User Reviews (24)

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  • swabidoo28 September 2006
    I expected this to be a "good bad" movie - the kind that's so bad it's entertaining. However, in terms of performance and script I was surprised to find that it was much better than expected. Jurgen Prochnow is always good, no matter how bad the material he is given. But even Patsy Kensit and Elizabeth Hurley did well portraying two self-absorbed, air-headed, and talent-free bimbos who hitch a boat ride with him, expecting a relaxing pleasure cruise. I've been on a one-week cruise with two other people on a similar vessel, sailing off the coast of Maine, and can tell you that the movie accurately portrays the claustrophobic conditions on board which can lead to personality clashes. If some of the personalities are psychotic, as in this movie, the tension would become unbearable to the point of explosion. And anyone who thinks that personalities like those portrayed in the movie don't actually exist has led a very sheltered life.

    The sailing scenes are realistic - the motion of the boat, the feeling of vulnerability in the open ocean, how danger or an emergency can appear suddenly, the necessity for even the inexperienced to pitch in and help. Jurgen, who I have heard is a sailor in real life, moves naturally through all the duties of a captain.

    The twist ending came out of the blue and did not work for me. However, till then the movie was involving and I enjoyed it.
  • I'm not sure what I expected from a film starring two of the worst actresses ever to (dis)grace the silver screen, but Kill Cruise is even worse than I could have imagined. This is possibly the first thriller without any thrills. In fact, it should be re-named "Two Irritating Slappers Stuck On A Yacht".

    The film begins promisingly. Patsy Kensit (Su) and Liz Hurley (Lou) perform an appalling musical number in a club and then Liz performs an impromptu strip, flashing her boobs. Unfortunately, the comedy ends there. Su and Lou pick up a drunken German skipper (an embarrassed looking Juergen Prochnow) for what I assume was a threesome and decide to sail with him to Bermuda. Shortly into the trip, Su becomes jealous of the relationship developing between Lou and the skipper and generally behaves like an idiot. This jealousy then escalates into general insanity.

    Kill Cruise doesn't even have the decency to be a mildly amusing "Dead Calm" rip off. That film exploited the claustrophobic atmosphere of a yacht to magnificent effect. Kill Cruise doesn't even bother, in fact nothing really happens. The most thrilling moment is probably when everyone falls asleep and the ship hits some empty oil barrels. Now that will have you on the edge of your seat. The finale itself is so anti-climactic that it borders on being shameful. The twist is utterly nonsensical and the epilogue is so stupid and irrelevant that it almost defies belief.

    The only reason I give this film 3 stars instead of 1 is out of sympathy for Juergen Prochnow, who does his best despite the ridiculous material that he has to work with. The only other thing the film has going for it is the opportunity to laugh at the amazing lack of acting ability displayed by Liz and Patsy. What a sorry pair.

