[repeated line]
Gordon Brittas: Eeeexcellent.
Gordon Brittas: It is seven years to the day since the first member of the public walked through those doors.
Gavin Featherly: And you threw him out, Mr. Brittas!
Gordon Brittas: He was wearing unauthorised water wings, Gavin.
Gordon Brittas: Every time I walk into a room, a fight seems to break out.
Laura Lancing: If you remember, Mr. Brittas, you told the ambulance men to come round to the back in future. You thought it was better for morale.
Gordon Brittas: Laura, how's the lorry driver?
Laura Lancing: Yeah, I gave him your message about staying, Mr. Brittas. He said he's rather take his chances in the snow.
Helen Brittas: Carole, when my last client left, was he all hunched up, jabbering to himself?
Carole Parkinson: Yes.
Helen Brittas: Good, good. He's getting better.
Gordon Brittas: I'm afraid Carole is having some sort of nervous collapse. She's to have counselling sessions with Mrs. Brittas.
Julie: Isn't that a bit like taking coals to Newcastle?
[repeated line]
Gordon Brittas: I have a dream. A dream that one day...
Linda Perkin: You're going to die anyway if you get pneumonia.
Tim Whistler: Good. At least I'll die of something I'm not scared of.
Gordon Brittas: Since I have been manager, I am proud to say there have only been twenty-three deaths. And not one of them was a staff member.
Julie: Why can't we use the canteen?
Gordon Brittas: If you remember, Julie, the canteen was sealed by the police until after the inquest.
Gavin Featherly: But if there's food in there . . .
Laura Lancing: I spoke to one of the forensic scientist, Gavin. Believe me, you wouldn't want to touch it.
Gavin Featherly: I've just seen Larry Whittaker. He says he's going to kill Brittas.
Tim Whistler: I've always liked Larry.
Gordon Brittas: Don't worry, I'm dealing with it!
Gordon Brittas: Now, Tim, if I could just have a word?
[takes Tim into his office]
Gordon Brittas: Now, that was a bit out of character this morning, wasn't it? It may just be my imagination, but I thought you were a bit "tetchy" in the lineup.
Tim Whistler: Oh, that. No, it's all sorted out.
Gordon Brittas: Meant to be doing something with you, was he, young Gavin?
Tim Whistler: ... yes. Sort of.
Gordon Brittas: And he went to the pub instead. Tim, life's too short to worry about things like that. If I had a pound for everyone who promised to meet me and never showed up, I'd be Paul Getty Jr! Timothy- it's human nature!
Tim Whistler: Really.
Gordon Brittas: I was unmarried once myself too, you know. Used to go to the pub with my mates, have a few drinks, a game of darts, a few more drinks, go for a takeaway, next thing you know, it's three in the morning and you wake up on the floor in some total strangers flat!
[Tim gets panicked and worried look on his face]
Gordon Brittas: But what does it matter, eh, Tim, boy?
[puts his hand on Tim's shoulder as he leaves the room]
Gordon Brittas: It's not as if you're married to the man, is it!
[sniggers]
Gordon Brittas: [Tim closes his eyes and leaves, absolutely horrified]
[Angie hands him a box of tissues and a mug of coffee]
[repeated line]
Tim Whistler: We're going to die! We're all going to die!
Laura Lancing: [repeated line, every time Mr. Brittas asks for an explanation] Well...
[she nevers gets any further]
Julie: [repeated line, every time Mr. Brittas asks her to do something] I'm busy!
Gordon Brittas: I want you all to have a good dream tonight and bring it in with you tomorrow.
Helen Brittas: Could you give this to my husband?
Laura Lancing: Yes, of course.
Helen Brittas: It's just to tell him it's fish cakes for supper and I'm pregnant.
Laura Lancing: Helen, that's fantastic!
Helen Brittas: Well, after today's events I thought the news had rather lost its novelty value.
Gordon Brittas: You can't argue with a government department.
Carole Parkinson: Why don't I get a sardine, Mr. Brittas?
Gordon Brittas: Carole, the points system takes into the account that some people are more valuable to the group than the others.
Helen Brittas: Normally I have to spend New Year's Eve with Gordon's family. It's rather nice being with people I like.
Julie: I'd rather be somewhere decent with clean clothes and a stiff drink.
Helen Brittas: I can't see him till ten, can I?
Laura Lancing: Why not?
Helen Brittas: It takes half an hour for the pills to work.
Gordon Brittas: [speaking to the staff] Does anyone know a black person who could help us out? Come on, someone must! He's only got to stand in line for a few minutes...
[looks around]
Linda Perkin: [steps forward, enthusiastically] The Baptist Church has a gospel choir!
Gordon Brittas: We don't want to flood the place, Linda.
[points at Gavin, who is standing with Tim]
Gordon Brittas: Gavin, what about that chap I saw you with the other evening?
Gavin Featherly: I'm sorry?
Gordon Brittas: The chap in the pub on Tuesday.
[Tim turns to Gavin incredulously]
Gavin Featherly: Oh, I...
Tim Whistler: [accusingly] You said you were at your mother's on Tuesday!
Gavin Featherly: [to Brittas] I think you must have made a mistake!
Gordon Brittas: No, tall, good looking black chap.
Tim Whistler: Well, that's very nice, I must say!
[storms out]
Gordon Brittas: "Semper, Omnibus, Facultas"! Don't you understand what that means?
Colin Weatherby: Julie, you have a brain! I can see why that young man of yours wants to marry you.
Gordon Brittas: [Brittas thinks Carole is putting on too much weight] Carole, could you come here a minute?
Laura Lancing: [seeing Carole come from behind the desk] I think Carole is expecting a baby, Mr. Brittas.