Billy Madison (1995)

Norm MacDonald: Frank

Photos 

Quotes 

• Frank : Who would you rather bone, Meg Ryan or Jack Nicholson?

  Billy Madison : Jack Nicholson now, or 1974?

  Frank : '74.

  Billy Madison : Meg Ryan.

• [after putting dog poop in a paper bag and lighting it on fire on Old Man Clemens' porch] 

  Billy Madison : Oh my God, Old Man Clemens hates shit.

  Frank : Shh, here he comes.

  Old Man Clemens : Who the hell is it? What do you want? Judas Priest, Barbara, it's one of those flaming bags again.

  Barbara : Don't put it out with your boots, Ted.

  Old Man Clemens : Don't tell me my business, Devil Woman. Call the fire department, this one's outta control.

  [Old Man Clemens steps on the bag, then lifts up his boot and smells] 

  Old Man Clemens : Eck, poop again.

  Billy Madison : He called the shit "poop".

  [Billy, Jack, and Frank laugh hysterically] 

  Frank : This is the best night of my life.

  [They continue laughing] 

  Old Man Clemens : I'll get you damn kids for this. You're all gonna die.

• Frank : [to Billy]  When I graduated first grade, all my dad did was tell me to get a job.

• Frank : I think Billy and his girlfriend are playing water polo or something.

  Jack : Hey, maybe they're playing Marco Polo. Marco.

  Frank : Polo. Jeez, that was a great game.

• Frank : Hey, you wanna go feed that donkey some beer? Get it all messed up?

  Billy Madison : Maybe later.