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  • I rented this movie as part of a local video stores "five films for five nights" deal and I needed a fifth film to get the deal. It took me five nights to watch it because I could literally only stand fifteen minutes of it at a time. I tortured myself on the last night and endured eighteen minutes of it. I truly admire anyone who was able to sit through this in a theater without leaving.
  • My mission as of late has been to watch every single film on the list of 100 worst movies ever made. Right now I have scratched off around 20, with this steaming pile of rotting filth being one of them. Make no mistake, Car 54 is one of the single worst movies to come out of Hollywood, or as I like to call it, Evil Town (creative name, no?). I violently protest any of the other posters who claimed that some parts of this movie were either "average" or (shudder) "funnny." Nothing in this movie works, from start to finish, and to save the sanity of others I will try and express who bad things get. The opening scene features a truly horrible song and dance number which is badly filmed with a soft glow technique and features a cartoon canary that at one point dresses up like a rapper (oh yeah, no racial stereotypes here, no sir). Then we discover that this was the dream of our main character, a goofy cop played by the single most irritating man on the planet. Seriously, his voice and silly putty face made me want to shoot someone when he started talking. We then get the opening credits as a crappy rap song is played, one where a single verse is repeated 3 TIMES. God, was that excruciating, considering that during this song I got supposedly "wacky" footage of the cops acting silly. The rest of the movie is populated with characters NO ONE could love, a barely existing plot that has no chance of being stretched over 90 minutes, and who knows what else. Honestly I couldn't stomach much of this trash, since most of the humor is either obvious or downright nasty. Obvious example: the policemen keep going to donut stores when they're supposed to be working. OH, HAR HAR HAR. Is that supposed to be funny in 1994, much less 2003? Plus the fact that the entire thing is horribly outdated by its fashion, soundtrack, and slang. This was back when rappers wearing giant clock necklaces was considered "hip," so you can imagine the amount of bad fashion choices spattered throughout this film. Rosie O' Donnel makes her film debut here, and she crashes and burns I'm happy to say. Nasty example: the main character actually has sex with Rosie O' Donnel while screaming, "Oooh! OOOOH! OOOOOOOH!" You can't know it by reading that, but he says it in a "comical" way. Trust me, it's just plain nauseating. AVOID CAR 54, WHERE ARE YOU IF YOU VALUE THE PURITY OF YOUR SOUL. 0/4 stars
  • I've sat through some dreadful films in my time, but this one may well be the all-time winner. I watched the whole thing with my mouth hanging open in stunned disbelief that it could be as bad as it was.

    I was extremely interested in seeing the film around the time it came out. This was back when Nick@Nite was showing reruns of the old Car 54 TV show, and I was one of the many who was first exposed to it there and fell in love with it. My understanding was that it was this renaissance of cult interest in the show that motivated the making of a movie. So I was looking forward to seeing said movie.

    The thing about this movie was, it seemed extremely evident that NOBODY associated with the making of this movie HAD EVER actually *seen* the original TV show upon which it is (supposedly) based. That the main characters are named Toody and Mulldoon seems almost a coincidence; they aren't even *remotely* like the original characters, except in so far as being cops. The original Car 54 TV show had a delightful, wacky sense of humor. This abomination of a film has NO sense of humor. I didn't not laugh once, not one single time. The original TV show had an amusing, catchy theme song. This thing had some monstrosity of a rap. What I will never, ever fathom is how *anybody* ever signed off on this thing at any stage in its development. I want to know who looked at the script for this and say "Yeah! That's great!" and what drugs they were on.

    I remain in everlasting awe that they were able to propose, write, film, edit, and release a Car 54 film that had absolutely NOTHING to do with the great old TV show, Car 54, Where Are You. When you factor in the disappointment factor over what it could have been, I think this could well be the worst ever. There was just *no good reason* for it to have been this bad.
  • I bought Car 54 on a midnight boredom run to K-mart. It was four dollars, so I bought it. In retrospect, four dollars is far too high a price to pay for this.. this... crap (for lack of a better term suitable for small children.) I'd never seen it before, and John C. McGinley was in it, so I said 'what the hey.' It took me FOUR sittings to watch this movie! And I think I figured out the problem... it's not like Plan 9 From Outer Space where it's so bad it's funny.. this movie's just plain bad. if there's one funny line in the movie it's a lot. And I swear.. David Johansen's voice is possibly the most annoying thing on the face of the earth. Well, I guess this movie is halfway decent in its crappyness in the sense that when you're done watching it you feel really good about yourself because you had the selfrestraint to not knock over your TV or stick your head in the microwave.

