Josephus the Genie
Wizard
Bernard Bottle
Charles Pinkworth
Frank Kepple (as Dennis Lill)
Nurse
Kevin
Judy
Melvyn Bragg
Miss Purse
Miss Temple
Bernard's Mother
Waitress
Carrie (as Angie Clarke)
Bob Geldof
Officer
PC Parker
Desk Sergeant
Third PC
Gary Lineker
Ninja Turtle
Newscaster
Reporter
Child in Santa's Castle