The Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear (1991)

Leslie Nielsen: Lt. Frank Drebin

Photos 

17 more photos

Quotes 

• Waiter : Telephone call, commissioner.

  Commissioner Anabell Brumford : Thank you.

  [picks up phone] 

  Commissioner Anabell Brumford : Hello?... He did what?... How many animals escaped?... Oh, my God...

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Good evening, commissioner. You're looking lovely tonight.

  Commissioner Anabell Brumford : Do you realize that because of you this city is being overrun by baboons?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Well, isn't that the fault of the voters?

  [Frank walks away, leaving Commissioner Brumford with an astonished face] 

• Lt. Frank Drebin : Now, Jane, what can you tell us about the man you saw last night?

  Jane Spencer : He's Caucasian.

  Ed Hocken : Caucasian?

  Jane Spencer : Yeah, you know, a white guy. A moustache. About six-foot-three.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Awfully big moustache.

• Lt. Frank Drebin : That's the red light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging out down there.

  Captain Ed Hocken : Sex, Frank?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Uh... no, not right now, Ed. We've got work to do.

• Lt. Frank Drebin : Miss, I'm Lt. Frank Drebin, and this is Captain Ed Hocken, Police Squad.

  Busty Female Shop Assistant : Is this some kind of bust?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Well... it's very impressive, yes, but we need to ask you a few questions.

• Quentin Hapsburg : Any final requests, Lieutenant?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Er, yes... Can I have the gun?

  Quentin Hapsburg : Ohh no! I'm not going to fall for that one!

• Lt. Frank Drebin : [12:01] 

  [describing Jane; voice-over] 

  Lt. Frank Drebin : I couldn't believe it was her. It was like a dream. But there she was, just as I remembered her. That delicately beautiful face. And a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seemed to say... "Hey! Look at these!" She was the kind of woman who made you want to drop to your knees and thank God you were a man! She reminded me of my mother, all right. No doubt about it.

  Ed Hocken : Frank, snap out of it! You're looking at her like she was your mother for Christ's sake!

• Lt. Frank Drebin : I'm single! I love being single! I haven't had this much sex since I was a Boy Scout leader!

  [Music stops playing. Everyone stops talking and stares at him] 

  Lt. Frank Drebin : [to everybody]  I mean at the time I was dating a lot.

• President George Bush : Frank, I'd like you to consider filling a special post I'm gonna create. It may mean long hours, dangerous nights, and being surrounded by some of the scummiest elements in our society.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : You want me to be in your cabinet?

  President George Bush : No. No! I want you to head up a new federal bureau of Police Squad.

• [Lt. Frank Drebin and Ed Hocken are in a sex shop making inquiries] 

  Lt. Frank Drebin : We're looking for Hector Savage. Where is he?

  Busty Female Shop Assistant : Why should I tell you, copper?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Because I'm the last line of defense between sleaze like this and the decent people of this town.

  [a male shop assistant walks in from a back storeroom] 

  Sex Shop Assistant : Oh, hi, Frank. Say, we finally got that model D83 Swedish sure-grip suck machine that you ordered.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : [to the Female Assistant; embarassed]  It's a gift.

• Lt. Frank Drebin : Oh, it's all right. I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr... Poopy Pants?

• Lt. Frank Drebin : Congratulations, Ed! I hear Edna's pregnant again.

  Ed Hocken : Yeah, and when I find the guy that did it...

• [Drebin is suspicious about Dr. Meinheimer] 

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Have you noticed anything different about him?

  Jane Spencer : Well, only that he's a foot taller, and he seems to be left handed now... Frank, what are you trying to tell me? That Quentin has somehow found an exact double for Dr. Meinheimer and that tomorrow that double will give a fraudulent report to the President?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Why, that's brilliant. That's a lot better than what I came up with.

• Commissioner Anabell Brumford : Ladies and gentlemen, I would now like to introduce a most special American. Tonight, he is being honoured for his 1000th drug-dealer killed.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : [to applause]  Thank you. But, in all honesty, the last three I backed over with my car. Luckily, they turned out to be drug-dealers.

• [after the explosion, Frank sees two bodies on the verge of death; he confronts one] 

  Lt. Frank Drebin : All right. Where is Hapsburg?

  Explosion Thug #1 : [groans in pain] 

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Where were you hit?

  Explosion Thug #1 : It's not that. You're on my groin!