    i hope at least part of what I said made sense. and if you take only one thing away from this review take this: only watch this movie if you want to see how NOT to make a movie.
  • bainslie15 February 2002
    Everyone grows up with some cherished memories. One of mine was the T.V. series "Car 54, Where Are You?". It had a simple charm and the main characters Toody (Joe E. Ross) and Muldoon (Fred Gwynne) were gentle and the humour was good clean fun. Although they would mess things up at the beginning of each episode they would somehow get everything alright in the end without anyone getting into harm. Fred Gwynne's character (Muldoon) evoked sympathy and love from his viewers - especially children. With this in mind I got out the video of the movie remake of this series. What an absolute disgrace of a movie it turned out to be! The makers of this movie completely turned around the series two morally decent characters and made them into immoral fools. The key point of the T.V. series was that Muldoon was an innocent, naive policeman who did his job with a genuine love for those he served. The Muldoon in this movie remake is a repulsive character. The clean fun is also out in this remake. No wonder that this movie is listed by IMDb in its worst 100 movies of all time. It deserves it! The makers of this movie lost its main market (the nostalgics) by ignoring the behaviour standards of the original series. Not recommended!
  • That's right, a Comic Genius created "Car 54, Where Are You?" His name was Nat Hiken and he created the BRILLIANTLY FUNNY TV series. It deeply saddens me that this film was ever made as it serves only to detract from how incredibly wonderful the original TV show was. That said, PLEASE don't judge the TV show by this moronic movie. If you have a chance to see the show, do so! DON'T think to yourself "Well if the film was that bad, then the TV series must be even worse!" Quite the contrary. The TV version is one of the funniest half hours of entertainment ever created. Every episode is a comic gem. Every character is terrifically hilarious and memorable. So in closing, I'll simply urge you yo go out and hunt down VHS copies and hold a marathon with all of your closest friends. The original "Car 54, Where Are You?" deserves to be discovered by a new generation of fans. Enjoy! You won't be disappointed.
  • Officer Toody gets assigned a new partner in technology freak Officer Muldoon. They spend much of the film getting to know each other before being assigned to protect federal witness Hebert Hortz from mobster Don Motti's hitmen. When they lose the witness both Toody and Muldoon must work together to save him.

    The story here isn't really important as their isn't really one to speak of. The majority of the film is a whole pile of set pieces where Toody and Muldoon don't get on etc. Then with 30 minutes left they get assigned to protect Hortz, lose him and then have to get him back - it's as if the film suddenly realised that it has to do something while being onscreen. It all relies on the comedy rather than the plot, however there's barely a funny line in it - I half-laughed once when the two hitmen were talking ("I often considered plumbing as a vocation", "nah - I take the kids down to Florida"), and that was it for me, not another laugh in the whole damn thing. Even the scenes that play out over the credits are rubbish - I assume that they thought no one would be left by then.

    The main problem with the film is the performances - especially Johansen. It's impossible to enjoy any scene that he's in because of his horrible voice and irritating OTT facial expressions. In this he really does have a face that you want to just keep kicking! McGinley is not as bad but when he's on screen you can't help but feel disappointed - he's had so many good support roles in good films but yet this is his reward. Likewise with Jeremy Piven - not a big star but always does good work in support. Here his gay witness is terrible - witness his rapping with black prisoners to see the depths he has sank. He did a gay character in Rush Hour 2 which was very funny and not totally OTT as it is here. Daniel Baldwin is hampered by a terrible character and at times you can almost see him thinking that he should have put a few more years in on "Homicide: LOTS". Rosie O'Donnell is awful and is almost as annoying as Johansen. One clever bit of casting is Barbara Hamilton as Toody's first partner - clever because of the Munster's connection with the original series, but he's not a great actor (his most recent work being novelty walk-ons in porn). Nipsey Russell really should have known better and should never have agreed to spoil the film's tag line by adding the f-word to it. Gore magicians Penn and Teller just add to the tacky novelty feel of the whole thing.

