Winifred Sanderson: Oh, look. Another glorious morning. Makes me sick!

Billy Butcherson: Go to hell!

Winifred Sanderson: Oh! I've been there, thank you. I found it quite lovely.

Sarah: [singing in the sky] Come little children, I'll take thee away / Into a land of enchantment / Come little children, the times come to play / Here in my garden of magic.

Emily: Thackery Binx, what took thee so long?

Thackery Binx: I'm sorry, Emily. I had to wait three hundred years for a virgin to light a candle.

Winifred Sanderson: Twist the bones and bend the back

SarahMary Sanderson: Itch-it-a-cop-it-a-Mel-a-ka-mys-ti-ca

Winifred Sanderson: Trim him of his baby fat

SarahMary Sanderson: Itch-it-a-cop-it-a-Mel-a-ka-mys-ti-ca

Winifred Sanderson: Give him fur black as black, just

Mary Sanderson: Like

Sarah: This!

Winifred Sanderson: Unfaithful lover long since dead. Deep asleep in thy wormy bed. Wiggle thy toes, open thine eyes, twist thy fingers toward the sky. Life is sweet, be not shy. On thy feet. So sayeth I!

Winifred Sanderson: You know, I've always wanted a child. And now I think I'll have one on toast!

Winifred Sanderson: Well, tell me friend, what is this contraption?

Bus Driver: I call it a bus.

Winifred Sanderson: A bus. And its purpose?

Bus Driver: To convey gorgeous creatures such as yourselves to your most...

[cracks his knuckle]

Bus Driver: Forbidden desires.

Winifred Sanderson: [laughs] Well, fancy! We desire children.

Bus Driver: Hey, it may take me a couple of tries, but I don't think there's gonna be a problem.

Winifred Sanderson: [Exiting the clay oven where they were lured by a learn-to-speak French tape] Hello, I want my book. Bonjour, je veux mon livre.

Sarah: What is this place?

Mary Sanderson: It reeks of children!

Winifred Sanderson: It is a prison for children.

Master's Wife: Okay that's it, party's over! Get out of my house!

Master: Now, pudding face.

Master's Wife: Shove it, Satan!

Sarah: Ooh. Thou mustn't speak to Master in such a manner.

Master: They call me Master.

Master's Wife: Wait 'til you see what I'm gonna call you. Now, tart-face, take your Clark bars and get out of my house!

Winifred Sanderson: Make us!

[the witches gather around her]

Master: Honeybunch.

Master's Wife: Ralph, sic 'em!

[the witches runs out of the house in fear]

Winifred Sanderson: Sisters, All Hallow's Eve has become a night of frolic, where children wear costumes and run amok!

Sarah: Amok!

[dances around]

Sarah: Amok, amok, amok, amok, amok.

[Winifred punches Sarah in the stomach]

Sarah: Ugh!

Winifred Sanderson: Damn, damn, damn, double damn!

Allison: I like your costume, Dani.

Dani: Thank you! I really like yours too. Of course, I couldn't wear anything like that because I don't have any. What do you call them, Max? Yabbos?

[Max embarrassed nearly spits out the cider he's drinking]

Dani: Max likes your yabbos. In fact, he loves them!

Max: What happened?

Dani: [disgusted, readjusting her witch's hat] A virgin lit the candle.

Max: [looking at the salt can] Well, what does it say?

Allison: Well, it says to form a circle a salt to protect from zombies, witches, and old boyfriends.

Max: And what about new boyfriends?

Winifred Sanderson: Therefore, it stands to reason, does it not, sisters dear? That we must find the book, brew the potion and suck the lives out of the children of Salem before sunrise. Otherwise it's curtains. We evaporate! We cease to exist! Dost thou comprehend?

Mary Sanderson: You explained it beautifully, Winnie. They way in which you started out with the adventure part and slowly.

Sarah: Explained what?

Winifred Sanderson: Come, we fly!

Dani: You're my kitty now. You'll have milk and tuna fish every day. And you'll only hunt mice for fun.

Voice of Thackery Binx: You're going to turn me into one of those fat, useless, contented house cats.

Dani: [Giggles] You betcha.

