Sex, Lies, and Videotape (1989)

Andie MacDowell: Ann

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Quotes 

• Graham : You're right, I've got a lot of problems... But they belong to me.

  Ann : You think they're yours, but they're not. Everybody that walks in that door becomes part of your problem. Anybody that comes in contact with you. I didn't want to be part of your problem, but I am. I'm leaving my husband, and maybe I would have anyway, but the fact is, is, I'm doing it now, and part of it's because of you. You've had an effect on my life.

  Graham : This isn't supposed to happen. I've spent nine years structuring my life so this didn't happen.

• Ann : So let me see, you said, um, you said that I should never take advice from someone that I haven't had sex with, right... right?

  Graham : Basically.

  Ann : Right. And, uh, *we* haven't had sex...

  [giggle] 

  Ann : right?

  Graham : So...

  Ann : So, I, I, I guess from your own advice, I shouldn't take your advice.

  Graham : I wouldn't.

• John Mullany : I'm sorry?

  Graham : No, it's just, I, you know, I just think - right now I have one key and everything I own is in the car, and I just... I like that, you know? I mean, I just, if I get an apartment, that two keys, if I... get a job, you know, I might have to open or close, that's more keys, you know, buy some stuff, I'm afraid it's gonna get ripped off, or something, and I get more keys, and I just, I, you know, I just like having the one key, it's clean.

  Ann : You're not gonna worry in losing them, I always lose my keys, I hate that.

• Ann : My life is shit. It's just shit. Nothing's what I thought it was. John's a bastard. Let's make a videotape.

  Graham : No, I... ahem... I don't think that's a good idea.

  Ann : Why not?

  Graham : Because I don't think it's a choice that you'd make in a normal frame of mind.

  Ann : And what would you know about a normal frame of mind?

  Graham : That's a good question.

• Ann : I think that um... I think that sex is overrated. I think that people place far too much importance on it, and I think that stuff about women wantin' it just as bad as men is crap. I mean I think that women want it, I just don't think that they want it for the same reason that men think they do.

• Ann : I want to know why you are the way you are!

  Graham : And I'm telling you it's not any one thing that I can point to and say "That's why!" It doesn't work that way with people who have problems, Ann, it's not that neat, it's not hat tidy! It's not a series of little boxes that you can line up and count. Things just don't happen that way.

• Ann : I want out of this marriage.

  John Mullany : What?

  Ann : I. Want. Out. Of. This. *Marriage.*

• [first lines] 

  Ann : Garbage. All I've been thinking about all week is garbage. I mean, I just can't stop thinking about it.

• Ann : Being happy isn't all that great. I mean... the last time I was... really happy... I got really fat.

• [Accepting John's claim that he's not cheating on her] 

  Ann : I've just got all this time on my hands, and I just sit around and start inventing these, like, intricate scenarios...

  [giggles] 

  Ann : And then I don't want to have wasted all my time, so I want to believe in them.

• Ann : Anyway, being happy isn't all that great. I mean, the last time I was really happy... I got so fat. I must have put on 25 pounds. I thought John was gonna have a stroke.

• Ann : You know, my therapist...

  Graham : You're in therapy?

  Ann : Aren't you?

• Barfly : It's a nice dress.

  Ann : Thanks. I thought so, too.

  Barfly : Looks like a tablecloth.

• Ann : I thought about you. Have you thought about me?

  Graham : Yes.

  Ann : What did you think?

  Graham : I thought about what you would look like having an orgasm.

  Ann : I'd like to know what I look like havin' an orgasm. Can you do that?

• Ann : It makes me angry because I can't justify being angry.

• Ann : Did he touch you?

  Cynthia : No.

  Ann : Did you touch him?

  Cynthia : No.

  Ann : Did anybody touch anybody?

  Cynthia : Well... yes.

  Ann : Don't tell me... don't tell me... don't tell me. You didn't!

  Cynthia : I did.

  Ann : You didn't!

  Cynthia : I did.

  Ann : You didn't!

  Cynthia : I did!

  Ann : God, Cynthia! You're in trouble.