  Lt. Frank Drebin : [gets off]  Oh. Sorry. All right, now! Where is he?

  Explosion Thug #1 : You're too late. Hapsburg has plan "B" in... In... In...

  [dies before he continues] 

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Where? Where?

  [drops the first thug] 

  Lt. Frank Drebin : All right. Who else is almost dead?

  Explosion Thug #2 : [raises his hand] 

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Okay, now.

  [grabs the 2nd thug] 

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Talk!

  Explosion Thug #2 : You're too late, Drebin.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : He already said that.

  Explosion Thug #2 : Where did he leave off?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Uh, "Hapsburg has plan "B" in...".

  Explosion Thug #2 : Oh, yeah. Hapsburg has plan "B" in... In...

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Where? Where? Talk, you low-life scum!

  Explosion Thug #2 : Gee. If that's your attitude, forget it!

  [he chokes and dies] 

• Lt. Frank Drebin : This is Frank Drebin, Police Squad. Throw down your guns, and come on out with your hands up. Or come on out, then throw down your guns, whichever way you wanna do it. Just remember the two key elements here: one, guns to be thrown down; two, come on out!

• Banquet Doorman : Your coat, sir?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Yes, it is. And I have a receipt to prove it.

• Lt. Frank Drebin : Go ahead, threaten me like you have the American people for so long! You're part of a dying breed, Hapsburg, like people who can name all fifty states! The truth hurts, doesn't it, Hapsburg? Oh sure, maybe not as much as landing on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts!

• Terence Baggett : [sniffs]  What's that smell?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Oh, that would be me. I've been swimming in raw sewage. I love it.

  [louder] 

  Lt. Frank Drebin : I love it!

  Ed Hocken : [in a van, listening to Drebin]  That's the signal, let's go!

  [Hocken and his men try to open the van's back doors but they can't because it's been parked right next to a telephone pole] 

  Quentin Hapsburg : Search him.

  [a henchman starts patting Drebin down] 

  Lt. Frank Drebin : I love it!

• Lt. Frank Drebin : You know, sometimes I envy you and Edna. You have the same person every day for over 30 years. You wake up, eat with her, sleep with her. Make love to the same woman.

  [Ed looks increasingly disgusted as Frank goes on] 

  Lt. Frank Drebin : You spend every possible waking moment together, while I'm out running around with a bunch of 20-year-olds who only want a good time and cheap sex sex sex. Girls who can't say no. Girls who can't get enough. "More, more, more. It's your turn now to wear the handcuffs... "

  [Ed starts foaming at the mouth... literally] 

  Lt. Frank Drebin : I just want love, Ed.

  Ed Hocken : I'm sure you'll... find love, Frank.

• Lt. Frank Drebin : [on phone]  Ed, I'm onto something big. I'm gonna need you and Nordberg tomorrow.

  [pause] 

  Lt. Frank Drebin : What's he doing in Detroit?

  [pause] 

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Well, send him plane fare and a new pair of pants.

• Waiter : Sir?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Gimme the strongest thing you got.

  [Waiter brings over a greased-up muscle man. Drebin flounders] 

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Uh... on second thought, how about a black Russian?

  Waiter : Very well sir.

  [raises eyebrow, looks at camera, shakes head and walks off] 

• Lt. Frank Drebin : Hector Savage. From Detroit. Ex-boxer. His real name was Joey Chicago.

  Ed Hocken : Oh, yeah. He fought under the name of Kid Minneapolis.

  Nordberg : I saw Kid Minneapolis fight once. In Cincinnati.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : No you're thinking of Kid New York. He fought out of Philly.

  Ed Hocken : He was killed in the ring in Houston. By Tex Colorado. You know, the Arizona Assassin.

  Nordberg : Yeah, from Dakota. I don't remember it was North or South.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : North. South Dakota was his brother. From West Virginia.

  Ed Hocken : You sure know your boxing.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : All I know is never bet on the white guy.

  [Nordberg nods in agreement] 

• Lt. Frank Drebin : [greeting the wheelchair bound Dr. Meinheimer]  Don't get up.

• Quentin Hapsburg : Do you gamble?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Every time I order out.

• Lt. Frank Drebin : [Waiter at Blue Note hands him a drink]  I've got one already.

  Waiter : It's from the lady.

