- [Dracula is outside Mina's room]
- Dracula: [to the maid] Essie... Essie... Your eyelids are growing heavy You will sleep... sleep.
- [Essie nods off to sleep]
- Dracula: Mina... Mina, open your eyes!
- [she does]
- Dracula: Arise, Mina.
- [she does]
- Dracula: Walk to the door.
- [Mina opens a door, and goes inside]
- Dracula: Mina... you are in the closet. Open the door, and come out.
- [she does]
- Dracula: Now walk to the Terrace Door. Watch out for the foot...
- [too late! Mina trips over the footstool, and goes flying]
- Dracula: Stool. Stand up.
- [Essie and Mina both rise]
- Dracula: Not you. Sit!
- [Mina sits]
- Dracula: No, not you, *you* sit.
- [Essie sits]
- Dracula: *You* stand.
- [both stand]
- Dracula: No! Sit!
- [both sit]
- Dracula: No, you stand!
- [both stand]
- Dracula: You walk to the Terrace Door and you go back to sleep! *Watch out!*
- [Essie and Mina bump into one another and fall to the floor. Dracula throws his arms in frustration]
- [after Van Helsing and Johnanthan have returned from driving a stake through Lucy's heart]
- Dr. Seward: I don't understand it! he's covered in blood and there's not a drop on you!
- Van Helsing: I have been to many stakings- you have to know where to stand! You know, everything in life is location, location, location...
- Van Helsing: Count Dracula. Hmm, curious. Are you descended from Vlad Tepes? The first Dracula?
- Dr. Seward: Tepes?
- Van Helsing: Ya. It means 'The Impaler.' He was a blood-thirsty butchah. He inflicted unspeakable tortures on the peasants: cutting off their hands and feet, gouging out their eyes and then impaling them on iron spikes!
- Dracula: They had it coming.
- Martin: [throwing Renfield back into his cell] You'll stay in here 'til you rot!
- [locks door]
- Martin: [Renfield starts sobbing and Martin comes in a second later] Well, you're free to go!
- Renfield: Free to go? Why? How?
- Martin: Good behavior.
- Renfield: But I've only been in here for a moment.
- Martin: Well for that moment, your behavior was very good.
- [Dracula is hypnotizing a valet at the theatre where Doctor Seward is enjoying an opera]
- Dracula: You vill tell Doctor Seward there is a message for him in the lobby... and you will remember nothing of what I tell you.
- [the valet goes to open Seward's chambers and nods her head. She opens the curtain to Seward's chambers and stands there with her mouth open for a few moments, then closes the curtain]
- Usherette: [noticing Dracula standing there] Hello, can I help you sir?
- Dracula: [mimicking her] Can I help you sir?
- [normally]
- Dracula: What's wrong with you, why did you not tell him?
- Usherette: About what?
- Dracula: About the message!
- Usherette: For whom?
- Dracula: Never mind! I vill tell him myself. And for your miserable performance, you will receive no tip!
- Usherette: No tip?
- Dracula: Ah! That, you remember!
- Renfield: Yes, I'm schh-eduled to meet Count Dracula.
- Villager #1: [horrified] Dracula!
- Villager #2: [horrified] Dracula!
- Villager #3: [horrified] Dracula!
- Villager #4: ...Schh-eduled?
- Renfield: [upon seeing two voluptuous vampire women - one rubbing a table seductively, the other rubbing the bedpost seductively] My God! What are you doing to the furniture?
- [after becoming a vampire, Lucy comes on to Jonathan]
- Jonathan Harker: But Lucy, I'm British!
- [Lucy reveals her cleavage]
- Lucy Westenra: But so are these!
- Lucy Westenra: I know you've always wanted me, and I've always wanted you. Finally we can be together.
- Jonathan Harker: But Lucy, I'm engaged to Mina... and you're dead.
- Lucy Westenra: I'm not dead. I'm undead.
- Jonathan Harker: Yes, well, I'm not unengaged.
- Van Helsing: [examining Lucy's throat with a magnifying lens] Three tiny puncture Marks on her Throat...
- Dr. Seward: Three?
- Van Helsing: [breathes on and polishes the lens] Two. Two tiny Puncture marks on her throat.
- Jonathan Harker: Are you saying that Count Dracula is our vampire?