    This should have treated the source material with more respect and it might have been better. However it's a real shambles. No plot, roundly terrible performances and not a laugh in the place. Many of the "jokes" are embarrassing - don't miss the opening scene where Johansen "sings" with a rapping cartoon bird. In fact the rapping thing bothers me because this is full of ethnic stereotypes and constantly uses black culture for comedy effect (like Piven rapping - to general applause!).

    Overall it's not the worst thing I've ever seen but it is certainly one big unfunny embarrassment from start to finish.
  • Oh my god! This has to be the worst f-----ing movie I've ever seen! I saw this when I was 10 years old and this gave me a stomache ache.... honestly! I'm not kidding. That's how bad it is. Serious. I'm a fan of John C. McGinley, but what the hell was he thinking?! Aaaah! This movie forever tarnished my image of Rosie O Donnell. I mean, she's obnoxious enough without watching this movie! Ech! AAh! I think this is the worst movie ever made!
  • The old t.v. show had its undeniable quirky charm. this should be self evident, otherwise a 2 season sitcom from 1961-63 would have been long forgotten, and no studio would have thrown a 1990's budget at so weak a concept as to make a movie of an obscure t.v. relic. But the people behind the film had no concept of what made this show stick in peoples' craw, and that was the ridiculous innocence and banality of the crimes that mediocre good guys Toody, Muldoon, etc. encountered and dealt with in the big, bad city of New York on an episode by episode basis. Making Muldoon a crusader, rather than an equally bumbling ineffectual creature like Gunther Toody obliterates the charm of the sitcom. The whole idea of anyone from the squad actually approaching a ":real" or "serious" crime kills the whole premise of "Car 54 Where are You?" This is a relic of a sheltered and surreally unrealistic time, and this attempt to have one foot in this world and another in the semi post-repression non reality of contemporary aesthetics just doesn't cut it. Besides that, this is a bad mess of a movie on all standards.
  • snailgirl423 October 2004
    One of the worst movies I've ever seen..kept flipping back and forth to another show. I watched it because I love Fran Drescher. I thought she was funny as 'let me feel you badge Velma' and Rosie O'Donnell was okay..but David Johanson was soooooo annoying with his voice. John C McGuinley cracks me up on Scrubs but not in this movie. Horrible horrible horrible. A rated R movie that ends with a mob guy yelling 'I want my mommy' is just the worst of the worst because thats a clich├ęd line from most PG movies. It provides no laughs for adults. Fran Drescher mustve done this before The Nanny got on the air because TN debuted the year before and anyone with their own sitcom wouldn't offer to do this piece of garbage. Anyone who glances at the script can tell its a bad movie..no one could've thought it would be a hit.
  • Warning: Spoilers
    My Dad was flipping through the movie channels, and he happened to stumble upon this. He was curious because of the things he has heard about the show (neither of us has ever seen it), and I sat down because I remembered it being in the Bottom 100. This was by far, one of the absolute worst movies I have ever seen. Period. There are too many things wrong with it for me to even count!

    The acting was stiff and unconvincing, to the point of it being BEYOND cringe inducing. I really felt bad for John McGinley, and I bet he is all too willing to shove this blight out of his memories.

    The jokes fell flat EVERY SINGLE TIME. The entire movie was devoid of any charm or wit. Did the writers even read the script? The only time I laughed was when Rosie's character was thrown into a dumpster, and that laughter wasn't a "Haha, what a funny and endearing scene" kind of laugh, but a "I hope a rabid rat or something would bite her so she'd be in pain and die, her soul burning in eternal flame" kind of laugh. When you wish the characters would die so you don't have to hear their annoying little one-liners anymore, the movie has crossed the point of no return.

    GOD this movie was painful to watch! By the end, both my Dad and I had a headache, and it put him in a bad mood for the rest of the day! Even my Step mom, who started watching during the last 10 minutes said it was terrible.

