Mrs. Madrigal: Good. You're one of us then. Welcome to 28 Barbary Lane.

Mary Ann Singleton: Thank you.

Mrs. Madrigal: Yes, you should.

Mary Ann Singleton: Do you have any objection to pets?

Mrs. Madrigal: Dear, I have no objection to anything.

Mona Ramsay: Coke?

Mary Ann Singleton: No thanks, I'm on a diet. Do you have any Fresca?

Michael: [answering phone] The boring residence of Miss Mary Ann Singleton

Mary Ann Singleton: [grabbing receiver] MICHAEL!

Mary Ann's Mother: Mary Ann?

Mary Ann Singleton: oh... Hi Mom.

[takes phone into bedroom]

Mary Ann's Mother: Oh my God. We haven't heard from you in weeks.

Mary Ann Singleton: Sorry. It's been hectic.

Mary Ann's Mother: Who was that man?

Mary Ann Singleton: Who? Oh. Michael. Heeeee's...

Mary Ann's Mother: What's his last name?

Mary Ann Singleton: What?

Mary Ann's Mother: His last name Mary Ann. Don't you KNOW his last name? Oh my God... I saw something like this on "McMillan and Wife" just last week and...

Mary Ann Singleton: [walking out of bedroom holding receiver aloft for Mona and Michael to hear] What difference does it make what his last name is?

Mary Ann's Mother: You know darling, your father and I were talking and we thought you deserved a chance to try your wings. But we can't just let you throw your life away.

Mary Ann Singleton: It's my life to throw Mom.

Mary Ann's Mother: No it's not. Not when you apparently don't have the maturity to...

Mary Ann Singleton: Well how would you know?

Mary Ann's Mother: Mary Ann, a strange man answered the phone.

Mary Ann Singleton: He's not a strange man Mom. He's a homosexual

[mouthing "shhhhhhh" to Mona and Michael as Mona makes devil's antennae over Michael's head]

Mary Ann's Mother: WHAT?

Mary Ann Singleton: I know you've heard of them. They have them on TV now!

Anna Madrigal: Welcome to my little bordello.

[Mona opens Michael's door to find him in bed with Jon]

Mona Ramsay: Hi, I'm Nancy Drew. You must be the Hardy Boys.

Mona Ramsay: Mouse. Jesus. I figured you got kidnapped by the CIA.

Michael: Long time, huh?

Mona Ramsay: Three months.

Michael: Yeah, that's about my average.

Mona Ramsay: Oh, you got the shaft?

Michael: Well, we parted amiably enough. He was terribly civilized about it and I sat in Lafayette Park and cried all morning. Yeah, I got the shaft.

Mrs. Madrigal: He's a sweet boy, Mona. I approve of him wholeheartedly.

Mona Ramsay: You make it sound like we're married or something.

Mrs. Madrigal: There are all kinds of marriages, dear.

Mona Ramsay: I don't think you understand the trip with me and Michael.

Mrs. Madrigal: Mona, lots of things are more binding than sex. They last longer too.

Mary Ann Singleton: So, what do you do for fun?

Connie Bradshaw: You name it.

Mary Ann Singleton: I'd rather not.

[first lines]

Mary Ann's Mother: Hellooo?

Mary Ann Singleton: Mom, It's me.

Mary Ann's Mother: What's the matter did you miss your plane?

Mary Ann Singleton: No. I didn't

Mary Ann's Mother: You know darling we were just talking about you...

Mary Ann Singleton: Would you call Mr. Lassiter and say I won't be in on Monday?

Mona Ramsay: Michael, I think D'orothea has a drug problem.

Michael: What makes you think that?

Mona Ramsay: Yesterday I was in her study on the phone calling information trying to get her parents phone number and home address in Oakland when I found a horde of these totally unidentifiable capsules in her desk drawer while I was looking for a pen to write down her parents address. And later when I asked her about the pills, she started acting really... jumpy.

Michael: Has she been acting jumpy otherwise?

Mona Ramsay: Well... no, not exactly.

Michael: Then it's probably nothing. Relax.

Mona Ramsay: I can't. I'm saving my last Quaalude for Christmas Eve.