Mario Mario: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em... then beat 'em.

Luigi: Hey Mario! You sure you know what you're doing?

Mario Mario: Sure, I'm doing 60 miles an hour!

Mario Mario: That's a heaping helpin' of moolah.

Luigi: Yeah and that's a lot of money too.

Link: [looking down Zelda's blouse from a tower] Hey, princess! Looking good! Espeacially from this angle!

[Luigi is holding a giant hypodermic needle]

Toad: This is the second biggest hyperthermic needle I've ever seen

Luigi: What was the biggest?

Toad: My last flu shot

Mario/Luigi: Pattycake, pattycake, Pasta Man / Gimme pasta power as fast as you can.

Blooper: I can take you on with seven arms tied behind my back

[repeated line]

Mario MarioLuigi: Yes, Mama.

Mario Mario: We need your Hocus Pocus. can you make us fly?

Genie: Fly? Do you know what a drain that is on me?

Luigi: No problem. Any drain you got, we can fix. We're plumbers.

Mario Mario: Tell you what, you make us fly and I'll grease your palm with a gold coin.

Genie: Now you're talking. Eeenie meenie miney mo. Make'em fly. I need the dough.

[Ray Charles' "Hit the Road Jack." can be heard in the background]

King Bowser Koopa: Hey mouse-brain, where's that music coming from?

Mouser #2: Maybe you left your radio on.

King Bowser Koopa: Don't be silly. This is pasta-land, radio hasn't been invented yet.

[repeated line]

Link: Well, Excuuuuuuse me, princess!

Madame Agogo: Ahooooooooo Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[a window shatters]

Luigi: Uh Madame Agogo, did you just summon up evil spirits?

Madame Agogo: No it was the Chilli Peppers I had for lunch

[drum fanfare]

Madame Agogo: , Now ask me whats the first thing on my mind!

Mario Mario: Ok whats the first thing on your mind?

Madame Agogo: My $25 fee

[drum fanfare]

Madame Agogo: course things don't come cheap you have to pay the rent

[Takes money from Mario]

Madame Agogo: Thank you, Mario, Luigi join hands!

Madame Agogo: [chanting as the lights dim down] Ohhhh ooohhh almight spirits/ with mighty eyes/ To Mario and Luigi/ Please don't tell lies,

[pause]

Madame Agogo: Ahhhhhh either all your questions will soon be answered,

Luigi: Or...?

Mario Mario: Or...?

Madame Agogo: Or we'll have to play a quick game of ring-around-the-rosie

[drum fanfare]

Madame Agogo: [after the Lengend of Zelda preview] I Fell!

Mario Mario: YES?

Madame Agogo: I Fell!

Luigi: YES?

Madame Agogo: I feel someone stepping on my foot!

[drum fanfare]

Mario MarioLuigi: [both look at the floor then make a gesture with their teeth and fingers] Neeurrgh!

Link: [making a dramatic entrance, swinging in on a rope] You called for a hero, princess?

Princess Zelda: Yes, but I guess you'll have to do.

Ganon, Moblins: [trying to figure out why Zelda is the only one who can see Link's spirit] The only way she could see him is if... she was in *love* with him.

Princess Zelda: Now don't get any ideas, buster!

Link: So you love me, eh?

Princess Zelda: Oh, I do *not*!

Link: [singing] Yes, you do. Yes, you do. That's why you can see me!

Princess Peach Toadstool: [as a baby]

[to Luigi]

Princess Peach Toadstool: More fasty, more fasty, Uncle Luigi.

King Bowser Koopa: [dressed as a baby] Stop or I'll tell on you. I've been hanging around these kids too long.

[Albatross drops a net on Koopa]

King Bowser Koopa: Net *them*, you idiots! Not me!

Toad: [Toad's snowboard fell into the snowbank] If that Koopa ruined my board, I'll...

Princess Peach Toadstool: Don't you care if we're all right, Toad?

