Reporter: Mr. Five, Mr. Five, how do you feel?
Johnny Five: How do I feel? I feel... ALIVE!
Ben Jarhvi: Oh, my, how time is fun when you're having flies, huh?
Oscar: What are you, punishment from God?
Ben Jahrvi: My name is B.E.N; I spell it Ben!
Johnny Five: Am not human, but am a life-form, have soul. But him me killed to try.
Fred: Hey wait a minute J5, what do you think you're gonna do?
Johnny Five: Pursue! Capture! Incarcerate!
Fred: Come on now man, these are serious guys! You're not in top form, and your backup battery is all used up!
Johnny Five: I'm okay-kay, just a few biddly-biddly Bugs Bunny to work out in out in! Perfectly functionality, functionality!
Fred: Oh yeah sure, listen to yourself, you can't even talk straight!
Johnny Five: Derf, a life-form's gotta do what a life-form's gotta do. Stand aside.
Johnny Five: [to book store clerk] Two excellent books. May I have these craphead?
Ben Jahrvi: Are you troubled by irregularity?
Ben Jarhvi: Oh, now, now we are un-employers.
Fred: Oh, look, we still got all of the robot parts in the van; I can get a new staff together...
Ben Jarhvi: But we are having no more money and now we are having no equipment. To assemble the robots with our naked hands, it would be slower than - than moles' asses in January.
Fred: I thought you said this thing mis-functioned on you.
Ben Jarhvi: Oh, that is a falsity. What actually happened was we were working on him one day and suddenly he is struck by lightning. And, from this moment on, he's having a mind of his own. So, the government tried to destroy him so he ran away. So, now he's living with my friend in Montana, in a cabin, in the woods, in... cognito.
[Johnny Five is chained up in police station]
Ben Jarhvi: What is this? He is delicate equipment! A completely unique, self-mobile, micro-computer robotics system!
Officer O'Malley: Yeah, we, uh... thought it was that.
Ben Jarhvi: O.K., Johnny Five, you are free to go.
Johnny Five: O.K.
[Johnny Five rips the heavy chains like paper]
Ben Jarhvi: [to Sandy] If it is O.K. with your Mom and Pop, would you like to go to a malt shop for a cheeseburger?
[Johnny Five is prompting Ben on his date with Sandy]
Ben Jarhvi: [reading sign] "Tu mama hace el amor con mi perro."
Sandy Banatoni: Wait. I know a little Spanish.
Johnny Five: [waving his arms] Oh, no no no. No no!
Sandy Banatoni: My mother... sleeps... with your dog?
Johnny Five: [covering his eyes] Oh, no!
Ben Jarhvi: Uh, well, that's an expression in-in my country, where, uh, sometimes we are speaking... Spanish. It does not mean that your mother is sleeping with my dog. Oh, no no. It means that, uh, the people that she is sleeping with, they are, they are like dogs!
Fred: I'm SORRY I tried to sell your god damned robot. Okay? It was a dirty trick. I'm a jerk. I'm a sleaze-ball.
Ben Jarhvi: You are getting warmer.
Fred: It's just that when you OWE as much money as I do, it kind of puts you under pressure. You know?
Ben Jarhvi: And who would be foolish enough to loan money to you?
Fred: [groans] Don't rub it in. I had to go to a shark.
Ben Jarhvi: Oh, dearie! Now you're expecting me to believe that you borrowed money from a fish!
Fred: No, no. A Loan Shark. It's somebody, if you don't pay them back right away, they start removing popular parts of your anatomy.
Chief: [after the cops have captured Johnny Five] Take him down to stolen goods.
Johnny Five: [furiously] I am NOT stolen goods!
Chief: [angrily] OUT!'!
Johnny Five: [while the cops take him away] But hath not a robot eyes? Hath not a robot hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? If you prick us, do we not bleed?'!
Chief: Yeah. Battery fluid, maybe.
Johnny Five: [to Jones, who is trying to confuse him with pig Latin] Ew-scray ou-yay, ozo-bay!
Johnny Five: Don't worry. My cousin was a Harley Davidson.
Zorro: [after seeing Johnny Five] I know what it is... it's a... it's a Mitsubishi
Johnny Five: Just a few ibdy... ibdy... bugs bunnies.
Johnny Five: [assembling Mini-#5] It's me! Isn't that SPECIAL?
Johnny Five: Hey you, here's Johnny!
Johnny Five: Doctor Ruth says, "Violence is an expression of sexual frustration".
Johnny Five: Oscar, you will not get away! I am really PISSED OFF!
Ben Jarhvi: Well, the real Number 5, he malfunctioned and, well, let us just say that... we were separated from our jobs.
Ben Jarhvi: [mumbling in his sleep, with the DAR Manual for Citizenship open on his chest] The government is divided into three trees... branches.
Ben Jarhvi: You have made many modifications upon your person, huh? You have come a long way from the Defense Department prototype.
Johnny Five: You betcha!
[parodying an electronics store's late-night TV ad]
Johnny Five: It's the all-new Johnny Five! Just look at these items! Increased memory: five hundred megabytes on-line! I come with a utility pack and dozens of gadgets for outdoor living, lots of Greenpeace stickers, and even my own Nike swoosh! And, if you act now, I'll throw in, absolutely free, my all-new, multi-frequency remote control!
[his antenna extends and a radio in the room activates]
Jones: Okay, Jerk-off. You're gonna get recycled.
Johnny Five: [imitating a Jewish man] Oh, yeah? Well, recycle this, you meshuggana schmuck!
Johnny Five: Get outta my face, you ugly motha!
Johnny Five: Tu mama hace el amor con mi perro!
[imitating Sylvester Stallone]
Johnny Five: Yo, come on, you bug-eyed geek.
[imitating Clint Eastwood]
Johnny Five: Do you feel lucky, punk?
Johnny Five: [Hang-gliding over the city] It's great up here... no problems... I wish I were a bird. Me, Chrome-Breasted Input Eater. Dream on, Johnny.
Johnny Five: [Peering into the bank vault] Hello, Lucy, I'm home!
Johnny Five: Oscar! You will not get away. I am really pissed off!
Johnny Five: Ok Oscar, I'll pass you off at the head.