Remember when the bully at your high school would kiss you on the forehead after threatening you?
Remember when the neo-Nazi clique at your high school stole the teacher's desk and all your classmates cracked up over it?
Remember when the principal asked you if you liked sex and then proceeded to demand that you NEVER have sex on school grounds?
No? Well, then you probably didn't go to the high school in this movie.
Ken Marx is the new kid on the block. When his mom drops him off on his first day, we are treated to the most dramatic thermos toss every. Seriously! The slow-motion shot is enough to make you believe that the container is full of kryptonite. What's the significance of the thermos? Nothing. They just really wanted to reel you in with this compelling master stroke of cinematography.
We automatically get the sense that Ken is a barbie doll who has found himself in a toy chest full of rusty wrenches. He bumps into a gang of punk students. One of them has a shirt that says "Kill Yourself," while his friend polishes off a pistol, as if to say, "we could kill you but we'd rather you do it yourself." You can't fault a clique of delinquents for presenting you with options.
Soon after this, we are introduced to Tom the bully who is giving the kiss of death to a geeky lesser-being who has offended him. Yes, it is literally a kiss on the forehead.
Ken arrives at his first class, meets nerd boy Mike and is genuinely amused when Mike shows him his printed eye glasses that enable him to appear awake while sleeping in class. Mike explains that Julie's boyfriend is violent, not once but twice. Ken's response? "Come on. What can happen?" Seriously! That's what he says. Even while he's chatting up Julie, she explains to him that her boyfriend gets very jealous. The results are shocking when Tom appears and beats up Ken.
I could continue with the detailed synopsis but there's not much point. You've likely already seen the movie that this movie is ripping off. Having said that, Billy, the former cop turned janitor has more wisdom to bestow than Mr. Miyagi could ever hope to. Wax on, wax off? Billy explains to Ken that if you can dodge a dodgeball, you can dodge anyone. Yes, Ken spars with a dodgeball.
As for John Kreese's counterpart, he's the real star of this movie. The evil scar-faced Sensei Lee is a force to be reckoned with. Subtlety be damned, every other line of dialogue is accompanied by a Shakespearean hand gesture. It's captivating. As if his dramatic weight wasn't enough to hold down this movie, he also exudes egomaniacal pride reminiscent of Skeletor. After beating up a tardy student in a "match," he glares at his minions and says, "I won! WHO WON?"
"SENSEI," yell the students in unison.
"WHO WON?"
Any actor who can deliver the lines, "Kill him, my boy! Destroy him for me," deserves the credit ...nay, the regard one would give to a student of Lee Strasberg. When you think he's done with the one liners, here comes, "You wreak of failure!" It's just a friggin' feast of villainy. Did I mention that he fights in loafers and a leather vest? He also takes off his belt and whips his opponent like an insolent child.
Remember when you brought a bag of marshmallows to a campfire and your date said, "Wow, you're quite the outdoorsman"?
The point is that you should watch this movie ...if only to play a drinking game based on how many scenes feature the graffiti statement, "death kills."