Toad: Well, yeah, but my present?.

Princess Peach Toadstool: I guess your present means more than we do.

Toad: Well, it *is* Christmas. Uh, are you OK, Princess?

[Princess Toadstool glares at him with a mad look]

Link: [first lines of the series] Another beautiful day in the magical kingdom of Hyrule. Boring place! I used to roam the world, fighting monsters and sleeping in mud, a hero's life! Now, look at me, living in a castle, sleeping in a bed... art I sweet! Ugh! I'd like to know one good reason why I even stay here!

Mario Mario: Until next time, everybody...

Mario and Luigi: Do the Mario!

Sprite: [after seeing an old witch] What is this, ugly people day?

[Mario, Princess, and Toad ask Luigi to jump a gorge]

Luigi: I can't! Uh, I'm having a baby!

Luigi: [fakes labor pains]

[the rest of the group stare at Luigi incredulously, then, offscreen, push Luigi onscreen]

Luigi: [defeated] Well, it was worth a try.

King Bowser Koopa: [rapping] Troopas, let's go! Let's mount an attack!

[Trips over something]

King Bowser Koopa: Ow! That hurt! Ooh, oww, ack!

King Bowser Koopa: [repeated line to his army] Koopa Pack, Attack!

[repeated line]

Luigi: Suffering Spumoni!

Mario Mario: [Intro Line] Hey, Pisanos! It's the Super Mario Bros. Super Show!

Princess Zelda: [Intro, The title appears and the trianlge symbol turns into the triforce if wisdom, Zelda and Link walk into the room] This is the Triforce of Wisdom, Link. The evil wizard Gannon has the Triforce of Power.

[the scene goes to Gannon summoning his army of creaturs to head towards Zelda's castle]

Princess Zelda: Whoever gets both Triforces will rule this land forever, you must help me Link.

Link: Hey, for you Zelda, anything.

[upshot of the Brooklyn Bridge, two Albatrosses circle overhead]

King Bowser Koopa: [off camera] Okay, Troopas. Here is the new Koopa plan.

[scene cuts to King Koopa and a gathering of Koopatroopas and Bob-Ombs on the bridge]

King Bowser Koopa: [turns to group of Bob-Ombs] First, you Bob-Ombs are gonna blow up this Brooklyn Bridge!

[troops applaud loudly]

King Bowser Koopa: The Princess and the Mario brothers will be trapped, and we can take... step two...

Koopa Troopa: ...turn every citizen of Brooklyn into bricks!

[troops applaud once more]

King Bowser Koopa: Hold your applause. I know it's a genius idea, but I have them all the time.

Koopa Troopa: And then what happens, your royal repulsiveness?

King Bowser Koopa: I crown myself the King of "Koop-lyn" and I make all the laws. No plumbers, no pasta, no princesses, and Brooklyn accents are not allowed!

[troops cheer and applaud, camera pans to four trash cans, with Mario, Luigi, the Princess, and Toad hiding in each]

Princess Peach Toadstool: It's a good thing we found Koopa before he got away with all that.

King Bowser Koopa: Then as the old saying goes, he who koops and runs away lives to koop another day!

Link: [Link's a ghost] Don't tell me you only love me for my body.

Princess Zelda: Ha! It's just that without your body you're even more useless.

Sultan: These priceless jewels are yours. When you join my harem.

Princess Peach Toadstool: Me, join a harem? Oh give me a break! Harems are from the stupid olden days!

Sultan: I like the stupid olden days!

Luigi: Look at that loot! Diamonds, gold, rubies... It must be worth over a 100 bucks!

Mario Mario: [Two lions surround Mario and Luigi during the Gladiator games] OK, you guys are suppose to be the kings of the beasts, right?

Lion: You got it, you chubby little chunck of lunch meat!

Mario Mario: If you're really kings, you would be having an Emperor for dinner, instead of two measly plumbers!

Lion: He's got a point, Henry.