28 June 2009 | effjaysullivan
No spoilers here
Not because I want to preserve the integrity of this masterwork, but because I stopped watching it about half-way through.
First, the good: Alyssa Milano and Dey Young look beautiful in this film. Second, there are several hot heavy-metal-looking chicks in the movie, as well. Third, Zia Harris has the mullet for the ages -- he actually looks he could be the twin brother of Kim Richards from "Tuff Turf." I caught this movie on late-night cable just last week and my immediate thought was: Wow, "Happy Gilmore" aside, Christopher McDonald simply cannot act. Script was filled with any number of clichés: Mom killed in opening scene; boy estranged from his father, who hit the bottle hard after his wife's death. Cop who plays by his own rule but (I'm only guessing, not spoiling) is ultimately redeemed. Wacky, over-the-top evil villain (the always execrable Judd Nelson, rocking some impressive mutton-chop sideburns, like a twisted Elvis impersonator) ... you name it, it's in there. Zia Harris' rebel son character is given "depth" by having him spout a haiku to Alyssa Milano, so that's a bonus. Also, interminable opening credits showing the L.A. working waterfront. Yawn.
Quite simply, one of the worst movies I've seen in recent memory, and I've seen both "Pieces" and "The Incredible Melting Man."