  Cynthia : Listen to you. You sound like Mama.

• Ann : So, all these are... are interviews, huh?

  Graham : Uh, yes.

  Ann : Can we watch one?

  Graham : No, I'd - uh, no.

  Ann : Why not?

  Graham : Well, I... promised each of the subjects that no one would see the videotapes except for me.

  Ann : What are the interviews about?

  Graham : The interviews are about sex.

  Ann : Sex? What about sex?

  Graham : Everything about sex.

  Ann : Like what?

  Graham : What they've done. What they do. What they want to do; but, are afraid to ask for. What they wouldn't do even if asked.

• [last lines] 

  Ann : I think it's gonna rain.

  Graham : [chuckles]  It is raining.

  Ann : Yeah.

• [John said he wasn't fucking Cynthia] 

  Ann : You never used to say the word "fucking."

• Ann : Well, what did he ask exactly?

  Cynthia : Well, I don't want to tell you exactly.

  Ann : You let a total stranger record your sexual life on videotape, but you won't tell your own sister?

  Cynthia : Apparently.

• Barfly : This is too much. I'm wearing red, you're wearing red. That's quite a coincidence...

  Ann : Look, I'm married.

  Barfly : Really? Are you very married?

  Ann : Married enough

  Barfly : Oh. Oh. I see. Well, that shouldn't stop us...

  Ann : I'm just here to see my sister. OK?

  Barfly : Oh, really? Who's your sister?... Is she married?

• Barfly : OK, now, you're wearing blue, I'm wearing blue. Is this some sort of weird coincidence?

  Ann : I don't think so.

  Barfly : I think it's something more.

  Ann : Do you live here?

  Barfly : No. I'm just passing through.

• Graham : Do you have orgasms?

  Ann : I don't think so. I mean, I guess, since I'm not sure, that I've never had one.

• Therapist : How are things with John?

  Ann : Oh, they're fine. I mean, they're fine. Except for I'm kinda going through this thing where I don't want him to touch me.

• Graham : I'm impotent.

  Ann : You're what?

  Graham : Impotent.

  Ann : You are?

  Graham : Yeah, well, I can't - I can't get an erection - in the presence of another person. So, for all practical purposes, I'm impotent.

  Ann : Does that bother you?

  Graham : No.

  Ann : Does it make you feel - self-conscious?

  Graham : Um, not usually. No, yeah. Yeah, I'm self-conscious. Um, I'm not in the same way you are.

  Ann : Me? Me, you think I'm self-conscious?

  Graham : Well, I've been watching you. You know, I've been watching you. I've watched you eat, you know, I've watched you speak, I've watched you move, and I - I see somebody who is extremely aware of people looking at.

• Ann : Why do these tapes all have women's names on them?

  Graham : Well, I enjoy interviewing women more than men.

• Ann : God, Cynthia, I couldn't even do that in front of John.

  Cynthia : You couldn't even do it period.

• John Mullany : Isn't therapy helping at all?

  Ann : Oh, John, I don't know. I just feel so stupid sitting there talking about my little problems when I know those poor children are starving.

  John Mullany : Well, quitting your therapy's not gonna - not gonna feed the children in Ethiopia.

• Ann : So, where do you get your money from? For rent and - tapes - and stuff like that?

  Graham : Underneath my mattress.

  Ann : And what are you going to do when this money runs out?

• Graham : Have you ever been on television?

  Ann : Television? No, no. Why - why?

  Graham : I was just curious.

• Ann : I brought you this. I knew it was your birthday.

  [Hands Cynthia a potted plant] 

  Cynthia : Thanks.

  Barfly : It's a nice plant. Looks like a tablecloth.

• Ann : I always lose my keys. I hate that.

• Ann : You can't possibly trust him. He's perverted.

• Ann : That's beautiful... That's really beautiful.

• John Mullany : Ann, answer me. Answer me, god dammit. Did he?

  Ann : Yes.

  [Prepares to slap Ann but backs off] 

  John Mullany : That backstabbing son of a bitch! Oh, Mr. Honesty, huh!

