Captain Dave Anderson: [over radio] Car 54, where the fuck are you?

Don Motti: Why is it all you thugs talk like you went to finishing school with Robert De Niro?

Officer Gunther Toody: Tell Don Marty, Detroit Dan is here.

Officer Gunther Toody: My dog moans every time Mets are losing the game...

Officer Francis Muldoon: What is he doing when they win?

Officer Gunther Toody: I don't know - I have him only 2 years...

Officer Gunther Toody: Luthers, this is my new partner Francis Muldoon, the pride of the 53rd.

Luther #1: Hello, Muldoon. We're Luther. How are you doing. What are you packing?

Officer Francis Muldoon: I'm packing a 9mm Beretta in my shoulder holster and a Walther PPK in my back pocket.

Luther #1: You know what you need? A nice little crotch derringer. All it does is...

[Luther 1 pulls it out, and Muldoon goes for his gun]

Officer Gunther Toody: No, no, no! It's all right!

Luther #1: [to Muldoon] Keep it in your pants. What? Little more sneaky? Look at this. All you gotta do is, now listen carefully. Write this down, rent the movie Taxi Driver. It'll show you how to take part of a drawer to make this pop right up. You just go like this. "Suck on this!" He would be dead. He would just double over and die. He would be dead. There would be a hole right through him. You'd kill your perp right away. Take a look at this. Nice little gun. You want something bigger?

[Luther 2 pulls out a large Colt .45 revolver]

Luther #1: Want a bigger gun? There you go. For most people it would make their day. With that jacket it would make your whole week. And if you ever got sick of police work, watch. You can put it in your mouth and pull the trigger with your thumb. Check it out. Even bigger? OK, okay, bigger! You want bigger? We got bigger!

[Luther 2 pulls out a military issued M-60 light machine gun]

Luther #1: Here it is! The M-60! You can do forestry with this Rambo baby!

[Toody and Muldoon walk off]

Luther #1: Wait, wait, wait a minute! He's your partner? We got the perfect little things for your partner! The perfect thing. We're partners, you know.

[Luther 2 pulls out a pair of flintlock pistols]

Luther #1: Watch this! It's great!

[two gunshots are heard]