Tutti Bomowski: [pointing the gun at her son] Go ahead! Make your bed.
Tutti Bomowski: His ass was the grass and I was the lawnmower.
Joe Brofmowski: Stop or my mom will shoot!
Tutti Bomowski: [singing softly and contentedly as she sloshes and scrubs Joe's prized .45 in the dishpan] This is the way we wash our gun... wash our gun... wash our gun...
Tutti Bomowski: [to the flight attendants] It was so cute, when he was 6 years old he walked into the kitchen and said "Mommy! My peepee's stuck in my zipper!"
Joe Brofmowski: Why didn't you answer when I called?
Tutti Bomowski: That was you? You never called.
Joe Brofmowski: That was me, why didn't you pick up the phone?
Tutti Bomowski: Every year when I'm about to come out to visit, you call and say it's not a good time, so I decided not to answer the phone this time in case you called.
Tutti Bomowski: And here we can see the beginnings of good equipment.
Tutti Bomowski: [haggling over automatic machine gun] Do you want to stand out here all week dreaming of a thousand dollars?
Tutti: For now you can keep your pants on, Mister Parnell. But just remember one thing: I'll be back!