Stacey: [Gordon brings Stacey a hatbox to carry the jewels in] Where is the steel-reinforced briefcase with the combination lock? Gordon, what are you trying to do to me?

Gordon: Stacey, get a hold of yourself! There, there silly! No one will think you're carrying anything valuable in a dumb old hatbox. Lots of people carry hatboxes!

Stacey: Only in Doris Day movies.

Stacey: [trying to sneak into a house undetected] You wanna climb that?

[doubtfully points to an old trellis against the house]

Alistair: Well, it looks strong enough to me.

[he puts the weight of his foot on a rung and it immediately snaps in two]

Stacey: Why is this happening to me? I don't even have the jewels! I don't have ANY jewels! I don't even wear earrings!

Stacey: [talking to herself at the scene of a murder] What did you do in London, Stacey? Well, I lost a fortune in jewels, and discovered a dead body. I was arrested for withholding evidence in a murder investigation.

[starts to panic]

Stacey: I really wanted to see Buckingham Palace, but I guess that'll have to wait until I'm on parole!

Alistair: [speaking to Marvin and Eloise at the airport] Leave the nice lady alone, ok? Or I'll have you both strapped to the wings.

Eustace: [rummaging through the nearly-empty fridge] There's a plague on this house.

Beatrice: What's the matter now?

Eustace: Just my old war wound acting up again.

Beatrice: What war are we talking about? The Crimean? The Polyponesian?

Eustace: My "war wound"! You know perfectly well what happened! The sofa collapsed while I was watching "Bridge on the River Kwai."

Alistair: [eating an unappetizing dinner] Now you eat your soup or there's no dessert!

Marvin: Promise?

Marvin: [after Alistair flips the car] Way cool driving, dude!

Alistair: [Marvin is snapping photos of a murder victim] Hey! What on earth do you think you're doing?

[snatches the camera away]

Alistair: Give that to me!

Marvin: Aw, come on Al! That'll go great in my dead things collection!

Eloise: [At the crime scene] She is like my goldfish. When you are dead, you go to Heaven.

Alistair: That may not apply in this case.

Marvin: Well, she's kinda big to flush down the toilet.

Alistair: A happy thought there, Marvin. As so many of yours are.

Marvin: Thanks, Al.

Alistair: Thanks for seeing us on such short notice, Miss Butler.

Imelda: Call me Imelda. Everyone else does.

Stacey: [joins them] Thanks for letting me freshen up, Miss Butler.

Marvin: [sarcastically] Call her Imelda.

Eloise: Everyone else does!

Beatrice: In my opinion, if this Gordon fellow had *half* a brain, he'd be lonely.