Mermaids (1990)

Cher: Mrs. Flax

Photos 

4 more photos

Quotes 

• Rachel Flax : Charlotte, I know you're planning a celibate life, but with half my chromosomes, I think that might be tough.

• Rachel Flax : [to Charlotte as she goes out to spend time with Joe]  Don't do anything I wouldn't do...

  [pause] 

  Rachel Flax : Or don't do anything I would!

• Charlotte Flax : I want to stay!

  Rachel Flax : And do what?

  Charlotte Flax : Finish high school!

  Rachel Flax : Great start! What's your major, town tramp?

  Charlotte Flax : No, Mom, the town already has one.

  [Rachel slaps her] 

• Rachel Flax : Alright, you know what? I'll make you a deal. You stop being a little bitch for, let's say, oh, I don't know, an hour or two, and I won't knock the religion of your choice for a week. Deal?

  Charlotte Flax : Deal!

• [Charlotte is praying at a shrine she has made in her room to the Virgin Mary] 

  Rachel Flax : Charlotte, we're Jewish.

• Lou Landsky : If you care about us, would it kill you to show it?

  Rachel Flax : "Us"? When did YOU and *my* children become "us"? You're just YOU, Lou - me and the girls, THAT'S "us"!

  Lou Landsky : I was talking about you and me.

• Rachel Flax : Death is dwelling on the past or staying in one place too long!

• Lou Landsky : [Reacting to an odd smile from Rachel as they lay in bed together]  What?

  Rachel Flax : You're a sexy guy.

  Lou Landsky : Do you have to sound surprised when you say that?

  Rachel Flax : I *am* surprised.

• Rachel Flax : Ok, I've had a little scotch... I'm real calm.

• Rachel Flax : Who's that?

  Charlotte Flax : That's Mr. Crane, my history teacher, and he is very nice.

  Rachel Flax : *He* is an asshole.

  Charlotte Flax : You haven't even spoken to him yet!

  Rachel Flax : Charlotte, I don't need to speak to him. He's driving an Edsel, for Christ's sake.

• Rachel Flax : One thing you can rely on about your father: He can't be relied on.

• Kate Flax : When I die, I want to be sprinkled in the ocean. I don't care if a whale eats me. I could live inside a whale like Jonah with an angel guard.

  Rachel Flax : Girls...

  Charlotte Flax : Yeah, well, what if you get a whale that doesn't have a living room inside him and you end up in someone's tuna fish sandwich?

• Rachel Flax : I'm never growing old.

  Lou Landsky : Well, time catches up. What can you do?

  Rachel Flax : Keep moving.

• Rachel Flax : [after another of Charlotte's criticisms]  Ooh, we're going to play my favorite game - Who's the worst mother in the world? Ooh, now, don't tell me, let me guess, who could it be? Could it be... ME?

• Rachel Flax : You know, Charlotte, I think you might be old enough for a boyfriend now.

  Charlotte Flax : If I'm old enough, maybe you're too old.

  Rachel Flax : Don't be ridiculous. A real woman is never too old.

• Rachel Flax : OK, how do I look?

  Charlotte Flax : Like a woman about to go forth in sin.

  Rachel Flax : Oh, good, exactly the look I was hoping for.

• Rachel Flax : [wearing a mermaid costume]  You know, if I were to have had this costume when you guys were little, I would have done my ironing and all your diapers in it.

• Kate Flax : Oklahoma was great. I liked living there.

  Rachel Flax : Yeah, I know, and you'll love living here when you get used to it.

  Charlotte Flax : Yeah, and when you get used to it, we'll move and everything'll change again.

• Rachel Flax : Charlotte, you drive like old people make love.

  Charlotte Flax : Mom, I'm only 15. I get nervous.

  Rachel Flax : Driving happens to be one of the two most important skills a woman could have. You should be tickled pink that I taught you early.

• Rachel Flax : [wearing a mermaid costume for the New Year's Eve party]  All right, I can tell by my mermaid watch that it's time for me to get in my mermaid car and hit the mermaid road!

  Kate Flax : And get the mermaid outta here!

• Kate Flax : Got anything for sharks and jellyfish?

  Carrie : What, dear?

  Rachel Flax : She means body grease. Miss Kate's going to swim the English Channel one day.

• Rachel Flax : Charlotte, don't aggravate me, all right? You're starting a new school on Monday and those boots aren't.

• [Rachel, Charlotte and Kate enter Lou's shoe store and meet two nuns from the convent] 

  Charlotte Flax : [narrating]  Oh, God, please let Mrs. Flax control herself.

  Lou Landsky : You're still a perfect seven, Reverend Mother. You know, most women's feet get bigger.

  Rachel Flax : Only if they marry.

  Charlotte Flax : [narrating]  Oh, no!

  Rachel Flax : You know, your feet swell. When you get pregnant, your feet swell.

  [Charlotte is mortified] 

  Charlotte Flax : [narrating]  How could she? How could she?

  Rachel Flax : I know mine got swollen when I was pregnant.

  Charlotte Flax : [whispering]  Mother, how could you say that? She's a holy vessel!

• Charlotte Flax , Rachel Flax : [Charlotte angrily confronts her mother after catching her making out with Joe] 

  Charlotte Flax : You kissed him? You kissed him, how could you do that?

  [to Joe] 

  Charlotte Flax : How could you let her kiss you?

  Rachel Flax : Charlotte, for God's sakes, it's just a little New Year's Eve kiss.

  Charlotte Flax : But you don't believe in New Year's.

  Rachel Flax : [with big grin]  I know.