• Ann : I'm sure he probably wishes that I would initiate things once in awhile - and I would except for - it just never occurs to me, And the few times I have felt like, I was by myself.

  Therapist : Did you do anything?

  Ann : What do you mean?

  Therapist : Did you masturbate?

  Ann : Oh!

  [laughs] 

  Ann : Oh, oh. God, no! No. Uh-uh.

  Therapist : I take it from your response that you never masturbate?

  Ann : Well, I tried once. It just seemed so stupid!

  [laughs] 

  Ann : I don't know, it just seemed like a dumb thing to do and, God, you know, and then I started worrying that my dead grandfather was maybe watching me, you know, and oh - oh, it just seemed is stupid.

• Ann : It's his house. He pays the mortgage.

  Therapist : Yes, but he asked you to quit your job and you do have housework.

  Ann : Yeah, I have housework. That's true.

• Ann : You don't believe in therapy?

  Graham : No, I - I, you know, I - I believe in it for some people. I - I don't know, it was silly for me. I was confused going in. So, I just - I formed my own theory that - you should never take advice from someone that doesn't know you intimately.

  Ann : Oh, but, I'm - I know my therapist intimately.

  Graham : Oh, you've had sex with your therapist.

  Ann : No! No. No.

  Graham : Oh, I'm sorry. That's what I meant.

• Ann : Graham - that's an unusual name.

  Graham : Yeah. Yeah, I guess it is. My mother is a complete Anglophile, anything British makes her drool like a baby. So, she - you know, I mean she heard the name in a movie or something. She's a prisoner of public television now.

• Cynthia : Even if I decided to fuck his brains out, what business is that of yours?

  Ann : Why do you have to say that?

  Cynthia : Say what?

  Ann : You know what. You say it just to irritate me.

  Cynthia : I say it because its descriptive.

• Ann : Cynthia, I don't think he's your type.

  Cynthia : My type. How would you know what my type is?

  Ann : Oh, I have a pretty good idea.

  Cynthia : Ann, you don't have a clue.

• Ann : Do whatever it is you do.

  Cynthia : "Do whatever it is you do" - listen to the way you talk.

• Ann : Did he ask you to take your clothes off?

  Cynthia : Did he ask me to take my clothes off? No, he didn't.

  Ann : Did you take your clothes off?

  Cynthia : Yes, I did.

  Ann : Cynthia!

  Cynthia : What?

  Ann : Why did you do that?

  Cynthia : Because I wanted to.

  Ann : But why did you want to?

  Cynthia : Because I wanted him to see me.

  Ann : You crazy - he can bounce it off some satellite. Some horny old men in South America could be watching it.

  Cynthia : Ann, he wouldn't do that!

  Ann : You don't know that for sure.

  Cynthia : Well, it's too late now, isn't it.

• Cynthia : [on the phone]  He just asked me questions.

  Ann : What kind of questions?

  Cynthia : Questions - about - sex.

• Ann : So what do you have to do to get ready?

  Graham : Load a tape and turn on the camera.

  Ann : Do it.

• Ann : He's kind of arty but okay,

• Ann : You just ask them questions?

  Graham : Yes.

  Ann : And they answer them?

  Graham : Yeah. Mostly. Sometimes they do things.

  Ann : To you?

  Graham : No. To - for the camera.

• Ann : What are these?

  Graham : Those are videotapes.

  Ann : I can see that. Of what?

  Graham : It's a - personal project I've been working on.

  Ann : What kind of personal project?

  Graham : What?

  Ann : What kind of personal project.

  Graham : A personal project like anyone else's personal project. Mine's just a little more personal, I guess.

• John Mullany : Are you comfortable there?

  Ann : Yeah, I'm comfortable.

  John Mullany : Okay, I'm recording. Tell me your name.

• Ann : That's how Cynthia thinks. I hate it when I have feelings that she has. It bothers me when I think about men; because, I know that's the way she thinks.

• Ann : I've never really been that much into sex. I mean, I like it and everything; but, you know, I just don't think it's such a big deal and, oh, I wouldn't miss it, you know, kind of thing. But, well lately I've just been kinda curious about how things have slacked off.