UHF (1989)

Stanley Brock: Uncle Harvey

Photos 

Quotes 

• Esther Bilchik : [after Harvey gets home from playing poker, referring to the piece of paper in his pocket]  What's this?

  Harvey Bilchik : Oh, it's the deed to channel 62. I won it with a pair of sevens. I was bluffing.

  Esther Bilchik : Channel 62? Never heard of it.

  Harvey Bilchik : I'm not surprised. More people watch the fish tank at Leo's pet store.

• George Newman : Hey, Philo, you really worked beyond the ecology on this one, thanks!

  Philo : I'm glad to have been of service, George. Well, it appears that my work on this planet is complete. I must now return to my homeworld... on the planet Zarquon.

  George Newman : [dubious]  Okay, well. Have fun!

  [Philo leaves George and Teri] 

  George Newman : [sees his uncle]  Hey, Uncle Harvey!

  Harvey Bilchik : Hey, kid, way to go! I always knew you had it in you! You're okay!

  [Behind them, unnoticed, Philo morphs into a weird alien and flashes away] 

• R.J. Fletcher : [Just as Harvey is about to sign U-62 over to Fletcher, George raises the last of the $75 thousand needed to pay off Big Louie]  Now wait just one minute! What do you think you're doing?

  George Newman : ...WE DID IT! THE STATION'S OURS!

  Harvey Bilchik : [Everybody cheers as a triumphant fanfare plays, amid fireworks]  Wow, look at that!

  [He tears up Fletcher's bill of sale without signing] 

  R.J. Fletcher : [furious]  YOU CAN'T DO THIS! We had an agreement, remember? An oral contract! I'll sue!

  Harvey Bilchik : Blow it out your ear, scuzzbag!

  FCC Man : Are you R.J. Fletcher?

  R.J. Fletcher : So what if I am?

  FCC Man : I'm John Vector of the FCC. I noticed that your station is late in filing for its license renewal this year. Normally, this kind of violation is punishable by a very stiff fine. But I've seen your recent editorial; it made a very big impression on me, and on the community.

  R.J. Fletcher : Oh, now, just wait a second; I was framed!

  [indicates George] 

  R.J. Fletcher : He set me up!

  FCC Man : Yeah... Well, that's what they all say, isn't it? So I'm revoking your license, effective immediately.

  R.J. Fletcher : [stuttering]  But, but haven't I - but, but how can...!

  FCC Man : No, no buts about it. You're off the air, period. Good luck finding a new career!

  Pamela Finklestein : Pamela Finklestein here, coming to you with the most incredible turn of events. Not only has the once-powerful corporate broadcasting giant known as Channel 8 been thoroughly crushed and defeated at their own dirty game... But now, as luck would have it, they've been permanently stripped of their license by the FCC!

  [turns directly to Fletcher; stern tone] 

  Pamela Finklestein : So what do you have to say about it, you worthless slobbering pig?

  [She winks at the camera] 

• Harvey Bilchik : [lounging in his pool, answering his phone]  Yo, Big Louie! What's up?

  Big Louie : Bad news, Mr. Bilchik. None of your horses came in.

  [He attaches a large steel cleaver to his wrist, where his hand should be] 

  Harvey Bilchik : Aw, too bad. So what's the damage?

  Big Louie : Seventy-five thousand dollars. In cash. By Friday.

  [He chops through a big sausage, which a servant has placed on his desk before him] 

  Big Louie : [to himself, after Big Louie rings off]  I'm dead meat.