    Kill Cruise really is an exercise in futility. If you are going to make a thriller, please provide some thrills. And if you are going to disguise your dull epic as a "character study", then at least flesh out the characters and try to make their actions vaguely believable. This is one cruise you will be happy to skip.
  • The original box for the video featured Patsy Kensit, who at that time looked like she was going to become a big star. It never happened, & now Elizabeth Hurley (who receives third billing) is featured on the front of the video box. My, how things change! This is a slow moving but very unusual & interesting character study of three people on a small boat, traveling from Gibralter to Barbados. The acting is superb (especially Kensit & Prochnow, both of whom have much charisma), the changing small group dynamics are very interesting for viewers who like character studies, & there's quite a surprise in the plot. Notice the double standard of Kensit's character as she first has sex with a man (in exchange for something she expects but never gets) & then disapproves her friend's (Hurley's) going a bit "too far" after their burlesque dance routine. It's this same ambiguity that drives her character throughout the movie. Hurley is shown semi-nude briefly a couple of times, so that may either peak your interest or turn you off; not for younger viewers. Stick with it during the slow moments, it's worth it. I rate it 8/10.
  • Although there seemed to be a lack in the plot of the movie, the story and events were entertaining. You never know what will happen on a cruise of this nature and this movie points to certain possibilities. I would watch it again but the anxiety that I felt would be reason enough not to watch it. I did feel a certain emptiness when it was over, but hey, that is what movies are about. You just never know. The surprise ending was actually not expected and that was well worth the viewing time of two hours. I would recommend this film to others with the knowledge that it was not a real class film but entertaining none the less.
  • whpratt124 September 2007
    This is a very interesting film which will keep your attention and at the same time entertain you right to the very end of the film. This film deals with two women, Sue (Patsy Kensit) and Elizabeth Hurley, (Lou) who enlist the services of a washed up drunken man named Jurgen Prochnow, ( The Skipper) who is a German Sailor and he owns a sailing vessel and is requested by the police authorities in the West Indes to leave their port. The Skipper meets up with these two young women in a night club called the "California" where he girls perform and sometimes give more than they are asked for. Eventually, these girls decided to sail to Barbados with the Skipper and this ride starts all kinds of sparks between two females, a dog and the Skipper, who pays very little attention sexually to these women. One of the girls finally gets some love and complete attention and the other girl gets very upset and starts all kinds of problems. You will never guess how this film ends and it is very suspenseful and will keep you on the edge of your seats. Enjoy
  • Kill Cruise is one of those hard to find movies that any Liz Hurley fan must see. An early film in Liz's career, that can only mean one thing. Nudity. Not only do you get to see Liz in the buff, you get to watch two love scenes with her at her best. Patsy Kensit co stars with Liz in this very sexy and dark story. Check it out if you can find a copy. The DVD just recently came out nationwide.
  • (There are Spoilers) Surviving a violent Mediterranean Sea storm the skipper, Jurgen Prochnow, was unable to save the life of his friend and fellow seaman Paul Pelikan, Mario Stock, and his former, and now Mario's, lover Mona, Gvalyna Szapolowska. The Skipper hold's himself responsible for their deaths even though he was cleared of any wrong doing by a Seaman/Mariner Court.

    Losing his nerve and getting drunk the Skipper hangs out all day and night, for six months, at the local Califorina Club drinking instead of going back out to sea on his ship the Bella Donna. Things change for the Skipper when he's approached by a young British duet of singer and dancer Su & Lou, Patsy Kensit & Elizabeth Hurley. The two are dying to get out of this boring ghost town of Gibraltar and sail to sunny and swinging Barbados in the West Indies. A trip of some 2,500 miles that would take over a month.

    The Skipper needing a reason to go back to sea on his ship jumps at the idea that the girls proposed to him and the next day the Skipper together with Su & Lou and their pet pooch Willard sails past the "Pillars of Hercules" into the wide open and dangerous Atlantic Ocean. It turned out to be a voyage straight into hell.

    Great scenic and ocean photography with a number of spectacular sunrise and sunsets can't overcome the film "Kill Cruise" unconvincing script and totally unbelievable surprise ending. The ending is so off-the-wall that it makes you wonder if you fell asleep while watching the film and missed something that would make it at least plausible to the movie's story.

    A less then glamorous Elizabeth Hurley and down in the dumps-looking Patsy Kensit make up the trio, or quintet if you include the cute little dog Willard, on the cruise yacht Bella Donna. Thing start to get edgy when Su becomes jealous of the Skipper taking her friend, and possibly lesbian lover,Lou away from her as they both have a sexual tryst right in front of her. Su plans to murder the Skipper, as well as Lou, by first letting them drown at sea as they were both swimming, and making out underwater, by taking off with the boat Bella Donna. Later Su hides the insulin that the Skipper needs for his diabetic condition and his life is saved by Lou who finds it just in time, hidden by Su inside a world globe, just before in went into insulin shock.

