Brain Donors (1992)

Mel Smith: Rocco Melonchek

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rocco Melonchek : You're lying.

  Roland T. Flakfizer : Of course I am, but hear me out!

• Roland T. Flakfizer : So, do you enjoy being a cab driver?

  Rocco Melonchek : Nah. As soon as I get my driver's license, I'm quitting.

• [the amount on a taxi meter is rising quickly] 

  Roland T. Flakfizer : Aren't those numbers going by a little fast?

  Rocco Melonchek : You're probably just a speed reader.

• Roland T. Flakfizer : You can be my chauffeur.

  Rocco Melonchek : How much?

  Roland T. Flakfizer : 200 bucks a week.

  Rocco Melonchek : 600.

  Roland T. Flakfizer : 300.

  Jacques : 400.

  Rocco Melonchek : 800.

  Jacques : 900.

  Roland T. Flakfizer : Wait a minute, wait a minute! Shouldn't I be in this negotiation somewhere? 350 and not a penny more.

  Rocco Melonchek : I'll take it.

  Jacques : What happened to one thousand?

  Rocco Melonchek : I allow for taxes. I want four weeks in advance.

  Jacques : Five weeks.

  Rocco Melonchek : Six weeks.

  Roland T. Flakfizer : Hold it, hold it, I'm giving you one minute to stop all this!

  Rocco Melonchek : Two minutes.

  Jacques : Five minutes.

  Rocco Melonchek : Seven minutes.

  Jacques : Nine minutes.

  Roland T. Flakfizer : I've stepped into my own private living hell...

• Rocco : Charity work. I gather these for those less fortunate than myself who can't afford pornography.

• Rocco Melonchek : We'll have to perform a full rectum-ology.

  Roland T. Flakfizer : Fondue, an epidemic! drop those pants... Not you, the patient.

  Doctor : I thought you were cardiologists...

  Rocco Melonchek : Uh, well, they're all connected, we enter the rectum and head north.

  Roland T. Flakfizer : Why do you think we have such long instruments?

• Lazlo : [upon discovering that the doctors were the three men in disguise]  Aha! So you were the doctors!

  Rocco : No we're not them. We're somebody else. The men you're looking for are our identical twin brothers, and you'll never see us together, 'cause we love the same women!

• Rocco : [as a dog rips his trouser leg]  What a charming little animal.

  Lillian Oglethorpe : Do you know dogs, Mister Melonchek?

  Rocco : Know dogs? I used to be a chef in a Korean restaurant!

• Jacques : Society's to blame.

  Roland T. Flakfizer : Too much violence in the movies.

  Rocco Melonchek : It's my environment.

  Jacques : We were carrying out orders!

  Roland T. Flakfizer : It's the Japanese. They're buying up everything.

  Rocco Melonchek : Did we leave anything out?

• Roland T. Flakfizer : You're not going to try and cheat me or anything.

  Rocco Melonchek : I give you my word as a gentleman.

  Roland T. Flakfizer : Well, you had me until then.

• Rocco Melonchek : [checking Mrs. Oglethorpe's pulse]  I don't feel a thing. This woman is dead!

  Flakfizer : You're holding *his* wrist!

  Rocco Melonchek : Then this man is dead!