Dr. Michael Mancini: It's this building... it makes people nuts. It must be something in the water, something to do with the pool. Come to think of it, I was normal when I moved in.
Amanda Woodward: What can I say, when God was passing out business sense, Jane was in the back of the line getting her nails done.
Amanda Woodward: Count your friends, Michael... Oops, done already?
Sydney Andrews Mancini Field: [Sydney's note] No doctors in today. Burns in jail, Mancini in hospital.
Michael: Call me old-fashioned, but I'd like to know who I'm sleeping with.
Sydney: What's happening in her world is not exactly happening in ours.
Sydney: By the way, Kimberly, how is electroshock going? Certainly has put an attractive curl in your hair.
[Jane is trying to comfort Richard after Mackenzie's death]
Richard Hart: [coldly] Keep your clothes on Jane, it's not gonna work this time.
[greeting Taylor while leaving Kyle's Restaurant]
Amanda Woodward: Put on weight, Taylor?
[Discussing their mutual divorces over dinner, where Peter has dressed Taylor in Beth's conservative clothing]
Dr. Peter Burns: I mean, first Craig and now Kyle. You're losing ground Amanda. It's almost slutty.
Kyle McBride: Hey. That's a lady your talking to.
Taylor Davis McBride: Oh that's funny. The male slut defending the female slut.
Kyle McBride: Better a slut than a conniving bitch.
Amanda Woodward: Or worse, a conniving bitch in some *ugly* ass clothes.
[to Coop, about an unconcious Lexi]
Dr. Peter Burns: I leave for five minutes and you show up. What is it with you and unconscious women?
[At Kyle and Amanda's engagement party]
Taylor Davis McBride: I think before the main course comes out, that one of you should give a toast to the happy couple. Now, anyone will do, except for the wannabe war-bride Christine. I don't think you'd have anything nice to say, now would you?
Kyle McBride: Damnit Taylor, I said back off.
Taylor Davis McBride: Hey! Excuse me if I think it's inappropriate that you bring the girl you've been dreaming about for years here.
Amanda Woodward: This is none of your business, *waitress*. Now go get us more food.
Amanda Woodward: Is your memory that selective or are you just suffering from some grand delusion?
[Jo has removed Richard's towel for the 2nd time]
Richard Hart: I'm not safe in a towel around you, am I?
Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini: Love hurts. Remember that Michael.
Amanda Woodward: If you're going to kiss me, don't do that pent-up macho anger thing. I don't like bruises.
Sydney Andrews Mancini Fields: Flirtation is a tough thing. It's like dandruff... you can't always see it, but it's always there.
Kyle McBride: Syd, I kid you not, you are California incarnate.
Sydney Andrews Mancini Fields: You mean like, totally hip, totally together?
Kyle McBride: No, I mean totally spaced-out.
[Amanda on men]
Amanda: Get used to the fact that even the most perfect, sensitive guy is, bottom line,a dog. I mean, he might be a well-behaved dog, but he still howls at the moon and grabs the first leg he can get ahold of.
Alison: You know Jake as well as anyone, and he's supposedly this man of action, but his only solution on how to handle a wigged out Jane is to do nothing. What is that?
Billy: I find it really weird you coming to me about this.
Alison: Well I'm 'that' desperate.
Billy: Well 'that' desperate could lead to Jake throwing another punch at me all right.
Samantha Reilly Campbell: Either you take a chance or you end up alone, right? So what the hell...
Jo Reynolds: I'm going to cancel the paper. It's just more proof that the world sucks.
[giving Peter shopping advice]
Taylor Davis McBride: You never buy your second wife a nicer ring than your first.
[learning that Megan is a hooker]
Dr. Michael Mancini: I've had a lot of practice dealing with women who, shall we say... stray from the norm.
Dr. Peter Burns: Talk is cheap Amanda. Then again, so are you.
[about life on the West coast]
Samantha Reilly Campbell: Everyone out here has this kinky sort of desperation.
Dr. Michael Mancini: I don't know how it works with your kind, but when I buy a woman a closet full of clothes, it's because I want to see her naked.
Dr. Michael Mancini: If you get us back together, what's in it for you?
Jennifer Mancini: ["Godfather" voice] One day Michael, I will come to you for a favor, and when I do, you will grant me that favor... no matter what it is. Capiche?
Dr. Michael Mancini: [pause] You're the weird one in the family... you know that, right?
[Amanda and Kyle are kissing in front of Jennifer at the Jazz Club]
Jennifer Mancini: Are we working? Or are you gonna mate right in front of me?
Amanda Woodward: Divorced, married, widowed, and all in what? 48 hours?
Lexi Sterling Cooper: They took my picture, too. My new name is now 26401.
[Megan and Ryan have lovemaking fest]
Megan: Next time I'm going grocery shopping before the orgy.
Taylor Davis McBride: Michael, listen... I don't want a relationship, I don't want a commitment... I need your sperm.
[to Lexi, about their marriage and his affair with Kimberly]
Dr. Brett "Coop" Cooper: You drove me to Kimberly. Think back, we barely talked, we fought all the time. Come to think of it, even in a coma Kimberly had more sex appeal.
Taylor Davis McBride: So where are you off to? To spend the day with your friend Eric plotting the death of my restaurant?
Megan Lewis Mancini: You know, I don't work for Eric anymore, so if you'll exscuse me...
Taylor Davis McBride: How come? He get tired of you and throw you out of bed?
Megan Lewis Mancini: For your information, I never slept with Eric. The only woman he wants in bed is Amanda. He would give up the world for one night with her, and guess what? She would never do it. You can kiss your restaurant goodbye. Personally, I hope you end up in the gutter.
[Before Amanda's wedding to Kyle]
Taylor Davis McBride: Amanda! I couldn't find anything blue, but I did find something old... a picture of Kyle and me on *our* wedding day. Oh hell, you already got the something borrowed bit with my husband. Too bad he hasn't shown! All the guests out there are wondering if maybe he stood you up.
Amanda Woodward: You know, I don't remember you being added to the guest list, so why don't you get out of here?
Taylor Davis McBride: Gladly. Oh, by the way... that dress is hideous.
Richard: Keep your clothes on Jane, it's not gonna work this time.