    With the crazed jealous and murderously inclined Su on deck the movie then immediately changes course where we see the three on board with Su & Lou dancing and singing as if everything that we saw up until then was forgotten about. Then were hit with an ending that's straight out of nowhere.
  • I enjoyed this movie a lot more than it deserved! The three main characters were so well portrayed that it kept me hooked despite the fact that I never did understand what motivated the girls, Liz Hurley and Patsy Kensit. The surprise ending possibly made it seem better than it was, because it didn't really make sense. In this movie the parts were better than the whole, which is weird.
  • sinad1 July 2002
    Warning: Spoilers
    the title is misleading for the first 97 minutes, and then you walk away wondering what in the world just happened. did they have some film left and need a fetching title? otherwise, it's an engaging and surprisingly well done character study. similar to dead calm, another cabin fever murder at sea also with a somewhat inexplicable villain. a very funny bit was the fact that the apparently drug addled and soused skipper ends up looking even more pathetic when it turns out he isn't drug addled, just a diabetic. a possible explanation of the blindside ending: there is one scene where liz hurley is sitting in the middle of the boat, as her maddening, fueding shipmates are in opposite cabins. she's tired of it. it's cabin fever, and perhaps we see on her face a glimmer of the acknowledgment that those two are not worth the aggravation. a callous disregard for human life, but familiar, i'd guess, to anyone who has endured a long, hot roadtrip with other people. who are squabbling. the entire way from wisonsin to walmart, south dakota. about mount rushmore and indian sacred ground. where is that darn spear gun!
  • I enjoyed this film, even though I didn't expect to. The minor characters were hammy and unconvincing, but once on the boat the three main characters were very good, particularly Patsy Kensit and Elizabeth Hurley. However, the women's behavior was absolutely incomprehensible to me. I think the screenplay needed more background on their characters. A surprise ending.
  • The film had quite bad reviews at the time so when I got it on DVD the plan was to fast forward to the naughty bits. But I found the film so fascinating that I watched it from beginning to end. Being on a yacht with Paty Kensit and Liz Hurley sounds like your idea of paradise? Well, the washed out skipper of a yacht is duped into a four week trip to Barbaidos with two young women who make a living stripping and turning tricks in a decidedly seedy Gibraltar. Everything seems fine at first but then the sexual tension rises, the skipper seems to have a dark secret and paradise turns into hell. The film has an overtone of aggressive sexuality from the very beginning that tries to assert itself against the burned out skipper and does so in the end but with disastrous consequences. I liked both the feel of the run down part of Gibraltar and the clautstrophobic atmosphere on the yacht. Kensit is great as the slut from hell who becomes more and more unstable throughout the journey. Hurley seems to be the sensible one who turn into a complete psychopath. While the acting is very good my only misgiving about the film is that this change comes too suddenly and does not really seem plausible. I'm not sure if secnes were cut from the film but I certainly do not believe the rumour of a full frontal nudity lesbian love scene (which wouldn't really make sense). The film is also a showcase for Prochnow's acting talents which he unfortunately squandered with later roles as stoch villain. Well worth watching!
  • This is a real psychological study. Poor Jurgen ends up with a couple of beautiful, two bit performers who coerce him into taking them to Barbados. Unfortunately, the trip is four weeks and along the way, their personalities begin to clash, with deadly consequences. One is selfish and jealous, the other grows strong but has a psychotic side. Prochnow's Captain is Diabetic and this proves to be the biggest complication when one of the jealous females decides to use it against him. The dynamics on board are interesting. Both women are gorgeous, which complicates things as well. There is sexual tension all over the place. The name of the ship is "Bella Donna" which, of course, is a plant that is used to extract deadly poison. The movie does work pretty well as the three do everything to destroy what there is between them. I won't spoil the ending, but it certainly grabs the viewer.
  • Warning: Spoilers
    The duo of Patsy Kensit and Elizabeth Hurley may look like a jackpot of sexiness on paper, but "Kill Cruise" is actually pretty tame and rarely goes beyond the bikini level. The film begins rather awkwardly, but it improves as soon as the three main characters set sail; the uncertainty about who is good and who is bad, as well as about whether some past events are connected to the present, keeps you watching. But after a certain point, it begins to drag; making a 90+ minute film with only three characters and one setting (the boat in the open sea) is no easy task. And then comes the ending, which I must admit is quite unpredictable, and features a chillingly calm, detached performance by a certain cast member (I won't say which one, to avoid spoilers), but doesn't provide the film with much of a point. The sailing sequences are well-shot, though the DVD transfer is rather poor. ** out of 4.
  • Warning: Spoilers
    Usually movies so-called curveballs don't catch me off guard, I am after all one of the viewers who knew instantly that the guy was actually dead in "The Sixth Sense" - it was plainly obvious to me but seemed to surprise some people - so I was a little taken aback by the curveball in this wannabe DEAD CALM. The main reason is that whereas the best curveballs have clues peppered liberally throughout the movie, this one comes completely out of left field. The movie itself is somewhat diverting entertainment, and for fans of Elizabeth Hurley (who has as far as I can recall her only topless scene in this movie) and Patsy Kensit this movie is a must-see. I did find Kensit very annoying throughout most of the movie which was a shame because I generally enjoy her work, but she was not helped by a pretty terrible script. Overall, an interesting way to spend a couple of hours though better as a rental than a purchase.
  • Warning: Spoilers
    "Der Skipper" or "Kill Cruise" is a West German 95-minute film that was released in 1990. The language here is listed as German on IMDb, but there are also versions with English language out there. The writer and director is Peter Keglevic and this is possibly his most known work. The film is basically a 3-man show consisting of Jürgen Prochnow and British actresses Patsy Kensit and Liz Hurley. Prochnow was of course very known through "Das Boot". Kensit was also a bit of a star when this was made over 25 years ago, but for Hurley it was a bit of a breakthrough film as she wasn't famous yet.

