Death Becomes Her (1992)
Goldie Hawn: Helen Sharp
Photos
Quotes
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[Helen has a gaping hole in her abdomen after being shot into a pool]
Helen : Look at me, Ernest! Just look at me! I'm soaking wet!
Ernest Menville : And there seems to be something wrong with your, uh... blouse.
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Helen : She was a homebreaker. She was a man-eater. And she was a *bad* actress.
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[Helen and Madeleine shatter into pieces after falling down stairs]
Helen : Do you remember where you parked the car?
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[Helen pours alcohol all over Madeline's car and then dumps the bottles inside, revealing dozens of bottles and alcohol everywhere]
Helen : We'll make it look like she's had just a little bit too much to drink...
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Helen : I will not speak to you 'til you put your head on straight.
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Helen Sharp : En garde, BITCH!
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Helen : She married a brilliant surgeon, and turned him into an undertaker.
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Helen Sharp : By the time they perform the autopsy, the narconal will be completely dissolved leaving only traces of alcohol. She'll be classified as just "another drunk-driver". They'll check her blood alcohol.
Coroner : [Coroner picks up charred hand with bottle] .40... She had it coming.
[Drops hand, bottle brakes]
Helen Sharp : And think nothing more of it.
Helen Sharp : The case is closed, Madeline is dead, and we're free!
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[last lines]
Madeline Ashton : Has that ever worked by the way? When you ask me where I last saw something?
Helen Sharp : Yes.
Madeline Ashton : When?
Helen Sharp : When you lost your index finger.
Madeline Ashton : I didn't lose it, it broke off.
Helen Sharp : That's because you cracked your knuckles all the tIIII...
[slipping on the can of spray paint they dropped]
Helen Sharp : Oh! Help me! My legs aren't working! Help me!
[Helen pulls a smug Madeline down with her and they break into pieces as they hit the bottom of the stairs]
Madeline Ashton : [as a head to Madeline's] Do you remember where you parked the car?
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Helen Sharp : You're a powerful sexual being, Ernest.
Ernest Menville : I am?
Helen Sharp : Yes, you are. If I never told you before, it was because I wasn't the sort of girl who could say the word "sexual" without blushing. Well I can now. Sexual... sensual... sexy... sex... sex... sex...
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Helen Sharp : [Helen throws a Spade at Madeleine, who catches it] En garde! *Bitch*!
Ernest Menville : Girls, girls! Let's just calm down! I'm sure we can settle this peacefully and nego... WHOA!
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Ernest Menville : Do you know what they call someone who sticks by their word no matter what? At the cost of all else? Do you know?
Helen : No.
Ernest Menville : An idiot. From now on I'm gonna be the kind of idiot *I* wanna be. An idiot with a modicum of pride, because you know what? I finally realized something. I've lived up to my promise. Till death do us part. Well, you girls are dead. And I'm parting. Cheers.
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Helen : You have no talent for poverty.
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Helen : I want you to know something. I have never blamed you for leaving me. I always knew it was her. She's a woman. A woman, Ernest. From Newark, for God's sake.
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Madeline Ashton : Who cares how I played? I won!
Ernest Menville : I'll just be upstairs...
Helen : That's 'cause you could raise your legs higher than anyone.
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Ernest Menville : [frantically] Life in prison? Know what that means to a person in your condition?
Helen : So negative. Let me enjoy the moment.
Ernest Menville : What about the neighbors?
Helen : Neighbors? In 12 years in Los Angeles, have you ever seen a neighbor?
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Psychologist : You have got to forget about her! You have got to erase her from your mind. You have to completely eliminate any tra...
Helen Sharp : What?
Psychologist : You have to completely eliminate...
Helen Sharp : You're right.
Psychologist : What?
Helen Sharp : You're absolutely right!
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[after being shot into a pond, by Madeline]
Helen : That was totally uncalled for.
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Helen : You can't raise an eyebrow without major surgery!
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Ernest Menville : Life has turned out as quite a party.
Helen : You used to hate parties.
Ernest Menville : That was when I was old. You should see me now.
Helen : I didn't know you were so unhappy.
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Ernest Menville : [yells when he finds Helen in the house, when he has been upstairs preserving and painting Madeline]
Helen : [drops shovel] Where is she!
Ernest Menville : [nervously] Oh my gosh - Helen! What are you doing here?
Helen : [suspicious] What's that on your hands - blood?
Ernest Menville : Paint.
Helen : Paint? What would you be doing that you have paint on your hands?
Ernest Menville : Painting.
Helen : Ernest - are you doing something funny with Madeline?
Ernest Menville : Define "funny".
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Helen : Now, listen to me, Ernest. I thought this thing through carefully and I know it's the only way. Tonight, while she's asleep, you'll sneak downstairs, quietly, go to the study, and take one of each kind of wine glass from the shelf. Then, you'll take this narcanal and lightly coat each glass. As you know, narcanal is a very powerful alcohol-based tranquilizer, so you won't need much. Tomorrow, I'll call Madeline to say goodbye. I'll try to get her to invite me to dinner.
Madeline : *In fantasy sequence* Fine, why don't you just come to dinner?
Helen : Then, at dinner, we propose a toast. No matter which glass she drinks from, the narcanal will be on the glass. Then, you and I work together quickly. First, we finish dinner. Then, we load her in the car, take her to the top of Mulholland Drive, call the police and report that we've seen a drunk woman swerving dangerously close to the edge.
Ernest : *In fantasy sequence* There's some drunk woman up here on Mulholland, swerving dangerously close to the edge.
Helen : We'll sit her up in the driver's seat and make it look like she's had just a little bit too much too drink. We drop the car into gear, wedge her foot down on the accelerator, clamp her hands on the steering wheel and send her on her way. By the time they perform the autopsy, the narcanal will be completely dissolved, leaving only traces of alcohol. She'll be classified as just...
Fantasy Doctor #1 : *In Helen's voice during fantasy sequence*... another drunk driver.
Helen : They'll check her blood-alcohol.
Fantasy Doctor #2 : .4-0. She had it coming.
Helen : And think nothing more of it. The case is closed, Madeline is dead and we're free.
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Madeline Ashton : [as she and Helen fight each other with shovels] You should learn not to compete with me, I always win!
Helen : You may have always won, but you never played fair!
Madeline Ashton : Who cares how I played, I *won*!
Ernest Menville : I'll just be upstairs.
Helen : Yeah, that's 'cause you can raise your legs *higher* and *wider* than anyone!
Madeline Ashton : AND BETTER!
Helen : But look at you now! You couldn't raise an eyebrow without major surgery!
Madeline Ashton : I've raised a lot more than an eyebrow in my day, you skinny, phony, hollow bitch!
Helen : Yeah? Well, you lost your one and only talent!
Madeline Ashton : Which was one more talent than you had, you former fatso!