  [Frank looks up. Jane waves at him from across the room] 

  Ed Hocken : [Frank looks reluctant]  Go to her, Frank. Go onnn. I'll see you in the morning.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : [Sitting down again after making his way across the room]  This is not easy for me to say. I'm lonely, I'm lost, I just want someone to hold, to love.

  Jane Spencer : [Interrupting him from a nearby table]  Frank... over here.

  [Frank looks up and discovers that the table occupied by a man. The man looks at him tersely] 

• Dr. Meinheimer : It's a terrible thing that's happened here, Lieutenant. I do hope you will find the people responsible.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : I'm sorry I can't be more optimistic, Doctor, but we've got a long road ahead of us. It's like having sex. It's a painstaking and arduous task that seems to go on and on forever, and just when you think things are going your way, nothing happens.

• Quentin Hapsburg : We'll be at the reception. Make sure nothing happens to him while I'm gone. Then, I want the pleasure of killing you myself.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : The pleasure is all mine.

  [Hapsburg nods, then frowns] 

• Ted Olsen : I'll be departing tomorrow for Boston where I'll be delivering a major address to the American Arhaeological society. And I'm booked on Geraldo next week

  Lt. Frank Drebin : You're going on Geraldo because of this?

  Ted Olsen : No. My wife is a transsexual Satan worshiper.

• Quentin Hapsburg : I don't recall seeing your name on the guest list.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Nothing to be embarrassed about. I sometimes go by my maiden name.

• [Lt. Frank Drebin making a speech at the White House] 

  Lt. Frank Drebin : ...blowing away a fleeing suspect with my 44 magnum used to mean everything to me, I enjoyed it, well who wouldn't?

• Lt. Frank Drebin : [making a speech at a ceremony where he is being congratulated by President George H. W. Bush]  Now, I want to be known as the environmental police Lieutenant. I want a world where Frank Junior and all the Frank Juniors can sit under a shade tree, breathe the air, swim in the ocean, and go into a 7-Eleven without an interpreter.

  [the audience starts clapping] 

  Lt. Frank Drebin : I want a world where I can eat a sea otter without getting sick! I want a world where the Democrats will put somebody up there worth voting for!

  Lt. Frank Drebin : [the audience cheers and claps louder. George and Barbara Bush are shown clapping and then awkwardly stopping when they realise what he's just said]  I may not get there with ya! But most of all, I want a world where I can wake up each morning with this woman, whom I love.

  [embraces and kisses Mrs. Bush, mistaking her for Jane] 

• Lt. Frank Drebin : Looks like the cows have come home to roost.

• Jane Spencer : I feel like such a fool. I should have never doubted you.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : There, there. You had no way of knowing the man you were dating was a vicious, murdering sociopath.

• Quentin Hapsburg : Jane and I have seen each other a lot lately. How's my little hell-cat?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Well, that's great. I've been dating too - a nice girl, an author. She wrote the book on male sexual dysfunction. You probably read her.

• Lt. Frank Drebin : [in the aftermath of a bombing]  Any witnesses, Ed?

  Ed Hocken : Well, just one. A woman. She saw a man leaving just before the explosion. Maybe we should let Nordberg handle this one.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : No, I'd better do it while it's still fresh.

  Ed Hocken : Well, not now, Frank. She fainted dead away. She took a nasty knock on the head. She looks pretty bad.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : I'll handle it.

  [approaching a Quasimodo-ish humpbacked woman] 

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Excuse me, miss. I'd like to ask you a few questions.

  Ed Hocken : Uh, Frank, not that bad.

• Jane Spencer : [after an attempt on her life]  Who would want to kill you, Frank?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Before tonight? Only the cable company.

• Jane Spencer : Look, Frank, I-I... I know this is awkward, but you're not still obsessed with our relationship, are you?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Obsessed? Who's obsessed? Just because you backed out of the wedding two years ago? I've forgotten all about it. It's ancient history, like the Democratic Party.

  Ed Hocken : Frank?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : He was in tears in church. Crying like a baby.

  Ed Hocken : Uh, Frank, get a hold of yourself.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : I had to return 13 Cuisinarts.

  Ed Hocken : That's enough, Frank, really.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Kept the salad shooter, though.

• Jane Spencer : Oh, Frank, we were no good together. All you ever lived for was your police work.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : And you were always busy trying to save the end zone layer.