    This is the story of a captain who agrees to sail from Gibraltar to the West Indies because two young women want him to. Off they go and basically the entire action takes place on the boat. You can imagine that with two women and one men, you will see scenes of jealousy misogyny, sex and of course survival. I would not say it was a great film in terms of any of these factors, but it was very much worth watching and a pretty decent thriller. You see both women (your choice who to prefer depending on if you like blondes or brunettes) in bikinis most of the time, which is an additional treat too. But then the last 12 minutes or so start and that's where the film goes really down in quality. The sudden plot twist involving Hurley's character came absolutely out of nowhere and I felt it made so little sense that it almost destroyed the entire film and everything before it. This ending is also why I would only recommend this movie to really the biggest fans of survivals movies. Everybody else should skip it or they will be as confused and disappointed as I was. Then again, maybe I overrated the film a bit in general before the last scenes already because I like Prochnow and Hurley. Thumbs-down, overall.
  • Grax329 January 2005
    If you are interested in brief glimpses of Elizabeth Hurley's nipples you might find this movie interesting. That is the only redeeming quality of this strange movie with an odd, confusing story featuring odd confusing characters.

    Periodically the story seems to be about to make sense but then it falls apart again as the characters do something else seemingly unmotivated or poorly motivated. While my drama instructor tried to avoid using the word "motivation" because of possibility of cliché I can think of no word better. There was simply no logical reason presented for the goings on in this film. The motivation is missing.

    Of course, it was only one dollar in the bargain bin. Perhaps I shouldn't complain too much.
  • jeddo5 April 2002
    This was about as bad as they come. Throughout the movie, you'll continue to wait for a coherent plot, then at the end, a surprise ending that will leave you feeling empty.

    Not unlike trying to stand an egg on it's end for two hours only to find out that it can't be done (unless it's the solstice).

