[repeated line]

Gordon Brittas: Eeeexcellent.

Gordon Brittas: It is seven years to the day since the first member of the public walked through those doors.

Gavin Featherly: And you threw him out, Mr. Brittas!

Gordon Brittas: He was wearing unauthorised water wings, Gavin.

Gordon Brittas: Every time I walk into a room, a fight seems to break out.

Laura Lancing: If you remember, Mr. Brittas, you told the ambulance men to come round to the back in future. You thought it was better for morale.

Gordon Brittas: Laura, how's the lorry driver?

Laura Lancing: Yeah, I gave him your message about staying, Mr. Brittas. He said he's rather take his chances in the snow.

Helen Brittas: Carole, when my last client left, was he all hunched up, jabbering to himself?

Carole Parkinson: Yes.

Helen Brittas: Good, good. He's getting better.

Gordon Brittas: I'm afraid Carole is having some sort of nervous collapse. She's to have counselling sessions with Mrs. Brittas.

Julie: Isn't that a bit like taking coals to Newcastle?

[repeated line]

Gordon Brittas: I have a dream. A dream that one day...

Linda Perkin: You're going to die anyway if you get pneumonia.

Tim Whistler: Good. At least I'll die of something I'm not scared of.

Gordon Brittas: Since I have been manager, I am proud to say there have only been twenty-three deaths. And not one of them was a staff member.

Julie: Why can't we use the canteen?

Gordon Brittas: If you remember, Julie, the canteen was sealed by the police until after the inquest.

Gavin Featherly: But if there's food in there . . .

Laura Lancing: I spoke to one of the forensic scientist, Gavin. Believe me, you wouldn't want to touch it.

Gavin Featherly: I've just seen Larry Whittaker. He says he's going to kill Brittas.

Tim Whistler: I've always liked Larry.

Gordon Brittas: Don't worry, I'm dealing with it!

Gordon Brittas: Now, Tim, if I could just have a word?

[takes Tim into his office]

Gordon Brittas: Now, that was a bit out of character this morning, wasn't it? It may just be my imagination, but I thought you were a bit "tetchy" in the lineup.

Tim Whistler: Oh, that. No, it's all sorted out.

Gordon Brittas: Meant to be doing something with you, was he, young Gavin?

Tim Whistler: ... yes. Sort of.

Gordon Brittas: And he went to the pub instead. Tim, life's too short to worry about things like that. If I had a pound for everyone who promised to meet me and never showed up, I'd be Paul Getty Jr! Timothy- it's human nature!

Tim Whistler: Really.

Gordon Brittas: I was unmarried once myself too, you know. Used to go to the pub with my mates, have a few drinks, a game of darts, a few more drinks, go for a takeaway, next thing you know, it's three in the morning and you wake up on the floor in some total strangers flat!

[Tim gets panicked and worried look on his face]

Gordon Brittas: But what does it matter, eh, Tim, boy?

[puts his hand on Tim's shoulder as he leaves the room]

Gordon Brittas: It's not as if you're married to the man, is it!


Gordon Brittas: [Tim closes his eyes and leaves, absolutely horrified]

[Angie hands him a box of tissues and a mug of coffee]

[repeated line]

Tim Whistler: We're going to die! We're all going to die!

Laura Lancing: [repeated line, every time Mr. Brittas asks for an explanation] Well...

[she nevers gets any further]

Julie: [repeated line, every time Mr. Brittas asks her to do something] I'm busy!

Gordon Brittas: I want you all to have a good dream tonight and bring it in with you tomorrow.

Helen Brittas: Could you give this to my husband?

Laura Lancing: Yes, of course.

Helen Brittas: It's just to tell him it's fish cakes for supper and I'm pregnant.

Laura Lancing: Helen, that's fantastic!

Helen Brittas: Well, after today's events I thought the news had rather lost its novelty value.

Gordon Brittas: You can't argue with a government department.

Carole Parkinson: Why don't I get a sardine, Mr. Brittas?

Gordon Brittas: Carole, the points system takes into the account that some people are more valuable to the group than the others.

Helen Brittas: Normally I have to spend New Year's Eve with Gordon's family. It's rather nice being with people I like.

Julie: I'd rather be somewhere decent with clean clothes and a stiff drink.

Helen Brittas: I can't see him till ten, can I?

Laura Lancing: Why not?

Helen Brittas: It takes half an hour for the pills to work.

Gordon Brittas: [speaking to the staff] Does anyone know a black person who could help us out? Come on, someone must! He's only got to stand in line for a few minutes...

[looks around]

Linda Perkin: [steps forward, enthusiastically] The Baptist Church has a gospel choir!

Gordon Brittas: We don't want to flood the place, Linda.

[points at Gavin, who is standing with Tim]

Gordon Brittas: Gavin, what about that chap I saw you with the other evening?

Gavin Featherly: I'm sorry?

Gordon Brittas: The chap in the pub on Tuesday.

[Tim turns to Gavin incredulously]

Gavin Featherly: Oh, I...

Tim Whistler: [accusingly] You said you were at your mother's on Tuesday!

Gavin Featherly: [to Brittas] I think you must have made a mistake!

Gordon Brittas: No, tall, good looking black chap.

Tim Whistler: Well, that's very nice, I must say!

[storms out]

Gordon Brittas: "Semper, Omnibus, Facultas"! Don't you understand what that means?

Colin Weatherby: Julie, you have a brain! I can see why that young man of yours wants to marry you.

Gordon Brittas: [Brittas thinks Carole is putting on too much weight] Carole, could you come here a minute?

Laura Lancing: [seeing Carole come from behind the desk] I think Carole is expecting a baby, Mr. Brittas.