Sarah: I am alive!

Winifred Sanderson: Damn that boy, he's tricked us again.

Mary Sanderson: Oh, you're right, you're always right.

Winifred Sanderson: [Interjects] It's my curse, that and you two! Get off me you thundering oafs!

[Sarah is pushed onto the "black river", but lands straight up]

Sarah: 'Tis firm! 'Tis firm as stone!

Winifred Sanderson: Why, it's a road!

Billy Butcherson: [to Winifred, after finally freeing his mouth] Wench! Trollop! You buck toothed, mop riding firefly from hell!

[Winifred yells offensively]

Billy Butcherson: [happily to Max] I've waited centuries to say that.

Max: [disgusted] Say what you want; just don't breathe on me!

Winifred Sanderson: Billy! I killed you once, I shall kill you again, you maggoty malfeasence! Hang on to your heads!

Bus Driver: [Encountering the Sanderson Sisters] Bubble, bubble! I'm in trouble!

Master's Wife: Aren't you broads a little old to be trick or treating?

Winifred Sanderson: We'll be younger in the morning.

Master's Wife: Yeah, sure, me too.

Max: [Allison and Dani try attacking Billy] No, no! He's a good zombie.

Dani: Hi Billy!

Winifred Sanderson: Why? Why was I cursed with such idiot sisters?

Sarah: Just lucky, I guess.

Winifred Sanderson: Don't get your knickers in a twist! We're just three kindly old spinster ladies.

Mary Sanderson: Spending a quiet evening at home.

Sarah: Sucking the lives out of little children!

[Winifred chokes Sarah]

Little Angel: [to the Sanderson sisters] Bless you!

[the sisters scream]

Max: You've messed with the great and powerful Max! Now you must suffer the consequences! I'm going to summon the burning rain of death!

Winifred SandersonSarahMary Sanderson: [murmuring together] The burning rain of death?

Max: [lights lighter]

Winifred Sanderson: Look, he makes fire in his hand.

Max: [raises lighter to sprinkler, and the spreads out his arms wide]

Winifred Sanderson: It's the burning rain of death! Come, you fools!

[pulls them off to the side]

Winifred Sanderson: [flying by Max, Dani, and Allison] Pull over! Let me see your driver's permit!

Bus Driver: Mmm, mmm, mmm! I need one of those instant ice packs. You girls are giving me a fever!

Emily: Thackery Binx? Where are you, Thackery Binx?

Winifred Sanderson: [as she chases Max, Allison, and Dani by truck] Resisting arrest?

Winifred Sanderson: Oh, cheese and crust! He's lost his head! Damn that Thackery Binx!

Mary Sanderson: It's the chocolate covered finger of a man named Clark!

Winifred Sanderson: My ungodly book speaks to you. On All Hallow's Eve, when the moon is round, a virgin will summon us from under the ground. Oh oh! We shall be back, and the lives of all the children of Salem will be mine!

[All three witches cackle]

Jay: Oh man, how come it's always the ugly chicks that stay out late?

Winifred Sanderson: [Winnie, Sarah and Mary stop, turn and glare at the boys] Chicks?

Winifred Sanderson: [sings while flying] Book! Come to Mommy!

Voice of Thackery Binx: [Jumps on the book to prevent it from floating up to Winifred, with a screech] Afraid not!

Winifred Sanderson: Thackery Binx, thou mangy feline. Still alive?

Voice of Thackery Binx: And waiting for you!

Winifred Sanderson: Oh! Thou hast waited in vain. And thou will fail to save thy friends, just as thou failed to save thy sister!

[Screams and swoops down toward Binx]

Dani: Besides, it's a full moon outside. The weirdos are out!

Dani: You saved my life.

Max: I had to. I'm your big brother.

Dani: I love you, jerkface.

Max: I love you, too.

Max: Let's light this sucker and meet the old broads.

Dani: [to Winifred] It doesn't matter how young or old you are, you sold your soul! You're the ugliest thing that ever lived, and you know it!

Fireman #1: [after the 'burning rain of death' is shut off] Teenagers again.

Fireman #2: I hate Halloween!

