Grandpa Fred: [interviewing Brain Gremlin] Creature what is it that you want?

Brain Gremlin: Fred, what we want is, I think, what everyone wants, and what you and your viewers have: civilization.

Grandpa Fred: Yes, but what sort of civilization are you speaking of?

Brain Gremlin: The niceties, Fred. The fine points: diplomacy, compassion, standards, manners, tradition... that's what we're reaching toward. Oh, we may stumble along the way, but civilization, yes. The Geneva Convention, chamber music, Susan Sontag. Everything your society has worked so hard to accomplish over the centuries, that's what we aspire to; we want to be civilized.

[a Gremlin with a beanie cap acts goofy next to Brain]

Brain Gremlin: You take a look at this fellow here.

[Brain shoots the Gremlin in the head. The Gremlins in the bar laugh. Grandpa Fred and Kujitsu leave]

Brain Gremlin: Now, was that civilized? No, clearly not. Fun, but in no sense civilized. Now, bear in mind, none of us has been in New York before. There are the Broadway shows - we'll have to find out how to get tickets. There's also a lot of street crime, but I believe we can watch that for free. We want the essentials. Dinettes. Complete bedroom groups. Convenient credit, even though we've been turned down in the past.

Building Announcement: Fire: The Untamed Element, Oldest of Man's Mysteries, Giver of warmth, Destroyer of forests, right now *this* building is on fire.

Woman In Corridor: What?

Building Announcement: Yes! The building is on fire! Leave the building! Enact the Age Old drama of Self-Preservation!

Building Announcement: Tonight, on the Clamp Cable Classic Movie Channel, don't miss Casablanca, now in full color with a happier ending.

Kate Beringer: Elevator, sound alarm!

Bunch of Gremlins: ENH! ENH! ENH! ENH! ENH! ENH! ENH!

Building Announcement: Because of the end of civilization, the Clamp Cable Network now leaves the air. We hope you've enjoyed our programming, but more importantly, we hope you've enjoyed... life.

Gremlin #1: [repeated phrase while on telephone in stock exchange] BUY! BUY! BUY!

Gremlin #2: [repeated phrase while on telephone in stock exchange] SELL! SELL! SELL!

Brain Gremlin: [on telephone] Well, it's rather brutal here. Right now we are advising all our clients to put everything they've got into canned food and shotguns.

Grandpa Fred: They put me on at 3am. People who are awake at 3am aren't afraid of the Wolfman. The only thing that frightens those people is sobering up and going to work.

Greta the Gremlin: Oh, why can't you commit?

Peggy, the Lab Receptionist: Dr. Catheter, this just came for you.

Dr. Catheter: Ah, splendid. This must be my malaria.

[sees it's not]

Dr. Catheter: Rabies. I've got rabies, and I'm supposed to get the flu this week.

Peggy, the Lab Receptionist: I think we have the flu out on back order.

[sneezes into tissue]

Dr. Catheter: May I have that Peggy?

Peggy, the Lab Receptionist: Sure.

Dr. Catheter: Thank you.

[stuffs it into his pocket; muttering to himself]

Dr. Catheter: Back order, back order. All a man wants is some fresh germs!

Hulk Hogan: Gremlins? In this theater? Now?

Daffy the Gremlin: [armed with drill] Is it safe?

[Gizmo is dressed like Rambo]

Kate Beringer: What happened to HIM?

Billy Peltzer: I dunno. I guess they pushed him too far.

Dr. Catheter: All they have to do is to eat three or four children and there'd be the most appalling publicity.

Hulk Hogan: Okay you guys, listen up! People pay good money to see this movie! When they go out to a theater they want cold sodas, hot popcorn, and no monsters in the projection booth! Do I have to come up there myself? Do you think the Gremsters can stand up to the Hulkster? Well, if I were you, I'd run the rest of Gremlins 2! Right now! Sorry folks, it won't happen again.

[theater audience applauds and cheers]

Building Announcement: Would the owner of the car with license number 1AG 401 please remove it from the CLAMP parking garage, your car is old, and dirty.

Daffy Duck: Still lurking about? Don't you people have homes?