    Bottom line: DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE. I cannot stress that enough. It is NOT worth it! Though, if it is your goal to watch as many of the Bottom 100 as you can, then brace yourself for a migraine.
  • When the film began, two things struck me. First, how incredibly cheesy and stupid the first two minutes were. Second, I happened to be watching the film with my laptop and I noticed on the IMDb site that the film was made in 1990 but not released for 4 years--a sure sign that the film was a crap-fest! Holding a film for release (with one exception) is a kiss of death for a film. The only exception was "Arsenic and Old Lace" which was held for release until the original play ended its run on Broadway--and was a wonderful film.

    So why, in the first place, would they want to remake "Car 54"? It's obviously impossible to capture the old show as the two leads (Fred Gwynne and Joe E. Ross) were dead and the show bears almost no similarity to Nat Hiken's silly (and low-brow) but well-written show. Well, it was done for one reason and one reason alone--Hollywood has been bereft of story ideas and has chosen to simply recycle old TV shows as movies instead of actually hiring writers who are not morons (or chimps). What else could explain the plethora of 3rd rate remakes or 2nd and 3rd rate TV shows?! As Joe E. Ross was a one-note performer with possible simian genes, the producers of this film decided to find another actor(?) who bore a striking similarity to Cornelius of "The Planet of the Apes" fame, David Johansen. Sadly he DID sound and talk like Ross' character--but 30 years later, it just seemed annoying. As far as Fred Gwynne goes, John C. McGinley bore no similarity whatsoever to the original character and was in many ways more like Tackleberry from "Police Academy"--as he was violent and prone to shooting first.

    So despite my reservations about the acting, the four year delay and the horrible introduction, is there a plot which makes the film worth seeing? Well, considering that the film is currently ranked #59 on IMDb's Bottom 100 (the 100 films with the lowest overall score), it's unlikely that I'll be recommending it any time soon (unless I loose my mind, though my kids would re-word this to "further loose my mind"--as watching this film would suggest). With such wonderfully funny things like Johansen accidentally rip out an old man's catheter (uggh), spit jokes (complete with lots of spit) and McGinley giving blind guy's tickets for stepping into the street, the film is indeed quite awful...and mind-numbingly stupid. In fact, after watching this film I actually feel significantly stupider! Do yourself a favor--don't watch this film. Even bad movie fans (like myself) won't enjoy this one...unless they are masochists.
  • This movie is not as bad as you may have heard. It is even worse. I actually saw this movie about 3 years ago, and I am just now getting around to reviewing it because it took me that long to wrap my brain around how insipid this film actually is. Only the presence of Jeremy Piven saves this from being 100% garbage. I think Jeremy was drunk and/or injected with horse tranquilizers for all his scenes; I would have to be intoxicated to appear in this movie, too. Without Mr. Piven to dilute the pain, I believe my VCR would have spontaneously combusted from bad movie overload. He is, however, only a tiny oasis of talent in the vast wasteland of crap that is known as "Car 54". Avoid, like you would small pox, plutonium or any other weapon of mass destruction.
  • Warning: Spoilers
    I have seen, at least in part, most of the films based on "classic" TV shows and have yet to see ONE that had any merit. This is odd since most contain actors of merit who have put out some really good product. I think of Raul Julia as Gomez Addams but this is still not up to John Astin.....but I digress.... I've always gotten a kick out of David Johanssen from the New York Dolls on.....in this, well, he sucks!! Rosie O'Donnell makes me ashamed to be part Irish and wonder if 38th trimester abortion shouldn't be legalized(thanks, South Park!!). All in all, I think I'd rather have gas gangrene than sit through this waste of money and talent again...
  • I have no clue why I watched this piece of crap when I was little, but now as an adult there's no fun. It's too painful to watch. There's a theory that certain TV shows that turn into the big screens work out while some just fall right down the crapper. "Car 54, Where are You?" is one of those movies.

    Plot: Gunther Toody takes in a new partner, the uptight Muldoon, while protecting local idiot Herbert Hortz.

    There's too many performers to list who are a waste of talent from David Johansen (no relation to Scarlett), John C. McGinley (TV's "Scrubs"), Fran Drescher ("The Nanny"), Daniel Baldwin (Vampires), Jeremy Piven ("Entourage", Black Hawk Down), Nipsey Russell, Rosie O'Donnell, Al Lewis ("The Munsters") and more.

