Scott Turner: Don't eat the car! Not the car! Oh, what am I yelling at you for? You're a dog!
Scott Turner: These are the simple rules. No barking, now growling, you will not lift your leg to anything in this house. This is not your room. No slobbering, no chewing, you will wear a flea collar. This is not your room. No begging for food, no sniffing of crotches, and you will not drink from my toilet. This is not your room.
Scott Turner: [Hooch won't stop barking] Alright, what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to stand out on the porch all night long?
Neighbor: Give him a Valium, Turner! Take one yourself!
Scott Turner: [Yells] Hey, shut up! I'm a policeman! Gu - Want your car towed?
[Hooch goes inside the house, knocking the door shut. It's locked]
Scott Turner: OH NO! AAH! Ah, you stupid dog! AH, YA STUPID DOG!
Scott Turner: [Hooch won't stop barking at night; shouting] What? What? What is it? What? What? If you're hungry, finish the hamburgers! Eat the buns! Eat the buns! You're not thirsty, you're not touching the water, the orange juice, cranapple - what am I supposed to do? Make you a Margarita? SHUT UP! GOD, SHUT UP! This has been going on for two and a half hours! BE QUIET!
Emily Carson: Well, it's a nice night, and I have to walk Camille. Do you want to take a walk with me?
Scott Turner: No. No. Well, you see, I'm starting to like you, and if we're going to walk I'm just going to like you even more, and then one day we might even end up in love and everything will go on fine for a while, but-but then one day *bang* you're gonna call me a selfish compulsive bastard! You're gonna pull your hair, you're gonna scream and you're gonna say you never want to see me again because I drive you crazy, and I'm left shattered. Now, who needs that? Good night!"
Scott Turner: Here's a muffin for Hooch. I got a muffin for Hooch. Here's a muffin for Hooch. I got a muffin for Hooch. Here's a muffin for Hooch. I brought a muffin for Hooch! Here's a muffin Hooch... I GOT A MUFFIN FOR HOOCH!