  Jane Spencer : Ozone layer. Frank, you never tried to understand.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : How can you say that? I sank every penny I had into buying that 1,000 acres of Brazilian rainforest. Then I had it slashed and burned so we could build our dream house.

  Jane Spencer : Frank! How could you be so insensitive?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Insensitive? You think it's easy displacing an entire tribe? You try it sometime.

• Lt. Frank Drebin : You can't let old hurts die, can you? You walk out of my life, no explanation.

  Jane Spencer : Didn't you get the letters I sent you?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Every one of them. Didn't open them. Tore them up. Threw them in the fire.

  Jane Spencer : Then you didn't get the check for 75,000 that your uncle left you in his will?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : [awkwardly changing the subject]  Why are you here?

  Jane Spencer : I remembered something about the crime. As I was looking out the window, I saw a red van parked across the street.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Red van. Well, thank you. That'll be very helpful. So, you said your piece. You can go now, right?

  Jane Spencer : That's not my only reason for being here. Frank, I want us to be friends.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Sure, friends. Bet if I dusted you for prints right now, there'd be your lover boy Quentin Hapsburg's.

  Jane Spencer : Oh, you...!

  Lt. Frank Drebin : [catching her hand as she moves to slap him]  Well, I see a certain kitten still knows how to scratch.

  [he catches her other hand, too; a third hand inexplicable pops up from nowhere and slaps him] 

  Jane Spencer : [he lets her go]  I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that.

• Captain Ed Hocken : [staking out one of Hapsburg's warehouses]  Frank, I'm telling you, we've got no business doing this. All we've got is some dock pass and your hunch.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : You mark my words, Ed, that Hapsburg is up to something, right up to his pretty, imported shirt collar.

  [getting into a scuba wetsuit] 

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Couldn't have picked a better day for it. This fog'll keep us concealed all the way over to Hapsburg's warehouse.

  Captain Ed Hocken : That's not fog, Frank. The number two engine's on fire. They're trying to put it out.

• [Frank meets Jane after a long time] 

  Lt. Frank Drebin : How are the children?

  Jane Spencer : We didn't have any children.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Yes, of course.

  Jane Spencer : How was your prostate operation?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Oh, good. Fine. Never been better.

• Lt. Frank Drebin : Real nice party, Hapsburg... I see a lot of familiar face-lifts.

• Ed Hocken : Now, Jane, about this man you saw last night... anything can help.

  Jane Spencer : Yes, I-I gave the sketch artist a description.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : [seeing the artist drew Jane instead]  Uh... Ed? That'll be all, McTigue.

  [showing the sketch to Ed] 

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Why don't we get that other artist, you know, the one who never dates? Lives with those two guys?

• Ed Hocken : You're still thinking about Jane, aren't you?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : She's part of my life, Ed. Always will be. I think about her constantly. But it's done. Minute I heard her say "get out of my life forever," I knew it was over.

• Jane Spencer : Frank, what are you doing here?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : I enjoy a good party.

  Jane Spencer : Why are you really here, Frank?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : I can sum that up in three words: Quentin Hapsburg. I never liked him from the moment I laid eyes on him. The man is as dirty as a coalminer's underwear in January.

  Jane Spencer : Oh, Frank, what's gotten into you? He's a kind, gentle, concerned man who cares about people and is not as suspicious as some people I know.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Oh, yeah? Why don't you ask him what his connection is with the red van you saw the night of the explosion?

  Jane Spencer : I don't know what you're talking about.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Well, why don't you ask him if he's pals with a two-bit goon named Hector Savage?

  Jane Spencer : Frank, stop it! You're just jealous because another man can give me the understanding that you never could.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : I just hope your pal Quentin is watching right now, 'cause I know he'll be jealous.

  [shaking her in a humorously-exaggerated violent manner] 

  Lt. Frank Drebin : And a jealous man always makes the wrong moves. I'm counting on that.

  [spinning her, he accidentally tears the skirt of her dress off] 

• Lt. Frank Drebin : [narrating]  My name is Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant, Police Squad. I was in the middle of getting my car washed when I heard the call over the police scanner.

  [a carwash attendant is on the top of his sudsy car, clinging for dear life] 

  Lt. Frank Drebin : There'd been a bombing downtown. And I was on my way to advise the D.C. police as part of the president's Operation: Scum Roundup. As far as police work is concerned, every once in a while, something comes up that nothing quite prepares you for. Somehow, some demented madman, probably full of self-hate, and possibly a couple of months behind in his rent, finally snapped.