[the spell is broken as the party guests come out all beat and sweaty]

Jenny: [singing and laughing] I put a spell on you.

Dave: And I thought L.A. was a party town.

Max: [Over P.A] Welcome to High School Hell. I'm your host, Boris Karloff, Jr. Ha ha ha ha ha!

Voice of Thackery Binx: [after being run over by a city bus] I hate it when that happens.

Jenny: Hey, Max, how was school?

Max: It sucked!

Dave: Hey, watch your language.

[Max goes upstairs and slams his bedroom door]

Max: I can't believe you made me move here!

Jenny: Hmm, he wasn't wearing any shoes.

Dave: Must be some form of protest.

Master: Mary, go long.

[Master throws a candy bar to her]

Master: You could be a tight end.

Max: [suddenly startled by Dave in a vampire costume] Oh! Dad.

Dave: It's not Dad. It's Dadcula.

[see's Allison]

Dave: Oh, my goodness. Who must this charming young blood donor be?

[kisses Allison's hand]

Max: Dad! Something terrible happened.

Dave: [suddenly concerned] Dani? What's wrong? Wh

Max: No, Dani's fine.

Dave: [sighs] Good.

[to Allison]

Dave: Excuse me. Come here.

[he leads Max away]

Dani: [looks for Jenny, and finds her] Mom?

[Jenny turns around in a Madonna costume]

Dani: Mom?

Jenny: Hmm?

Dani: What are you supposed to be?

Jenny: Madonna. Well, you know. Well, obviously. Don't ya think?

Dave: Shoot, Max. Look, whatever it is, just tell me.

Dani: [to Jenny] Come here.

Jenny: What?

Dani: This cat here, Binx, right? He can talk. My brother's a virgin: he lit the black flame candle. The witches are back from the dead and they're after us. We need help.

Jenny: How much candy have you had, honey?

Dani: Mom, I haven't O.D.'d. I haven't even had a piece. They're real witches, they can fly, and they're gonna eat all the kids in Salem. They're real!

Jenny: All right, let's just find your father.

Winifred Sanderson: Sisters! Behold!

Sarah: I am beautiful! Boys will love me!

Mary Sanderson: We're young!

[laughs and claps excitedly]

Winifred Sanderson: Well younger. But! It's a start!

Mary Sanderson: [the sisters dance laughing] Oh my, Winifred, you are the mere sprig of a girl!

Sarah: Farewell, mortal bus boy!

Dani: You know, Binx, I'll always take care of you, and my children will take care of you too, and their children after that, and their children after that. Forever and ever.

Mary Sanderson: Sisters, Satan has married Medusa. See the snakes in her hair.

Jay: So, where're you from?

Max: Los Angeles.

[Jay and Ice look at him with confused looks]

Max: L.A.

Jay: [Finally getting it] Oh, dude!

Ernie "Ice": Tubular.

Ernie "Ice": [Jay and Ice are locked in cages] Hollywood, help us out here!

[Max takes his shoes back from Ice]

Max: Tubular.

[Ice whimpers]

[first lines]

[a witch passes by the window of Thackery Binx and Emily's bedroom; Thackery wakes up then a few seconds later, he lays back and sees that Emily is gone]

Thackery Binx: Emily? Emily!

[he leaves the house to search for Emily]

Thackery Binx: Emily!

[he runs up to Elijah]

Thackery Binx: Elijah! Elijah! Hast thou seen my sister Emily?

Elijah: Nay. But, look.

[he points to purple smoke in the sky]

Elijah: They conjure.

Thackery Binx: Oh, god. The woods!

[he and Elijah run towards the field and see Sarah leading Emily into the woods]

Thackery Binx: Emily!

Elijah: She's done for!

Thackery Binx: Not yet! You wake my father, summon the others! Go!

[Elijah races off while Thackery heads for the woods]

Allison: Officer, this is not a prank!

Dani: Really!

Cop: Hey! I put my life on the line to protect this community, and you punks pull this? Get out of here.

Allison: [runs off in fear with Max, Dani, and Binx] Come on, Dani.

Cop: And take that cat with you.

[the cop laughs]

Cop's Girlfriend: [comes out wearing a Halloween costume] What's so funny, Eddie?

