Hyacinth: This is not the Chinese restaurant. This is a residential number and you are speaking to the lady of the house on a white, slim line telephone with last number redial facility.

[she pronounces it "Bouquet", and very, very shrilly]

Hyacinth: The Bucket residence, the lady of the house speaking!

Hyacinth: It's Bouquet! B-U-C-K-E-T!

[repeated line]

Hyacinth: Sheridaaaaaaan!

Hyacinth: [in the car] Mind the horse.

Richard Bucket: It's in the field.

[repeated line]

Someone: Oh damn! It's the Bucket woman!

Onslow: [to Daisy] What discourages me about looking for your father is we usually find him.

Hyacinth: Beautiful day Elizabeth!

Elizabeth Hawksworth Warden: Yes, isn't it?

Hyacinth: Completely conducive to contemplating cozy charismatic country cottages!

Elizabeth Hawksworth Warden: I'm sorry Hyacinth, when I'm in this house I go to pieces.

Hyacinth: Well some people just can't help being clumsy.

Emmet Hawksworth: [repeated line about Hyacinth in a sad and depressed tone] She'll sing at me, I know she will.

Richard Bucket: Hyacinth, do you ever wonder why Sheridan shows very little interest in girls?

[repeated line]

Hyacinth: It's my sister Violet! She's the one with the Mercedes, swimming pool, and room for a pony.

Hyacinth: I've just been insulted on my own telephone!

Richard Bucket: I expect the opportunities are rare for being insulted on somebody else's.

Hyacinth: Listen, Daisy. Tell Onslow to put a shirt on while I'm on the telephone. I can always sense him there, expanding.

Hyacinth: Mind the pedestrian, Richard.

Richard Bucket: Minding the pedestrian...

Hyacinth: [on the phone] No, I will not send over another portion of deep-fried squid. This is not the Chinese take-away. You are connected to a private residence on a white, slimlined telephone with last-number redial facility.

Hyacinth: Oh, Richard. You know how much I love daddy. I would have him here if it wasn't for all the time he spends in the bathroom.

Hyacinth: It's Bouquet!

Hyacinth: Sit wherever you like, dear... *except* there! I always like to face the window.

[repeated line]

Onslow: Oh, nice!

Onslow: Daisy, I am not just a play thing.

Hyacinth: [to Richard, after she picks up the phone] It's Sheridan!

Richard Bucket: How much does he want?

Hyacinth: Oh, stop it, Richard! I'm sure he's just calling to say hello to his mommy.

[on the phone, to Sheridan]

Hyacinth: Now, what is it dear?

[stops and blinks]

Hyacinth: You want 90?

Hyacinth: And you are?... Regional Postal Manager. I guess you will do, though I would have preferred to speak to someone on a national scale.

Hyacinth: Today could be the day I'm mistaken for somebody important.

[repeated line]

Hyacinth: Coffee in ten minutes, Elizabeth! Bring Emmet!

Hyacinth: I would be very pleased if you would accept my invitation to one my candlelight suppers.

Hyacinth: If my Sheridan were here he'd be appalled!

Hyacinth: Richard a little decorum please, that is not the sort of behaviour one would expect from a person with a reservation for a quailty cruise

Hyacinth: All the men like Rose, that's her problem.

Hyacinth: What a wonderful sense of duty Daddy has.

Hyacinth: [repeated line: Richard goes to pick up the front gate to Daisy and Onslow's after if falls off] Leave it! Leave it!

Rose: Onslow, father's on the roof again!

Onslow: Ask him if he's got my bottle opener!

[repeated line]

Hyacinth: It's my sister Daisy. She's not the one with the Mercedes, sauna and room for a pony.

Hyacinth: Take your shoes off before you enter the house, dear.

Hyacinth: Rose, that skirt's too short!

Hyacinth: I want you to instruct your superiors that this is a first class stamp residence.

Hyacinth: Ooooh! It's the Chairlady of the Women's Luncheon Club.

Richard Bucket: Ewww...

[repeated line]

Hyacinth: Now don't be silly, Richard!

Hyacinth: Oh, don't make difficulties, Richard!

Hyacinth: Your suggestion is noted. However, I see little practical merit in having the telephone up my jumper!

Onslow: [Repeated line] Is there any more beer?

Hyacinth: [on Daddy] I'd have him at home if it wasn't for the dribbling.

[repeated line]

Rose: Bog off, Onslow!

Onslow: [wincing while waking up] Oh! I've had a terrible night.

Daisy: I know. I was there.