night Watchman: I can hear you fine.
Detective Sapir: So nobody took the mummy.
Night Watchman: I would've heard them.
Detective Sapir: 'Course he would've. What a stupid question. Did you take him?
Night Watchman: No sir!
Detective Sapir: Just a shot.
Eugene: Mummy came in my house.
Sean: I think there are monsters, like real ones! I heard my dad talking on the phone to a guy down at the police station tonight. There was a guy down there screaming he was a werewolf, and they shot him! And the body disappeared from the coroner van, the coroner guy was dead!
Rudy: So what? He got shot and the werewolf took his body?
Sean: No you bean head! He WAS a werewolf! Maybe
Rudy: Yeah but if they shot him?
Sean: It must've been regular bullets, not silver ones. Look I know this sounds stupid, a mummy disappeared from the museum tonight.
Eugene: Mummy came in my house!
Sean: Guys, Dracula might be here too.
Patrick: Oh man, Fat Kid farted!
Horace: Did not!
Sean: God damn will you guys SHUT UP? Didn't you hear a word I said? These guys are dead, get a clue! Something's out there and it's killing people! And if it's monsters, nobody's going to do a thing about it except us!
Phoebe: It's Frankenstein, guys. He's our friend. Come on, guys. Don't be chickenshits.