Uncle Vester: Boy, just be yourself. If people don't like you for being yourself... FUCK 'EM! Let me tell you something. I scored with a girl when I was about your age. I try to please her poppa all the time; wen' out my *way* to please her poppa. I came in one day, I said, "Nice weather we having." He said, "You can't say that. You can't say that; it might rain." I said, "Nice tie you got on." "You can't say that; wife try to choke me with it." Point I'm trying to tell you, son, is be yourself. People who don't like ya for being yourself... FUCK 'EM! FUCK 'EM against the wall, with handcuffs on and crazy glue on their lips!

Uncle Vester: WHOA! My momma dead! Now I gotta cut ya! That's the rule, cut ya, cut ya!

Showboat: It's 2 o'clock. Do you know where your testicles are?

Butcher: First of all, you need to calm the fuck down and go gargle funky.

[looking at a picture frame of the late Robin Harris, who played Kid's father in the original House Party]

Uncle Vester: Boy, I miss your father.

Kid: So do I.

Uncle Vester: I wish he was here.

Kid: Me too, Uncle Vester.

Uncle Vester: Besides, he owe me $150.

Stinky: Stinky man ,my name's Stinky.

Play: Stinky Stinky Stinky!

[after Veda, who just arrived in Kid's bedroom, slaps Kid's behind]

Kid: Hey! How about a big, juicy good morning kiss?

Veda: Not with that good morning breath.

[laughs]

Kid: Well. Look, just one kiss. That's all I want.

[Kid just woke up from dreaming about getting married]

Kid: Yo, this wedding got me buggin'.