Cool Runnings (1993)

John Candy: Irv

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sanka Coffie : I'm the driver.

  Irv : You're not. You're the brakeman.

  Sanka Coffie : You don't understand, I am Sanka Coffie, I am the best pushcart driver in all of Jamaica! I must drive! Do you dig where I'm coming from?

  Irv : Yeah, I dig where you're coming from.

  Sanka Coffie : Good.

  Irv : Now dig where I'm coming from. I'm coming from two gold medals. I'm coming from nine world records in both the two- and four-man events. I'm coming from ten years of intense competition with the best athletes in the world.

  Sanka Coffie : That's a hell of a place to be coming from!

• British Official : We must also be concerned about the potential for embarrassment.

  Irv : Oh, pardon me. I didn't realize that four black guys in a bobsled could make you blush.

• Derice Bannock : Hey, Coach.

  Irv : Yeah?

  Derice Bannock : I have to ask you a question.

  Irv : Sure.

  Derice Bannock : But you don't have to answer if you don't want to. I mean, I want you to, but if you can't, I understand.

  Irv : You wanna know why I cheated, right?

  Derice Bannock : Yes, I do.

  Irv : That's a fair question. It's quite simple, really. I had to win. You see, Derice, I'd made winning my whole life. And when you make winning your whole life, you have to keep on winning, no matter what. You understand that?

  Derice Bannock : No, I don't understand. You won two gold medals. You had it all.

  Irv : Derice, a gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if you're not enough without one, you'll never be enough with one.

  Derice Bannock : Hey, coach... how will I know if I'm enough?

  Irv : When you cross that finish line tomorrow, you'll know.

• Irv : You see Sanka, the driver has to work harder than anyone. He's the first to show up, and the last to leave. When his buddies are all out drinking beer, he's up in his room studying pictures of turns. You see, a driver must remain focused one hundred percent at all times. Not only is he responsible for knowing every inch of every course he races, he's also responsible for the lives of the other men in the sled. Now do you want that responsibility?

  Sanka Coffie : I say we make Derice the driver.

  Irv : So do I, Sanka. So do I.

• [about to be pushed off start] 

  Sanka Coffie : Oh, wait. Coach, I gotta go. You know?

  Irv : Hold it.

  Sanka Coffie : Hold it?

  Irv : Hold it.

  Sanka Coffie : Hold it?

  Irv : Yeah, hold it!

  Sanka Coffie : But, Coach, I can't hold it. We're not bobsledding yet.

  Irv : Oh, yes we are.

  [pushes them off] 

  Sanka Coffie : Coach... Coach!

  [the bobsled picks up speed and careens down the track] 

  Sanka Coffie : Coach! COACH! Aaahh! Slow it down! Slow it- slow it down! Oh, my God! Oh, Derice, oh, Derice I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!

• Irv : Our Father, who art in Calgary, Bobsled be thy name. Thy kingdom come, gold medals won, on Earth as it is in Turn Seven. With Liberty and Justice for Jamaica and Haile Selassie. Amen.

• Sanka Coffie : Coach! Coach! I can't get my helmet on!

  [Irv smashes helmet with fist] 

  Sanka Coffie : Thanks coach!

  Irv : That's what I'm here for.

• Irwin Blitzer : Come on, Kurt, what you're doing here is wrong, and you know it! Now if this is about you and me, let's lay it all down now. All right, sixteen years ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life: I cheated. I was stupid. I embarrassed myself, I embarrassed my country, my friends, my family, my teammates,

  [points to Kurt] 

  Irwin Blitzer : and my coach. Hey, if it's revenge you want, take it. Go ahead, disqualify me, banish me! Do whatever you want, but do it to me! It was me who let you down, Kurt! It wasn't my guys! They've done everything you've asked of them! And they did it with all of you laughing in their face. Hey, it doesn't matter tomorrow if they come in first or fiftieth. Those guys have earned the right to walk into that stadium and wave their nation's flag. That's the single greatest honor an athlete can ever have. That's what the Olympics are all about. Sixteen years ago I forgot that. Don't you go and do the same.

• Josef Grul : Hey, Jamaica! Watch out for Number Twelve turn. Scary, ja?

  Derice Bannock : What's his problem?

  Irv : He's Josef Grul. He's one of the best drivers in the world.

  Yul Brenner : Yeah, he's one of the biggest ASSHOLES in the world, too.

• Irwin Blitzer : Gentlemen, a bobsled is a simple thing.

