Have I Got News for You (1990– )

Victoria Coren Mitchell: Self - Guest Presenter, Self

Photos 

Quotes 

• Victoria Coren Mitchell : I certainly recognise it as a face!

  Andy Hamilton : That's the nicest thing a woman's ever said to me...

• Victoria Coren Mitchell : I went to my optician and said I'd like something a Librarian would wear in a porn film, and he said he was sorry but he had no idea what I was talking about.

  Romesh Ranganathan : He probably hadn't been in many libraries.

  Eddie Izzard : He chose well.

  Victoria Coren Mitchell : Moving on, then.

• Victoria Coren Mitchell : Did you see Simon Cowell smoking around his pregnant girlfriend? In his car, fagging away...

  Ian Hislop : Really? Well I thought he was Eeeevil before...

• Ian Hislop : Ah, Fraulein, the Cathedral is on the other side of the Square!

  Victoria Coren Mitchell : How dare you!

  Paul Merton : The Pigeons are flying High above Krakow, tonight! See, the fat lady has ordered dinner, but wants no dessert to follow!

• Victoria Coren Mitchell : This is like a terrible Family Christmas!

• Jo Brand : Shall we play a quick game of Fox or Cat?

  Victoria Coren Mitchell : That is literally the best game I've ever played.

• Victoria Coren Mitchell : He'd make a deal with the Klingons for a whiff of power.

  Ian Hislop : I don't know, I think the Klingon Manifesto was pretty good.

• Victoria Coren Mitchell : Oil is no longer a dirty word. Well, for some it's refined, for others it's crude.

• Alexander Armstrong - Guest Presenter : Police dogs will receive what?

  Ian Hislop : Pensions!

  Victoria Coren Mitchell : I can't believe no-one said Truncheon Meat!

• Victoria Coren Mitchell : You say this thing about women being better at finding the mustard in the pantry. Is that a euphemism? Do you find yourself, with women, looking for the mustard and never quite finding it?

• Victoria Coren Mitchell : Let's talk about Labour MP Karl McCartney.

  Paul Merton : Karl McCartney. I never thought I'd hear that name again. 17 years ago in Cairo we kissed on the Balcony of the Grand Hotel...

• Victoria Coren Mitchell : May I say, you're very attractive!

  Jacob Rees-Mogg : My wife is in the audience!

• Victoria Coren Mitchell : Oh my God, he's one of those people who likes Cat Calendars and Cat memorabilia, they should deport him!

  Jo Brand : Where does he live?

  Victoria Coren Mitchell : Catford.

  Jo Brand : Whey!

• Jo Brand : Do you know the name of the guy who jumped off the ferry?

  Victoria Coren Mitchell : It starts with M and it sounds a bit New Zealandy.

• Jo Brand : Anyone here ever thrown a dwarf?

  Victoria Coren Mitchell : What sort of answer do you expect for that?

• Victoria Coren Mitchell : Is it that one of them can stand up while the others can't?

  Jo Brand : No, no, no, no, no! It's slightly more complex than that.

  Victoria Coren Mitchell : I hope so.

• Victoria Coren Mitchell : It's like if you moved in somewhere and someone came round to say "Hi, we're your NON-DOGGING neighbours!"

  [meaningful nod] 

• Victoria Coren Mitchell : Aubergine, aubergine, chairleg.