    Don't watch this.
  • WEll this was a true tale of the seas, that would have been better left bobbing around like the corker it is. The crew were good looking enough but they were so slovenly that they deserved to be keel hauled before breakfast, (for the sharks that is). The only reason to keep watching beyond the first few minutes is the vain hope that the two crew might get it on, so let me save you the trouble and let you know that they don't. I have to say that Hurley was virtually unrecognizable, whether it was pre-surgery or that simply thinning her eye brows really dose the trick, I am not sure. To sum it up I think it would have best served each of their careers, including the director, if this film had simply sunk without trace or even a ripple. Aye aye cap'n, loose the ma'n sail, hard to port if you get my drift.
  • I saw the American version of this film and I'll probably never watch it again - the story doesn't seem to make any sense in the beginning and the things that the story lacks in reference to the plot of the film are revealed, in my mind, at the end of the film - like I said, imagination is a marvelous tool or talent, depending on the situation you are viewing! This is about two very twisted and sick women who hitch a ride with a sea skipper to Barbados, he being unaware as to what the two women are really up to!!! The cinematography is wonderful, the editing is horrible! You really have to use your brain to figure out the meaning of this film and to understand the behavior of the women passengers! Worth viewing, depending on what kind of mind you have!
  • This is an okay film except for the final plot twist which makes absolutely no sense given what has come before. The character development to justify this twist is non-existent and therefore the ending seems to have been done only for the shock value. It isn't shock, but rather disgust, that the viewer will be left with. Disgust at such an obvious and phony trick to end the film. Like I said, I liked the film but the ending spoiled the whole picture.
  • I bought this DVD because I mistakenly thought that the premise had some interesting mystery/suspense possibilities, that the attractive, well-recognized cast would deliver entertaining performances, and that, even if the plot and acting failed, there still might be enough to make the film one of those movies that is fun to watch because of how bad it is. To my immediate and mounting disappointment as the film droned on, none of this was true. Save yourself from this fate. The one-star rating was invented for a film like this.

    The plot is undeveloped, incoherent nonsense. The film opens with a loud, dark, confusing sequence at sea where the sailor is caught in a storm and someone dies. There is never any serious attempt to explain or develop this story. Later, the now down-and-out sailor suddenly agrees to ferry two loudmouth, fringe bar singers and their bothersome dog on a 4-week trip to Barbados. During the trip, one of the singers takes an unreasoning dislike to the sailor, picks one childish fight after another with him, rummages through his possessions, and comes up with a theory that he killed the person on the earlier voyage because of a love triangle of some sort. The sailor later explains away the theory to the other singer, who seems friendlier to him, and then the whole murder theory is just dropped as if it were a mistake. After many tedious, labored, pointless scenes of the three on board quarreling, facing several trumped-up, ultimately boring seafaring adversities, and doing various routine chores like hosing dog poop off the deck, there is a last-minute, psycho-type killing on board that comes out of nowhere and explains nothing. The film ends with a cryptic message on screen about the fate of the survivors that, again, gives no meaning to anything that has come before.

    The film is a complete failure not only as serious drama but as light entertainment. By no stretch of the imagination is it sexy, funny, or fun to watch. The superficial, loser characters could not be less interesting or attractive. The sailor is so grouchy, withdrawn, and broken-down, the hostile singer so exaggerated in her disagreeableness, the other singer so vapid and vacuous, the petty quarreling among the characters so constant and annoying, and the tone of the film so dark that there is not an ounce of chemistry or lasting good cheer among the characters. Not only is the characters' behavior a total drag, there is nothing erotic about the situations, scenery, or wardrobe. This includes an early, short, embarrassing scene in a bar in which one singer supposedly strips but clearly does no such thing and a split-second glimpse of a perfunctory, sleepy "love scene" that packs no punch whatsoever (I do not know what DVD version others saw, but if the one I saw contained any nudity, I must have missed it by blinking, leaving me only the actual pathetic substance of the film to judge).