    Oh, the humanity.
  • Car 54 is easily the worst big-screen adaptation of a classic television show and will likely hold that distinction for ever. Car 54, Where are You? is simply the worst comedy of all-time and one of the worst movies ever made. It may very well be the worst movie ever made because it is so unfunny and the cast including the disgusting and unfunny pairing of Buster Pointdexter(in the lead role!) and Rosie O'Donnell as his wife. They are absolutely awful, unfunny, and nauseating. The movie wastes a fine supporting cast that includes Jeremy Piven, John C. McGinley, Nipsey Russell, and Fran Drescher. Al Lewis a star of the original 1950's series reprises his role, this time as cop in his 80's! Yes his eighties. The movie was made in 1991 and sat on the shelf for a few years. It should have been locked away or burned. This movie is worst than any Police Academy movie. It is right up there with Manos, Garbage Pale Kids, and From Justin to Kelly as the worst movie ever made. 1 out 10. Beyond Awful.
  • Warning: Spoilers
    As the movie opens, Officer Toody is part of a silly musical number. It turns out he is dreaming while he sleeps in Car 54 in the middle of a riot. He and his partner (Al Lewis) return to the 53rd precinct after the familiar call. It is a wild ride full of physical comedy. Unfortunately, Lewis' character is retiring, which is a shame because he is one of the few actors giving a performance worth seeing. Muldoon, his by-the-book replacement, has been trained in new law enforcement techniques referred to as MADCOPP, which he tries to teach the other officers. Muldoon shoots at a man who stole a sandwich and tickets a blind man with a dog for jaywalking.

    The 53rd is assigned to protect Herbert Hortz, a witness who is testifying against claustrophobic mobster Don Motti. Motti hires hit men who, fortunately, turn out to be incompetent (otherwise, this movie would be over quickly).

    If any performances in this movie can be described as worthwhile, they would be Fran Drescher as a girl Toody introduces Muldoon to, and Nipsey Russell as the captain. And maybe Daniel Baldwin as Motti. As for David Johansen (Toody), I found him very annoying, mainly because his tough-sounding voice didn't work. Later in the movie, though, his performance improved. John McGinley (Muldoon) wasn't particularly likeable.

    Some highlights for me that are not spoilers: Hortz performs with a pair of rappers, an all-too-short jazz performance at the Blue Note, Tone Loc's brief appearance as a carriage driver, Toody getting snagged on a hospital patient's catheter, Lewis watching himself on 'The Munsters'.

    Once I got used to it, I actually found myself enjoying the movie. The second half actually seemed pretty good.

    Some highlights for me that would likely be called SPOILERS:

    Lewis falls down stairs at his retirement party; Muldoon's own musical number (he was pretty talented) which also ends up being a dream; Toody's 1961 Plymouth getting stolen after Toody forgot Hortz was in the trunk, and especially Toody's attempt to go undercover as a hit man in a purple suit.
  • Two inept cop partners (David Johansen, John C. McGinley) are assigned to protect a mob hood (Jeremy Piven) who's being pursued by his employers. Some of the worst excuses for slapstick comedy occur along the way. I certainly wouldn't depend on these cops for protection.
  • With all the talent they found for secondary roles, they managed to make the absolute worst film of all time. The attempts to be funny come out as lame and oborious. A perfect showing of when you try to hard to be funny, you always fail. To use the name 'Car 54, Where Are You' in the title should have been given to a REAL movie, not the junk this film was. Only thing good about the film is, if you have to fall asleep quickly, rent it. Then you'll doze off naturally and quickly.
  • Warning: Spoilers
    The only reason I watched "Car 54, Where Are You?" is because it had Jeremy Piven in it and I'm a huge fan of his. I had heard it was bad and I knew it was on the bottom 100 list. But I never follow those guidelines anyway. I'll see a movie even if I had heard that it was bad. This film came on at 6:30 in the morning and I had just gotten back to the house after taking my cousins to the bus stop. I couldn't go back to sleep so I decided to watch this film. My expectations were low because of all the bad reviews I had read. I didn't think it was THAT bad, but it wasn't very good. It has its faults. 1.) Why was David Johannsen cast for this film? Didn't his voice get on even the director's nerves? And didn't the director realize what a BAD ACTOR David Johannsen is? He was so annoying and unfunny. I can't believe he was able to get work. 2.) Rosie O'Donnell's acting. I like her, I really do. I think she's sweet and normally funny. But she was just annoying in this film. And her accent got old after a while. But I guess I can cut her some slack because this was her film debut. 3.) Too many characters. I couldn't keep up with all the characters in this film and it was too stressful on my eyes and my brain to keep up with what was going on. They should've narrowed the character limit down a bit. Too mind boggling. .

