Leland Gaunt: The young carpenter from Nazareth? I know him well. Promising young man. He died badly.
Leland: Kill them all. Let God sort them out.
Leland Gaunt: Oh. You know, there are days I really hate this job. This is not my best work, not by a long shot. Oh, sure, a few murders and a couple of rather lovely explosions. I would hardly call it a rousing success, but what the hell? I'll be back. In the meantime, you and Polly, you are two terrific kids, and you'll marry her. Trust me. She's a lovely girl, Alan. You'll have a wonderful family. Oh, by the way, give my regards to your grandson. Bob will be his name, International Trade his game. I'll see him in Jakarta, 2053. August 14th. 10a.m. A nice, sunny day. We'll make headlines.
Leland Gaunt: Don't be afraid of it, Hugh. Guns don't kill people. People kill people.
Leland Gaunt: Oh yes, we're having fun now.
[Alan is trying to break up an argument between Deputy Norris and Danforth]
Alan: You know, guys, I moved here and I thought, Great! I'm outta the big city and I'm finally in a place where everybody isn't gonna be crawling up everybody's asshole every day! A place where maybe my biggest nightmare is gonna be getting some goddamn cat out of a tree! But forget that! EVERYBODY IS INSANE, EVERYWHERE!
Gaunt: Don't blame me, blame it on the bossa nova.
Leland Gaunt: If it's too hot in here, Mr. Jewett, just say the word. I'm afraid I have a tendency to turn up the heat.
Leland Gaunt: When I started out I was just a peddler moving across the blind face of a distant land. Moving, always moving. Always gone... and in the end I'd always offer weapons. And they'd always take them. Of course I was gone before they realized what they'd purchased.
Father Meehan: When I was younger, people got along better.
Father Meehan: You tell Rose that if he tries to bump us, he'll find out just how hard we mackeral snappers can bump back!
Leland: I've always enjoyed ladies who take great pride in themselves.
Brian Rusk: Mickey Mantle SUCKS!
Alan: Do you believe in the Devil, Father?
Father Meehan: I guess I have to. You can't have one without the other. Do you believe in God, Alan?
Alan: What's he look like?
Father Meehan: Look like?
Alan: Yeah. The Devil. What the hell does he look like?
Father Meehan: Well, he looks like you and me, I imagine.
Alan: So he could get his claws in us without our ever knowing, make us do things that we normally would never do. Terrible things.
Danforth: Everybody that's got it coming is gonna get it now!