[after being electrocuted the Gremlin starts to melt]

Gremlin: I'm melting. I'm melting. What a world, what a world...

Martin: It's just like I always say; if you want to find something weird you have to go downtown

Kate Beringer: [enters elevator]

Elevator: [a bit garbled] Please state your desired floor.

Kate Beringer: Thirty-Eight

Gremlins: Thirty Eight. *Thirty Eight* *Thirty Eight!*

Gremlins: Going up.

Kate Beringer: [worried/unsure as the elevator starts going up at an alarming rate. The floor number indicator counts up faster and faster and soon passes floor 38, soon she panics] Elevator stop!

[the elevator stops with a jolt]

Kate Beringer: [after a beat] Sound alarm.

Gremlins: [imitating alarm] Erhn! Ehrn! Erhn! Erhn!

Gremlins: [after a short while we are taken back to the scene where Kate is still stuck in the elevator worried] HA HA HA

Gremlins: [Grabbing Kate's Legs] Make a wish!

Gremlins: [Grabbing Kate's Hair] Ah, Hair!

Elevator: [talking gibberish and then one says clearly] Going down.

Lady: [the elevator goes down at an alarming rate. Many gremlins are on the outside of the lift as it rushes down and then crashes splattering them into a green mush]

Elevator: [all garbled up and dying as the doors open to reveal a couple and Kate about half a floor down inside covered with green gremlin blood] The elevator doors have opened. Please watch your step.

Kate Beringer: [Kate looks around at the destruction and is left dazed] Uh, Uh

Lady: We'll... we'll get the next one.

Leonard Maltin: Ow. I was just kidding. Ah. It's a ten. It's a ten.

Daffy Duck: Long, isn't it?

Daffy Duck: Patently ridiculous.

Yogurt Customer #1: [Screaming] It's a rat.

Yogurt Customer #2: Oh my God.

Yogurt Customer #3: What's going on here? Did she say there was a rat?

Yogurt Jerk #2: No, she said there was no rat.

Mohawk: Gizmo ca-ca.

[News reporters are being kept out of the Clamp building by the New York City Police]

Heidi Kempf: Look, officer. Just let us in there. We'll take the responsibility.

Cop: Forget it, lady. Most of the people are out of there now.

Eric Shawn: Well, then what's in there. I've been to Beirut.

Cop: Yeah? I'll bet they miss you there.

Kate Beringer: Billy, if we get through today alive, you're in big trouble.

Daffy the Gremlin: Second floor, lingerie.

Billy Peltzer: Sir, I'm... I'm sorry about the building.

Daniel Clamp: I'm not.

Kate Peltzer: You're not?

Daniel Clamp: For one thing, we're insured for the damages. For another, maybe it wasn't a place for people anyway. It was a place for things. You make a place for things... things come.

Forster: Peltzer, you're having a psychotic episode. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Marla Bloodstone: [trapped in a giant spider's web] Can I get some help here, please? I'm trapped in some sort of adhesive, polymer material and I'm on deadline!

Brain Gremlin: The city so nice they named it twice! See it one time, won't you?

Gremlin: Nudie! Nudie! Nudie!

[Stopping Katsuji]

Grandpa Fred: Hey, hey, hey. Can you work a TV camera?

Katsuji: Work a camera? I AM the camera.

Forster: This is a complete failure of management!

Dr. Catheter: [after a gremlin drinks the brain formula] Easy boy, nice boy... Now listen to me, I could get you diseases... you'd like that, wouldn't you?

Gremlin: [in elevator] Going up!

Dr. Catheter: [sarcastically while looking at Gizmo] Cute, isn't it?

Martin: We're not sure if that is genetic. No.

Lewis: No, we're not.

Dr. Catheter: I've got ordnance in here that will bring down a charging Puma at fifty feet!

[spits on Futterman]

Daffy the Gremlin: [laughing hysterically] Loogie!

Gremlins: [grabbing Kate's legs] Make a Wish!

Grandpa Fred: Hey, you two, the building's completely screwed up today.

Billy Peltzer: Yeah, we know, Fred.

[Billy and Kate leave]

Grandpa Fred: [smiling, chuckling to himself] Heh heh, you're young. You know everything.