Cop: Ah, just a bunch of kids pulling my chain. They thought I was a real cop.

[his girlfriend laughs]

Thackery Binx: Take good care of Dani, Max, you'll never know how precious she is until you lose her.

Dani: [as they plan to go to the Snaderson house] Max, I'm not going up there. My friends at school told me all about that place. It's weird!

Max: Dani, this is the girl of my dreams.

Dani: So take her to the movies like a normal person.

Max: Dani! Look just do this one thing for me, and I'll do anything you say. Please? Please? Please?

Dani: Okay, okay. Next year, we go trick-or-treating as Wendy and Peter Pan...

[looks him straight in the eye]

Dani: ... with tights or it's no deal.

Max: [as Dani attempts to leave] Okay, okay, deal, deal.

Sarah: Dead man's toe! Dead man's toe! Dead! Dead! Dead!

Max: [after Max drinks the vial] Now you have no choice! You'll have to take me!

[Winifred soars down to Max]

Winifred Sanderson: What a fool to give us thy life for thy sister's.

Jay: So let's have a butt.

Max: No thanks, I don't smoke.

Ernie "Ice": They're very health conscious in Los Angeles.

[Jay and Ice laugh]

Jay: You got any cash Hollywood?

Max: No.

Ernie "Ice": Gee, we don't get any smokes from you. We don't get any cash. What am I supposed to do with my afternoon?

Max: Maybe you could learn to breathe through your nose.

[Jay laughs. But, stops as Ice offensively glares at him]

Jay: Whoa. Check out the new cross-trainers.

Ernie "Ice": [looks at Max's sneakers] Cool.

[turns to Max]

Ernie "Ice": Let me try them on.

[Max tries to leave, Jay stops him and smiles]

Jay: Later, dude!

Ernie "Ice": See you, Hollywood!

[Jay and Ernie laughing]

Dani: Officer! Officer!

Allison: Officer, we need your help.

Cop: What's the problem?

Dani: [to Max] Tell him.

Allison: Go ahead.

Max: [nervously] Well, um well, you see I just moved here. Well, you see? It's like this: I I um broke into the old Sanderson house and I brought the witches back from the dead. See, I even have the book.

Cop: [disapprovingly] You lit the Black Flamed Candle?

Max: Yeah.

Cop: Come on. Okay, let's get on the sidewalk.

Dani: And he's a virgin.

[the cop stares at them]

Cop: [to Max] Come here.

[Max comes closer to him]

Cop: [whispers] Are you a virgin?

Max: Yeah.

Cop: Really?

Max: Look, I'll get it tattooed on my forehead, okay?

Thackery's Father: Winifred Sanderson?

Winifred Sanderson: Yes?

Thackery's Father: I will ask thee one final time.

Winifred Sanderson: Yes?

Thackery's Father: What hast thou done with my son, Thackery?

Winifred Sanderson: Thackery? Hmm.

Thackery's Father: Answer me!

Winifred Sanderson: Well, I don't know. Cat's got my tongue.

[Winifred, Mary, and Sarah laugh at her own joke as Binx angrily meows, thunder clash]

[repeated line, usually when Max is about to do something bold but dumb]

Dani: [gasping] Max, no!

Jay: [with a tree filled full of numerous rolls of toilet paper in the background] You want to smash some pumpkins?

Ernie "Ice": No.

Jay: Well then, do you want to look in windows and watch babes undress?

Ernie "Ice": It's 3am. They're undressed already.

Jay: [throws another roll of toilet paper] Well then, you think of something!

Ernie "Ice": [grumpy eating candy] Look, I don't feel so hot.

Jay: It's because you're eating too much candy, you oinker!

[hits Ice causing him to drop a piece of candy he was eating]

Dani: Where's Binx? Binx? Binx? Binx!

Allison: He's gone. He's gone, Dani.

Dani: But he can't die, remember? Wake up, Binx. Binx, wake up. Like last time.

[she begins crying over his feline body]

Thackery Binx: [In human spirit form] Dani, come on. Please don't be sad for me.

Dani: Binx, is that you?

Thackery Binx: Yeah.


Thackery Binx: The witches are dead, my soul's finally free.

