Troll 2 (1990)

So, if you're actually planning on watching this movie, you should be warned. It's not very good. I mean, really not good. At all. It's horrible. It's worse than horrible. Take the worst movie you've ever seen and multiply it by Graham's Number and you'll be close to how horrible this movie is. When someone says about a mediocre movie, "This is the worst movie ever!" you know they haven't seen this movie. Anyone who has seen this movie would be much more likely to say, "The movie I saw is pretty bad, but, it's not as bad as Troll 2." But it's unfair to compare because Troll 2 is like in a whole separate category.

Among the movies that are the worst of the worst, this one's not quite among the bottom dregs, which, to me, includes movies like Manos, Zaat, Beast of Yucca Flats and Pocket Ninjas (among those I've seen). Movies that have NO redeeming value. This movie sort of has redeeming values, which pushes it up (barely) to a 2 out of 10 in my book.

So what are these redeeming values, you ask. Well, there's the hammy over-acting of the witch Creedence, played by Deborah Reed. She doesn't appear to be trying to be funny, but her performance is so over the top, I comes across as comic gold. Then there's some weirdly memorable scenes, like the one where the witch makes out with a guy with a corncob between her teeth and then the room starts filling up with popcorn. And who can forget the scene where the boy, Joshua, pisses on everyone's food to save them (should I even try to explain this)? And then there's the famous "Oh my God!" line that's been popularized as one of the worst death scenes in film history.

To explain all the things about this movie that went wrong would exceed the character limit of this review, by a lot - a lot a lot. I won't even try. Unless you're really into bad movies, you should stay away from this movie, far away. You shouldn't even watch a movie on a video player that's ever been use to play this movie. It'd probably make even Citizen Kane suck by it's residual suckitude. Any video player that's been used to watch this movie should be subsequently burned and buried deep underground to prevent the infection from spreading. But if you are into bad movies and you love to laugh at them, this one is definitely worth laughing at.