Ralph Willum: I'll tell you a secret. I didn't do it for science. And I didn't do it for glory. I'M JUST MEAN!

Lance: Blind kids, a midget, dykes on bikes... we could start a side-show!

Donny: Jeez, Dad, maybe if you don't eat anybody, nobody'll notice you're a zombie.

Ralph Willum: What's the Bob motto?

Bob: If God had...

Ralph Willum: I can't hear you!

Bob: If GOD had wanted me to be like normal people, he would have made me look like normal people...

[Bob Willum and a grieving widow are at a grave]

Ralph Willum: Dearly beloved we are gathered...

[He notices sand leaking out of the coffin, as it is devoid of the corpse]

Ralph Willum: Well... what the fuck, why dwell on it?

Rox: You're the Sluts! Try and act like it!

Lucile: I'm going to get me some meat.

Dede: [an army of zombies attacks the town] Shoot!

Nurse: We can't. They're us. They're good people.

Dede: They're going to eat you!

Nurse: Family.

Opening title card: Life's a bitch and then you die. Usually.