Older Pete Wrigley: Why is it that when you miss somebody so much that your heart is ready to disintegrate, you always hear the saddest song ever on the radio?
Don Wrigley: C'mon Pete, we gotta kill Bob while he's still alive!
Bus Driver Stu Benedict: Carrot-top Judas... THOU HAST FORSAKEN ME!
Endless Mike Hellstrom: I am the Doctor of Death, and I have come to cure you of your life.
Big Pete Wrigley: Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, the Spirit had ended; it had all been doused. The ornaments were yanked from the tree with despair, while dad vacuumed pine needles from his rump.
Younger Pete Wrigley: Hey, Blowhole, wherever you are, in forty-five minutes I'm going to be famous. And you know what you're going to be? A blowhole!
Artie, The Strongest Man in the World: Soon you will be like Cheese Boy: melty, melty, melty!
Older Pete Wrigley: She's a girl, and she's my friend, but she's not my girlfriend.
Mr. Throneberry: Aloha maku maku. Don Ho will not emerge from the Valley of Darkness.
Older Pete Wrigley: I'll give you anything you want. You can destroy anything in the house, tear up the yard, anything.
Endless Mike Hellstrom: Anything?
Older Pete Wrigley: Anything.
Endless Mike Hellstrom: You got any... Neapolitan ice cream?
[Older Pete nods]
Endless Mike Hellstrom: Good, Wrigley. Good.
Younger Pete Wrigley: Now begins the Age of Pete!
Artie, The Strongest Man in the World: Begone with you pulpy, before I fold you into some type of brochure!
Bus Driver Stu Benedict: Passenger Pete? Back of the bus!
Monica: I am so sick and tired of hearing lucky this and lucky that. Why don't you take your lucky necklace stuff it down your lucky mouth before I push you down this lucky hill and make you poop in your lucky underpants.
[Older Pete has just failed a driving simulator]
Mr. Slurm: Congratulations, Mr. Wrigley... you're dead.
Fran 'Pit Stain': [to Little Pete] We've all got our problems, Wrigley. Mine happens to be glandular, yours happens to be my fist!
Bus Driver Stu Benedict: [grabbing Pit Stain's arm before he can punch Little Pete] Hi. I'm Stu Benedict, bus driver, and you're...
[looking down at Pit Stain's arm, which is still in his hand, with visible disgust]
Bus Driver Stu Benedict: ... sweating all over me!
English Teacher: They shreked Shrek! And I just used a noun as a verb, what's wrong with me?