- Van Helsing: Yes!... and no...
- Jonathan Harker: Then what are you saying?
- Van Helsing: I'm saying no. But I'm leeeeaning towards yes.
- Dr. Seward: Then you're saying yes.
- Van Helsing: No.
- Dr. Seward: Then you're saying no.
- Van Helsing: Not necessarily.
- Jonathan Harker: You sound dubious.
- Van Helsing: No -I'm positive!
- Jonathan Harker: Of what?
- Van Helsing: Of my theory!
- Jonathan Harker: And that would be?
- Van Helsing: The theory of Yes- or no.
- Renfield: [as the two Vampire brides climb into his bed] What are you on about? What's all this then? Who are you people? I-I'll have you know that's my knee you're straddling!
- Renfield: [they start to gyrate on top of him] No, Stop! Stop it at once! Oh! Ah... No, no this is wrong! This is wrong! This is wrong, do you hear me, wrong! this is-
- [He starts to moan]
- Renfield: WRONG ME! WRONG ME! WRONG MY BRAINS OUT!
- Dr. Seward: [to Martin, about Renfield] Put him in a straitjacket and give him an enema! Wait, give him an enema FIRST, then put him in a straitjacket!
- Dracula: [in a dream walking about in the daylight thinking it's real] It is so bright! So many colors! And the sun is so warm!
- [Spots a couple having a picnic]
- Dracula: Hello, young lovers! I could not help but smell your lovely picnic. Could I presume to ask you for a piece of your chicken?
- Young Lover at Picnic: Surely, sir!
- Lover at Picnic: Some wine, sir?
- Dracula: I never drink... wine. Oh, what the hell. Let me try it.
- [Takes a drink]
- Dracula: It's good!
- Renfield: Master, master!
- Dracula: Renfield, look at me! I am drinking wine, and eating chicken!
- Renfield: Master, what are you doing out in the daytime?
- Dracula: Relax, Renfield, I am cured!
- Renfield: No, no you're not, look!
- Dracula: [Sees himself burning] I made a mistake! I've got to get back to my coffin!
- [Starts running in place before waking up in his coffin screaming]
- Dracula: It's nighttime! It wasn't real. I was... having a daymare.
- Dr. Seward: Count Dracula, allow me to introduce Professor Abraham Van Helsing of London University. He's a doctor of rare diseases as well as theology and philosophy.
- Van Helsing: And gynaecology.
- Dr. Seward: Oh, I didn't know you had your hand in that, too.
- [Jonathan had just impaled Lucy, and was hit by two rounds of blood]
- Jonathan Harker: Oh! This is - this is ghastly!
- Van Helsing: Yes, you're right. We should have put newspapers down!
- [Renfield is having breakfast with Dr. Seward. He sees a bug on the table and eats it]
- Dr. Seward: I was just telling Ma... what was that?
- Renfield: Huh?
- Dr. Seward: You just grabbed something from the table.
- Renfield: I did not.
- Dr. Seward: Yes you did, I saw you, you put it in your mouth. I think it was an insect.
- Renfield: [thinks of an alibi] Oh, that was a raspberry.
- Dr. Seward: Raspberry? We're not serving raspberries.
- Renfield: Then it must have been a raisin. I guess it fell off the muffin. See? There's one missing.
- [the two men laugh. Renfield sees a spider coming towards him, and he quickly eats it up]
- Dr. Seward: How silly of me! It must have been my imagina... there, you did it again!
- Renfield: Huh?
- Dr. Seward: You just put a bug in your mouth. I think it was a spider!
- Renfield: I did not.
- Dr. Seward: Yes, you did.
- Renfield: I did not.
- Dr. Seward: Yes, you did.
- [this goes on for two and a half rounds]
- Dr. Seward: [shouts] I tell you I saw you snatch a spider right of the air and eat it!
- Renfield: A spider?
- [swallows the spider in his mouth]
- Renfield: How absurd!
- Dracula: [after rising from his coffin and hitting his head on a chandelier] I must move the coffin or the chandelier.
- Jonathan Harker: Oh... my... GOD! There's so much blood!
- Van Helsing: She just ate!
- Jonathan Harker: Oh! She's still alive!
- Van Helsing: Hit her again!