[Puts his hand out, as she lays her hand in his]

Thackery Binx: You freed me, Dani, thank you.

[turns to Max]

Thackery Binx: Hey, Max? Thanks for lighting the candle.

Emily: Thackery! Thackery Binx!

Thackery Binx: It's Emily!

[to Dani]

Thackery Binx: I shall always be with you.

Emily: Thackery Binx, what took thee so long?

Thackery Binx: I'm sorry, Emily, but I had to 300 years for a virgin to light a candle.

Master: They called me master.

Master's Wife: Oh, really? Well. wait until you see what I'm gonna call you!

Miss Olin: Poor Thackery Binx. Neither his Father nor his Mother nor the entire town ever knew what became of him those 300 years ago. And so, the Sanderson Sisters were hanged by the Salem town folk. Now, there are those who say that on Halloween Night, a black cat still guards the old Sanderson House, warding off any who might make the Witches come back to life.

Max: Give me a break.

Miss Olin: Ah ha. We seem to have a skeptic in our midst. Mr. Dennison, would you care to share your California, laid-back, tye-dye point of view?

Max: Okay. Granted that, uh, you folks here Salem are into all these, uh, black cats and witches and stuff...

Miss Olin: Stuff?

Max: Fine, but everyone here knows that Halloween was invented by the candy companies. It's a conspiracy.

Allison: It just so happens that Halloween is based on the ancient feast called All Hallow's Eve. It's the one night of the year where the spirits of the dead can return to Earth.

Max: In case Jimi Hendrix shows up tonight, here's my number.

Boy in Class: Max, fat chance.

Thackery Binx: [to the Sanderson sisters] You hags! There are not enough children in the world to make thee young and beautiful!

Thackery Binx: I want to show you something. Give you an idea of what we're dealing with.

Max: William Butcherson? Lost Soul?

Thackery Binx: Billy Butcherson was Winifred's lover, but she caught him sporting with her sister, Sarah. So she poisened him and sewed his mouth shut with a dull needle, so he couldn't tell his secrets, even in death. Winifred was always the jealous type.

Allison: You're Thackery Binx.

Thackery Binx: Yes.

Allison: Ha. So the legends are true.

Thackery Binx: Come along. Want to show you something else.

Dani: [Winifred swooping down to take Dani] Max!

Ernie "Ice": Ding-ding. Ding-ding.

Jay: Stop and pay the toll, kid.

Ernie "Ice": Ten chocolate bars, no licorice.

Jay: Dump out your dump sack.

Dani: Drop dead, moron.

Ernie "Ice": Yo, twerp. How'd you like to be hung off that telephone pole?

Dani: I'd just like to see you try it. Cause it just so happens I've got my big brother with me. Max!

[Jay and Ernie are not impressed by this. Max walks up and takes off the sunglasses]

Ernie "Ice": Hollywood!

Jay: Oh, no!

[Some of his friends laughing]

Jay: So, you're doing a little trick-or-treating? Ding-dong!

Ernie "Ice": WHOO!

Max: I'm taking my little sister around.

Jay: That's nice.

[sees that he wears a costume]

Jay: WHOA! I love the costume! What do you suppose to be? A new kid on the block?

Dani: For your information: He's a little leaguer!

Jay: Whoa, I'm a little leaguer!

[He and Ice fake a baseball play. Dani tries to walk by again]

Ernie "Ice": Wait a minute, everyone pays the toll.

Dani: Stuff it, zit-face!

Ernie "Ice": Why, you little...

[He move to hit Dani but Max steps in the way]

Max: Hey.

[shoves a bag of candy at him]

Max: Ice, here. Pig out.

[turns to Dani]

Max: Come on, Dani. Let's go.

[Max and Dani leaves]

Ernie "Ice": And Hollywood? The shoes fit great!

[Ice, Jay and his some other friends laughing]

Thackery: [to the Sanderson sisters] You hags! There are not enough children in the world to make thee young and beautiful!

Winifred: Hello sailors! My name's Winifred, what's yours?

Thackery Binx: Nice going, Max!

Max: You can talk!

Thackery Binx: Yeah, no kidding!