    Sadly, some movies have absolutely nothing redeeming about them. This is one of them. The only thing to do when this happens is to come right out and say so. There is nothing inappropriate about this. It is just the way it is. Reciting all the movie's flaws but then giving them a pass for no reason at all, straining to conjure and contrive tidbits that are supposedly worth watching, or engaging in speculative, wishful thinking that edited scenes or "possible explanations" exist that, like magic, would somehow make sense of this mess, only compounds the waste of time and money from a film like this and, even worse, contributes to the impression that moviegoers are suckers.

    Yet, this is all that the would-be positive reviews of this film have been able to do. Someone who looks to a movie like this for a supposedly serious "portrayal" of "personalities" is the one who is "living a very sheltered life," not someone who takes this useless piece of fiction to task for it glaring flaws. The simplistic observation that spending a long time in close quarters on a boat can lead to cabin fever (and that it can be even worse if the people are psychos) is hardly the stuff of true meaning or entertainment value, with or without claimed "realistic sailing scenes." The suggestion that including a psycho in the cast means that anything goes and that all standards of quality, coherence, or enjoyability go out the window has no place in any credible effort at movie reviewing. When the best a review can say is that a film is "not totally worthless" and that it manages to leave the audience with nothing more than a "feeling of emptiness" (and no, that's not all movies "are about"), why bother to pretend it has any real value? Of course there can be "fluff" entertainment that is enjoyable. But that does not mean that anything on a screen qualifies. And it makes a mockery of any serious use of the terms to say that this film is a "personal drama," "character study," or "psychological study" of lesbian jealousy or anything else. What is on the screen here makes perfectly clear beyond any doubt that the movie does not deserve any of these obvious and unsuccessful efforts to make excuses for it.
  • This DVD proved to be one of the poorer movies I have seen. The plot makes little sense and one can never find any reason why the characters would do the things they do.

    Sue's motivations and actions make no sense at all. There is no logical explanation for any of the characters actions or their interactions with each other.

    Save your money
  • Warning: Spoilers
    Well, turns out the statement isn't true for skipper Jurgen Prochnow, but the individual parts of my summary quote accurately describes Elizabeth Hurley and Patsy Kensit, you'll just have to watch this thing to find out which is which. I'm not going to make it easy for you; I had to suffer through this thing and you will too.

    Can anyone explain what the point of this film was? I'm using the term 'film' rather loosely here. If you go by a couple other views on this board, the picture hovers between 'better than expected' and 'so bad it hurts', but I would assert that this kind of pain shouldn't be inflicted on unsuspecting viewers. The whole thing was about as pointless as that scene where The Skipper harpoons a shark for no other reason than to have blood appear in the water. If I'm wrong, somebody correct me.

    I don't know, I guess another reviewer had it right when they claimed that Willie was the best actor here. If the mutt looked familiar, he should have to fans of Kimba(?). Gee, why not just let the poor dog use his own name? Seems he had the best scene here when he gave new meaning to the term 'poop deck'.
  • cranialsi31 October 2007
    Warning: Spoilers
    This has got to be the out there 'Most Awful' film of 1990. Someone suggested the 'Skipper' was asked to leave a 'West Indies' port, hence the cruise. This is wrong on 2 counts. The skipper is suspected of committing 'foul play' on a rival and sinks to the bottom of a bottle and the port he meets and is tricked into a cruise by the women in is obviously Gibraltar (old Morris 1300 driven by port officials, scene showing the Rock). They then set sail on what is a most turgid voyage. At one point Su (Patsy Kensit) steals the Skippers' (Jurgen Prochnow) insulin whilst her friend Lou (Elizabeth Hurley) protects her friend from his rage. I think after that I'd be looking for the nearest ship, island anything to get rid of them both! The finale comes completely out of character for Lou, a crime without motive that is frankly unbelievable and the final written statement makes it clear that whoever wrote this tripe had one too many misogynist nightmares. If you want to watch something good in the 'sea-story thriller' genre try 'Deep Calm'. I guess if you've got a Patsy or Liz 'thing' you might put up with this, indeed there is an occasional Hurley boob flash. But really only of interest to C movie lovers Willie the dog gets my vote for best actor here.