    But for some odd reason, I kind of enjoyed this film and it made me laugh in some parts. I thought it was funny. And I loved Jeremy Piven. And I'm not just saying that because I love him. I think he was one of the only lovable characters in this film. I thought his rapping with the black men in the jail cell was hilarious. I think he should've been chosen for the lead instead of freakin' David Johannsen! I am still appalled at why he was cast in this film. I think "Car 54, Where Are You?" would've been a much better film if he hadn't been in it. I'm serious. Now I see why David Johannsen hasn't been in more films.

    Anyway this film isn't Oscar material and it's not particularly GOOD, but it certainly isn't bad enough to be on the bottom 100 list. I'm not sorry I watched it. Thank you for reading my review.

    ~LaTissa~
  • dovregubben11 October 2002
    For the time I wasted. This is the only movie I have ever walked out of a theater on. I've been compelled to sit through terrible movies simply out of curiosity, i.e. could it get any worse? But I walked out of Car 54 for fear that it WOULD get worse. I'm glad my brother worked at a movie theater at the time. I didn't have to pay for the time I wasted.
  • It just may be. Certainly, it's one of the worst films I've ever witnessed. When people talk about bad films, they've obviously never seen this stinker that attempts (read: attempts) to capture the 'magic' of the original b&w TV show detailing the madcap misadventures of Muldoon (the stiff one) and Tooty (the "oooh-oooh" one). Despite a game cast, including perennial underrated actors John C. McGinley and Jeremy Piven, not a single thing that occurs within these 90-odd (and I do mean 'odd') minutes is funny...at least not intentionally. There are more memorably bad moments in this steaming pile of crud than in any actual comedy. Trust me. See John C. McGinley trying to act dignified in a Russian Kossack outfit (that actually resembles a drum majorette's)! See Rosie O'Donnell acting unfunny with a bad accent, as only Rosie O'Donnell can! Hear Nipsey Russell (yes Nipsey Russell) reduce whatever charm the original show had by uttering the titular line, plus injecting the f-word into it! Witness Buster P. singing and dancing with an entire neighborhood of people while eating a donut! And....witness him interacting with a RAPPING CARTOON BIRD. Yes. That's right. I said a rapping cartoon bird. Excrement. Grab yourself a few friends, a few beers and laugh your collective tushes off.
  • Hey, folks, here's a news flash for ya' : This is a comedy.

    I can't understand how the same people who give "Ace Ventura " and "Dumb &

    dumberer" high marks turn around and pan this movie. The former two are far, far more insulting to both my intelligence and my aesthetic sensibilities.

    Well, whatever. I enjoy this movie everytime it comes around on cable. Lots of great scenes with reasonably intelligent jokes (considering the genre.) I think Johansen is perfect in his role, as is Rosie.

    So there.
  • I dont think so.The cast are so bad in this and its not suprising the script is worse than a Police academy Sequal.the main stars have no screen chemistry.its just so unfunny.infact its dead boring considering this was based on a classic comedy show its amazing how bad this is.its in the bottom 100 imdb movies and for very good reason.1 out of 10
  • Dan-24829 May 1999
    What could be more annoying than David Johansen and Fran Dresher's voices combined?

    The movie isn't really that funny, except for the part where they throw Rossy in the garbage (joke)! It's not that bad, if you don't have anything else to do and can stand Fran Dresher's voice. Don't rent this one though, wait 'till some TV station decides to fill an empty timespot from 2 to 4 am!!!
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