Older Pete Wrigley: Why is it that when you miss somebody so much that your heart is ready to disintegrate, you always hear the saddest song ever on the radio?

Don Wrigley: C'mon Pete, we gotta kill Bob while he's still alive!

Bus Driver Stu Benedict: Carrot-top Judas... THOU HAST FORSAKEN ME!

[after Younger Pete attempts to break the world's record for days without sleep]

Joyce Wrigley: Beautiful day, isn't it?

Younger Pete Wrigley: Dawn was better.

Younger Pete Wrigley: Will I ever see you again?

Artie, The Strongest Man in the World: Worry not, boy. Worry not... for I am Artie, the strongest man

[takes superhero position]

Artie, The Strongest Man in the World: in the world!

Endless Mike Hellstrom: I am the Doctor of Death, and I have come to cure you of your life.

Park Ranger Thorsen: You got a license for that tattoo, son?

[Younger Pete shows him a license]

Younger Pete Wrigley: Read it and weep, fungus-lick!

Big Pete Wrigley: Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, the Spirit had ended; it had all been doused. The ornaments were yanked from the tree with despair, while dad vacuumed pine needles from his rump.

Younger Pete Wrigley: Hey, Blowhole, wherever you are, in forty-five minutes I'm going to be famous. And you know what you're going to be? A blowhole!

Artie, The Strongest Man in the World: Soon you will be like Cheese Boy: melty, melty, melty!

Older Pete Wrigley: She's a girl, and she's my friend, but she's not my girlfriend.

Mr. Throneberry: Aloha maku maku. Don Ho will not emerge from the Valley of Darkness.

Older Pete Wrigley: I'll give you anything you want. You can destroy anything in the house, tear up the yard, anything.

Endless Mike Hellstrom: Anything?

Older Pete Wrigley: Anything.


Endless Mike Hellstrom: You got any... Neapolitan ice cream?

[Older Pete nods]

Endless Mike Hellstrom: Good, Wrigley. Good.

Younger Pete Wrigley: Now begins the Age of Pete!

Artie, The Strongest Man in the World: Begone with you pulpy, before I fold you into some type of brochure!

Bus Driver Stu Benedict: Passenger Pete? Back of the bus!

Monica: I am so sick and tired of hearing lucky this and lucky that. Why don't you take your lucky necklace stuff it down your lucky mouth before I push you down this lucky hill and make you poop in your lucky underpants.

[after being betrayed by Pete while he's baking him a cake]

Bus Driver Stu Benedict: I'll just put the finishing touches to my...

[stabbing cake]

Bus Driver Stu Benedict: Trust! Loyalty! Niceness!

[Older Pete has just failed a driving simulator]

Mr. Slurm: Congratulations, Mr. Wrigley... you're dead.

Fran 'Pit Stain': [to Little Pete] We've all got our problems, Wrigley. Mine happens to be glandular, yours happens to be my fist!

Bus Driver Stu Benedict: [grabbing Pit Stain's arm before he can punch Little Pete] Hi. I'm Stu Benedict, bus driver, and you're...

[looking down at Pit Stain's arm, which is still in his hand, with visible disgust]

Bus Driver Stu Benedict: ... sweating all over me!

English Teacher: They shreked Shrek! And I just used a noun as a verb, what's wrong with me?