Little Chuck: Daddy, that dead man tried to eat me.
Dr. Bronson: Okay, well, you're dead. Which is unusual, because we don't normally see this much activity in a dead person.
Mr. Dingle: Goodbye, son. Be nice to God.
Johnny: You may not know this, Missy, but I ate Chuck for YOU!
Missy's Friend: God, my boyfriend won't even pump gas for me.
Mrs. Dingle: Dr. Bronson, the reason I called is that our son Johnny... died the other day, and I was wondering if you could take a look at him... Would you like to talk to him? Sure. Johnny?
Johnny's School Teacher: This is the most pathetic sexual fantasy I've ever seen.
Eddie: Alright, newsflash, this just in, Johnny: Missy is going to the prom with Buck. You got it?
Johnny: Look. You pretend to kill her, I save her life, she thinks I'm a hero, ditches Buck and goes to the prom with me. How sweet is that?
Eddie: This is desperate and this is sick. I think you should get some therapy. I do!
[after his ear falls off]
Johnny: I heard someone my age is supposed to be comfortable with the way their body changes, but given the circumstances, this was too much.
Dr. Bronson: I'm afraid I have some bad news. Your boy is very sick. He's lost a massive amount of blood, and his pulse and retinal response are poor, and as you can see there's an axe sticking out of his head.
Big Chuck: He's not sick, you idiot, he's dead!
Dr. Bronson: Oh, everybody's a doctor. You think maybe I could make the diagnosis?
Johnny: Sorry I'm late, Mrs. Cooper. You wouldn't BELIEVE the trouble I had getting here!
Johnny's School Teacher: I would believe it. And I'm not impressed. You get one demerit.
Johnny's School Teacher: Just because you're dead does not mean that you can come waltzing in here whenever you like.
Mr. Dingle: You know son... your mother and I, and the ambulance driver, and the coroner, and the embalmer, were all pretty much convinced that you were dead.
Johnny: I got better.
Mr. Dingle: Huh. Well, welcome home, son.
Mrs. Dingle: Are you hungry, do you want something to eat? Gee, there's a lot of food left over from the funeral.
Missy: Johnny, hi! Uh, listen, I think it's really great that you're back from the dead and all, but I've got gym.
Johnny: Look, I almost took a bite out of my friend Eddie, and it was SUCH the wrong thing to do. He's very mad.
Johnny: I died for you! I came back from the dead for you! I love you!
Big Chuck: Is there anyone in my family you DON'T plan to eat?
Big Chuck: GOOD girls don't hang around with dead boys!
Johnny: Just because I crawled out of a grave doesn't make me a frickin' zombie.
Sheriff McCloud: Honey, let the zombie go and I'll buy you a pretty dress.