The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (1994)

Guy Pearce: Adam, Felicia

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Felicia : [singing]  A desert holiday, let's pack the drag away. You take the lunch and tea, I'll take the ecstasy. Fuck off you silly queer, I'm getting out of here. A desert holiday, hip hip hip hip hooray!

• Felicia : Do you know why this microphone has such a long cord?

  Man In Crowd : Why?

  Felicia : So it's easily retrieved after I've shoved it up your ass.

• Benji : [about his Dad]  Does he have a boyfriend at the moment?

  Felicia : No, no he doesn't.

  Benji : Neither does Mum. She used to have a girlfriend, but she got over her.

  Benji : [Benji pauses, then turns and looks at Felicia]  You want to come play in my room? I've got Lego.

• Felicia : [to Tick, when the Spencer's see all three and then take off]  Oh, for goodness sakes, look at yourself, Mitz. How many times do I have to tell you? Green is not your color!

  [laughs hysterically] 

• Felicia : Oh, for goodness sakes, get down off that crucifix. Someone needs the wood.

• Felicia : [to the video shop worker]  Umm... , do you have "The Texas Chainsaw Mascara"?

• Bernadette : We've only recently discovered that young Anthony here, bats for both teams.

  Mitzi : I do not!

  Felicia : Oh, so we're straight?

  Mitzi : No.

  Felicia : Oh, we're not. So we're a donut puncher, after all?

  Mitzi : No.

  Felicia : Then what the hell are we?

  Mitzi : I don't fuckin' know.

• Felicia : [in sweet voice]  Mummy, maybe a trip to the outback will help me get over this little... phase I'm going through. And you never know, I might meet some lovely country girl.

  [in tough voice] 

  Felicia : I hereby christen this budget Barbie camper... Priscilla. Queen of the Desert!

  [smashes champagne bottle against bus] 

  Bernadette : That's gotta be the understatement of the century.

• Felicia : [to Tick]  Do you think I'm going to let you walk away with all the attention? No chance, come on girls. Let's go shopping.

• Felicia : Oh, you can't do that with a ping-pong ball!

  Bernadette : Do you wanna bet?

• Felicia : I mean who is the fish that runs this bloody hotel in the middle of nowhere, anyway? Your mother?

  Tick : No, my wife.

  Felicia : Ooh, don't tell me you've got an ex-boyfriend tucked away out here somewhere.

  Tick : No, my wife! I'm married.

  [the bus brakes screech and glass shatters] 

  Tick : Oh, fuck!

• [to Tick and Bernadette, as he is cooking sausages] 

  Felicia : How do you like your little boys, girls?

• Felicia : [to Tick and Bernadette]  I met these Swedish tourists called... Lars, Lars and Lars.

• Felicia : There goes the transsexual, last seen heading south. We called her Bernie, but her real name was...

  Tick : Adam?

• Bernadette : Tony, Adam. This is Mr. and Mrs. Spencer.

  Tick : Hello.

  Felicia : Hello.

  [the car drives off leaving them stranded] 

  Felicia : No, wait. Stop! Shit!.

• Felicia : [to Tick and Bernadette]  The only life I saw for the last million miles were the hypnotized bunnies. Most of them are now wedged in the tires.

• Bob : If you don't mind me asking, what kind of cabaret act do you do?

  Felicia : We dress up in women's clothes and parade around mouthing the words to other people's songs.

• Mitzi : [as Felicia starts painting over the graffiti on their bus, which is stranded in the middle of nowhere]  Purple?

  Felicia : It's not *purple*, it's *lavender*. Whaddaya think?

  Mitzi : It's nice... in a hideous sort of a way.

  Mitzi : [to Bernadette, who has started walking off]  Where are *you* going?

  Bernadette : If you think I'm going to sit around watching Picasso take on the public transit system, you've got another thing coming. I'll be back with the cavalry in a couple of hours.

• Felicia : [to Tick and Bernadette]  So anyway, back to me.

• Felicia : [to Tick]  Mowing those lawns must have been murder on your heels, though.

• [after their bus breaks down in the middle of the outback] 

  Tick : What's happening?

  Felicia : Um, I don't know.

  Bernadette : Oh, my God! Oh, Felicia. Where the Fuckawei?

• Felicia : [after showing him the bus he had bought for their trip]  Ta-da! What do you think?

  Tick : When do we have to return it to the school?

• Felicia : This old man he played two. He played knick-knack with my poo!

• Felicia : [to Tick]  This is getting too weird. You, and a *woman*? What did she used do for kicks? Put a bucket on your head and swing off the handle?

• Tick : Well, listen to this one. After we did the ABBA show, Kevin had one of those liposuction penis enlargements.

  Felicia : He didn't?

  Tick : Yep. Do you know what they do? They siphon all the fat out of your love handles, and actually inject it into your wing-wang.

  Felicia : Ugh! Yucky! I suppose it gives a whole new meaning to "cracking a fat", though, doesn't it?

  [laughs] 

• Felicia : Well, girls, what can I say? Here's to a secret very well kept.

  Bernadette : Shame it's not gonna stay that way, isn't it?

• Felicia : Who taught you to waltz?

  Tick : My wife.

  Felicia : Oh, how sweet.

• Felicia : How long have we been on the road?

  Bernadette : Four and a half hours.

• Felicia : [to Bernadette]  Come on, Bernice. It's so funny you'll laugh so hard your lashes will curl all by themselves.

• Felicia : [to Tick, about Bernadette]  Hey, can you confirm a rumor for me? Is it true that her real name is Ralph?

• Felicia : [to Tick]  Congratulations, Missy, my darling, you did it. One lap of the Broken Hill main drag, in drag. That'll teach you to take on the Fairmont Boys School snap champion!

• Felicia : [to Bernadette]  You fucking idiot! Oh!

  [groans] 

  Felicia : Oh, fuck! Oh! Fuckin'... Oh! Fuck! Get off me, you fuckin'... Oh! Fuck!

• Felicia : [to Frank and the boys]  Who wants to see my map of Tasmania?

• Felicia : [after Tick passes out]  Come on, snap out of it. You'll be fine. Come on, love.

  Tick : [coming to]  Oh...

  Bob : That's it, mate. You scared us all for a minute.

  Felicia : Just had to have that extra bit of attention, didn't you? Nice one, lovey. Nice one.

• [First Lines] 

  [Tick is hit in back of head with beer can, falls] 

  Felicia : Are you Okay?...

  [Felicia grabs mic] 

  Felicia : Oh that was fucking charming, you gutless pack of dickheads.

• Felicia : [to Tick]  You haven't got any kids stashed away out there as well have you?

• Felicia : [to Tick and Bernadette]  So... All dolled up and nowhere to go.

• Felicia : [to Bernadette]  Sorry... Ralph.

• Felicia : [to Tick]  Oh! Oh, Mitzi! It's gabardine! I haven't seen gabardine for years!

• Felicia : Oh, you can't do that with a ping pong ball!

• Felicia : See ya, Ralph!