• Nordberg : They just finished searching the building. Now, there's no sign of a break-in and there's no money missing.

  Ed Hocken : Huh.

  Nordberg : Man, this was one hell of an explosion. Still trying to figure out what they used.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Any other victims?

  Ed Hocken : Uh, you're standing on one right now, Frank.

• Quentin Hapsburg : I believe you were inquiring about "plan B." That's where we detonate a small nuclear device. Your Dr. Meinheimer can talk all he wants to. No one's gonna be left alive to hear it.

  [activating the bomb] 

  Quentin Hapsburg : I'm the only one who knows the abort code. In exactly ten minutes, this building and everyone in it will be reduced to a pile of rubble. I'll be safely on my helicopter. By this time tomorrow, I'll be hunting rhino in Botswana. What do you think of that, Drebin?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Well, you certainly seem to be in touch with your anger.

• Captain Ed Hocken : [disguised as a mariachi band]  Frank, I think we'd better make our move.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : You're right, Ed. I'm thinking of something a little more up-tempo, like "Guantanamera."

• Lt. Frank Drebin : [showing Hapsburg a picture of Hector Savage]  Who's this?

  Quentin Hapsburg : I wouldn't know.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : He's been a bad boy. He blew up a building he shouldn't have, and he's driving a van that's registered in your name.

  Quentin Hapsburg : We own lots of vans. One of them was stolen not more than three days ago. Look, Lieutenant, I have nothing to hide.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Maybe so, but I'm warning you, Hapsburg, you so much as sneeze and I'm gonna be there to wipe your nose.

• Quentin Hapsburg : Que sera sera... You do speak French, don't you?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Unfortunately no, but I do kiss that way.

• Lt. Frank Drebin : Dr. Meinheimer.

  Earl Hacker : Yes?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Or should I say, Hacker!

  [Frank rips off his fake mustache] 

  Earl Hacker : Drebin!

  [Hacker gets up from his wheelchair and tries to attack Drebin, but Drebin punches him in the gut and he falls back into his wheelchair. Drebin starts punching him in the face repeatedly] 

  Hey, look what he's doing to that man in the wheelchair! : [watching]  Oh! Look what he's doing to that man in the wheelchair! Can't someone help?

  'Yeah!' : Yeah!

  Let's get him. : Come on, guys! Let's get him!

  [a group of men pull Drebin away from Meinheimer and start punching him] 

  Let's get him. : Beat up a guy in a wheelchair, huh?

• Lt. Frank Drebin : [Frank, Ed, and Nordberg are staking out Hapsburg's hideout.Frank is communicating with Ed Hocken by way of a walkie talkie]  Ed, I'm gonna try the roof.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : [after unsuccessfully attempting to scale the roof with a grappling hook]  Ed, I'm gonna try it again.

• Jane Spencer : [tugging Frank's arm]  Is there no end to your jealousy?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Jane, you're hurting me.

• Lt. Frank Drebin : [at The Blue Note]  Ed. Sit down. Pull up a memory or two.

• Lt. Frank Drebin : Does he have any identifying marks? A scar, a mole, a tattoo, webbed toes, a third nostril?

  Jane Spencer : Well, he has a birthmark in the shape of Whistler's Mother on his right buttock.

• Jane Spencer : Frank, this is Quentin Hapsburg of Hexagon Oil Company.

  Quentin Hapsburg : Pleased to meet you, Mr.?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : Drebin. Frank Drebin. I believe I've used some of your rest rooms.

• Lt. Frank Drebin : Ed, is it just my imagination or is the whole world crazy?

  Ed Hocken : No, it's just a small percentage of the population.

• Lt. Frank Drebin : They'll probably torture him, then kill him.

  Jane Spencer : [crying]  It's all my fault.

  Lt. Frank Drebin : They'll probably start by tearing out his toe nails, then move on to nose hairs.

  Jane Spencer : Oh, no!

• Lt. Frank Drebin : I told Jane to meet us at the hotel's rear entrance.

  Ed Hocken : Where's that, Frank?

  Lt. Frank Drebin : In the back.

• Lt. Frank Drebin : I've learnt something this past week. About the Earth. And about love. I guess love is like the ozone layer. You never miss it until it's gone.