Nick Lang: [on the big screen] It's not like the movies. They get 17 takes to get it right. We get one take. It lasts our whole lives. We mess it up and we're dead.

John Moss: [in the audience] Hey! That's my line!

Susan: This is hard to say, but I've been thinking a lot about it... and we can't have a relationship.

John Moss: Sure we can, 'cause I can change. I'll try harder.

Susan: It's not that. It's not you. You're fine. It's what you do. It's... it's all the violence. I have spent my life trying to run away from that. I cannot put Bonnie in a position where she doesn't know if her father's gonna come home alive.

John Moss: Yeah, I understand. Sure. Cops are too angry, too violent... too risky to care about... until you need one. Then we're the Second Coming, aren't we? I understand that one all right.

Nick Lang: Ever killed anybody?

John Moss: Counting today?

Nick Lang: C'mon John. Look, my character kills this guy. It's probably an innocent by-stander. I just want to know what that's like.

John Moss: You can't. Not by asking someone.

Nick Lang: Will you open up? I just want to know what it feels like to be inside your skin.

John Moss: I DON'T WANT YOU INSIDE MY SKIN, YOU UNDERSTAND? It's private! What's in there belongs to me! You're not gonna learn what it means to be a cop by eating hot dogs and picking your teeth and asking stupid questions. We live this job. It's something we are, not something we do! Every time a cop walks up to a car and has to give a speeding ticket, he know he may have to kill someone or be killed himself. That's not something you step into by strapping on a rubber gun and riding around all day. You get to go back to your million dollar beach house and your bimbos and your blow jobs and you get 17 takes to get it right. We get one take. It lasts our whole lives. We mess it up and we're dead.

Nick Lang: [picking up a tape recorder] Fuck was that great! John. Look. Can you just say that one more time for me, please? John.

[first lines]

Operator: 9-1-1 Emergency.

Party Crasher: Hello there! It's me - again! Well, what can I say? I'm about to crash another party.

John Moss: Don't eat like me, don't sit like me, and do not smoke like me! I'm trying to quit, anyway.

Nick Lang: Me too.

John Moss: And don't quit like me, either!

Bonnie: You look like Nick Lang

Nick Lang: Really? Do you like Nick Lang?

Bonnie: I used to when I was little. Now I like Mel Gibson.

John Moss: I love him, I love Mel Gibson!

John Moss: Not if you tied my toung to your tail-pipe and drove me eighty miles-an-hour naked across a field of broken glass. No. No.

John Moss: Why don't you go tie your dick in a knot?

Nick Lang: When are you going to get me something with a little relevance, a little social conscience, something that doesn't have a goddamn Roman numeral in the title? You ever hear of "Hamlet III," "Midsummer Night's IV"?

Angie: They made "Henry V"! It won awards for that little Scottish guy!

[after being shot in the chest]

Nick Lang: Oh man, this is too real.

Pooley: Jesus, Moss, what are you gonna tell the captain? "I'm sorry about the forty-five people I killed, I was horny?"

Captain Brix: You got two ways to deal with this: you got the easy way, you got...

John Moss: The hard way.

Captain Brix: Right. John, do us all a favor and make the right choice.

John Moss: I always do.

[last lines]

John Moss: This whole movie is stuff that I said to him! The little son of a bitch stole my life!

Captain Brix: Would you shut up, Moss? We're trying to watch the end credits.

John Moss: You know, he's a lot shorter in real life, okay?

Nick Lang: Hey, look at this. They got my billboard across the street.

John Moss: Good, you'll be sleeping close to the one you love.

John Moss: No one since my divorce even stuck around for a second date. They say they don't like me being a cop, or I don't know, maybe its something about my personality-

[car honks]

John Moss: HEY, UP YOURS, ASSHOLE! What do you think?

John Moss: Now what you boys want to do is you want to graduate from high school, get decent jobs. Take a shot at white-collar crime, that's where the real money is!

John Moss: I gave the little maggot a chance! I got to the bathroom and back. He doesn't belong here, he belongs in Never-Never Land, with his personal trainer, and his assistants, and his maid, and his God-knows-who-all, the guy who wipes his ass after he pinches off his daily loaf, OK?

John Moss: C'mon where are you staying? the Plaza... the Regiun... c'mon where?

Nick Lang: I'm staying with you.

John Moss: Maybe when my asshole learns to chew gum.

John Moss: Look, dickwad. I don't give a rat's ass about where you come from. All I care about is where you're going.

John Moss: Listen, you little cockroach! I got yanked off a case so you can get wanked off being a cop groupie and now what? You wanna live in my house? I got a job to do and I'm gonna do it and I don't have time for anybody in my house, in my car, or in my life who isn't a: a cop or b: The Party Crasher. You got it?

Nick Lang: So that's what this is all about, isn't it? You're still after this guy.

Nick Lang: Oh, don't you take that tone with me!

Nick Lang: Bang Bang, Nick Lang.

Nick Lang: Somebody call a cop!

[Gunfire sounds]

Nick Lang: I mean another cop... besides me!

John Moss: You might wanna try skipping a meal every now and then. Somewhere there's a small country going hungry.

John Moss: She hates me.

Nick Lang: Buy her a pony.

John Moss: I mean Susan.

Nick Lang: Buy her a horse.

Nick Lang: [about the Party Crasher] I can't believe he'd just kill in broad daylight like that.

John Moss: Maybe he's a big ham bone like you and he craves the attention.

Nick Lang: Hey, John, you know what a big ham bone like me hates more than anything else in the world?

John Moss: [not interested] Oh, yeah? What's that?

Nick Lang: A bad review.

[Moss stops, getting an idea. He turns around and waves at the news crew hovering by the crime scene]

John Moss: Hey, Frank! Frank! You want an interview? You got it!