  Man : Yeah, so's a toilet!

• Irv : I told the owner of the bar that these guys were mentally disturbed, so he's not going to press any charges.

  Sanka Coffie : Yeah! Sled god does it again!

  Irv : Just shut up, Sanka.

• Irv : All right, Derice. Let me lay out some difficulties for you. Snow: you don't have any. It's nine hundred degrees out there. Time: you don't have any. The Olympics are in three months. And me: you don't have me. As far as I'm concerned, the sport of bobsledding no longer exists. I don't want to do it, I don't want to coach it, and most of all, and I mean most of all, I don't want to be within two thousand miles of anybody who does. Now did you follow all that?

• Irv : Oh, yeah, just one little drawback to this delightful winter sport. The high-speed crash. Ooh! That hurt. Always remember, your bones will not break in a bobsled. No, no, no. They shatter.

• [the team emerges from the airport into a blizzard] 

  Irv : It's not so much the heat, it's the humidity that'll kill you.

• Roger : Is this whole thing a big joke, or do you really expect these Jamaicans to qualify?

  Irv : Not only are they going to qualify, they're going to turn some heads doing it. Listen, three of these guys can run the hundred in under ten-flat. I don't care who you are, that's lightning.

  Roger : Yeah, but can lightning run on ice?

• Irv : Winning a bobsled race is about one thing: the push-start. Now I know you dainty, little track-stars think you're fast. Well, heh, let's see how fast you are when you push a six-hundred pound sled. Now a respectable start-time is five-point-seven seconds. If you speed demons can't whip off an even six flat, you have a better chance of becoming a barbershop quartet.

• Irv : Hi, I'd like to register for the tryouts.

  Registration Official : What country?

  Irv : Uh...

  [clears throat] 

  Irv : Jamaica.

  Registration Official : [smiles]  What country?

  Irv : *Jamaica*.

  Registration Official : [stops smiling and enters the information]  Huh, what do you know? A Jamaican bobsled team.

• Irv : [looking at an old picture of himself and Derice's father]  Wow, would you look at me then?

  [Turns the frame and sees his reflection in the glass] 

  Irv : Oof, would you look at me now?

• Irv : Now maybe you haven't noticed, but we aren't exactly winning any popularity contests here. They hate me, they hate you, they hate us. Now, if we're even gonna think about qualifying, we're each gonna have to sit down and take a nice, deep look inside. I didn't come all this way to get my butt whipped!

• Irv : do you want me to lay out some diificlties for you derrice. snow you dont got ny its 900s degress outside. time you got any the olimypics are 3 months away. and me you dont got me. im far as im concered the sport of bob sledding no longer excists i dont want to play it i dont want to coach it and most of all n i mean most of all i dont to be within 500 miles of anybody who does did you get all that?

• Derice Bannock : Hey, Coach.

  Irv : Yeah?

  Derice Bannock : I have to ask you a question.

  Irv : Sure.

  Derice Bannock : You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I mean, I want you to, but if you can't, I understand.

  Irv : You want to know why I cheated, right?

  Derice Bannock : Yes I do.

  Irv : That's a fair question. It's quite simple really. I had to win. You see, Derice, I'd made winning my whole life, and when you make winning your whole life, you have to keep on winning, no matter what. You understand that?

  Derice Bannock : No, I don't understand, Coach. You had two gold medals. You had it all.

  Irv : Derice, a gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it.

  Derice Bannock : Hey, Coach, how will I know if I'm enough?

  Irv : When you cross that finish line, you'll know.

• Irv : This is what it's all about, this is whether you win or lose the race, right here in the push start! This is where you're gonna practice, right here, right here in a Volkswagon!

• [repeated line after someone has said something degrading] 

  Irv : [sarcastic]  That's very funny.

• Irv : Go, go, go! Now, now, now, now!

• Derice Bannock : Excuse me. Are you Mr. Irving Blitzer?

  Irv : Well, that depends on who's asking.

• [the team are finishing painting their sled and drinking Cokes in bottles] 

  Derice Bannock : Fellas, here's to followin' your dreams.

  Yul Brenner : [as they clink bottles]  Yes, man. Follow your dreams.

  Irv : I said it to your father and I'll say it again: sprinters make the best bobsledders.

  Derice Bannock : Here's to sprintin'!

  [They clink bottles again] 

• Derice Bannock : Excuse me, are you Irving Blitzer?

  Irv : That depends on who's asking.