- Jonathan Harker: No no, I can't.
- Van Helsing: How much blood can she have left?
- [Jonathan hits the stake more lightly and even more blood sprays out than before]
- Van Helsing: She's almost dead!
- Jonathan Harker: She's dead enough.
- Van Helsing: Where did her blood go? There's nothing on the pillow case, or her nightgown.
- [to Dr. Seward]
- Van Helsing: Can you explain zhat?
- [looks at Jonathan]
- Van Helsing: Can you explain zhat?
- Dr. Seward: No, I can't explain zhat.
- Jonathan Harker: I can't explain zhat, either.
- Van Helsing: No one can explain zhat!
- [still at the breakfast scene. A grasshopper jumps onto the patio. Renfield, intentionally, throws his fork]
- Renfield: Oh! Dropped my fork!
- [Renfield gets on all fours and scrambles under the table for the insect]
- Dr. Seward: Mr. Renfield, what are you doing down there?
- Renfield: Fork found!
- [comes back up]
- Renfield: Sorry for the delay.
- [the grasshopper's leg is sticking out of Renfield's mouth, and wiggling about. Renfield looks at Dr. Seward, confused]
- Dr. Seward: My God, man! You're eating insects right from the ground!
- Renfield: What makes you say that?
- Dr. Seward: I can see one trying to get out of your mouth!
- Renfield: Out of my mouth?
- Dr. Seward: Yes, out of your mouth! Your very own mouth and it's wiggling about!
- Renfield: Don't be ridiculous! Wiggling!
- Dr. Seward: I'm not ridiculous at all! It's wiggling all over the place! Poor thing is fighting for its life!
- [Renfield eyes the grasshopper's leg, and quickly scoops it up]
- Renfield: I don't know what you're talking about. If you insist on ranting like this, I'm going to leave!
- Dr. Seward: Me, ranting? You're the ranter!
- [Renfield spots a fly]
- Renfield: [to the fly] Hello, little darling!
- [grabs the air in attempt to catch the fly]
- Renfield: Don't be afraid!
- [laughs in a strange tone]
- Renfield: I won't hurt you! All I want is your life!
- [Renfield does a body slam across Dr. Seward's lap, and knocks everything off the table]
- Jonathan Harker: [having been told to drive a stake into Lucy] Oh, that's horrible. Is there no other way?
- Van Helsing: One other. We could cut off her head, stuff her mouth with garlic and tear off her ears!
- Jonathan Harker: [after a moment's thought] Give me the stake.
- [pauses again]
- Jonathan Harker: No. No, I can't do it... you do it!
- Van Helsing: It must be done by one who loved her in life!
- Jonathan Harker: I only liked her!
- Van Helsing: Close enough!
- Van Helsing: Why don't we have a look at the brain?
- Woodbridge: [smiling] Mhm.
- Van Helsing: First we crack open the skull, like so.
- [bashes the corpse's head with a big hammer]
- Van Helsing: Behold the naked human brain... Examine it!
- [throws the brain to Woodbridge]
- Woodbridge: [screams and faints]
- Dracula: [carrying Essie out instead of Mina] You will be my bride throughout eternity. We'll share the endless passion of immortal love.
- Essie: Oh I can't wait!
- Dracula: [stares at her in surprise] NOT YOU!
- Dracula: [takes her back inside and throws heron the floor, and carries Mina out, speaking very fast] You will be my bride throughout eternity, we'll share the endless passion of immortal love!
- Dracula: [after flying out the window to the ground below] The field, hurry!
- [Renfield obeys and dives out the window, crash-landing on the ground below, then staggers disoriented to his feet]
- Renfield: [Hobbles in pain] Uuuhhhh!
- Dracula: Renfield... I meant for you to use the drainpipe
- [Points]
- Dracula: I fly... You don't!
- Renfield: Oh yes, of course! He flies, I don't. He flies, I don't. He flies, I DON'T.
- [Hobbling off behind DRACULA]
- [Dracula picks up Jonathan by the throat]
- Dracula: Arrogant mortal! You are in my world now and you will never leave this attic alive! I will destroy you, and then I will possess she whom you love the most. And there is not a single thing in the world you can do to stop me!
- [Dracula laughs. Jonathan pokes him in the eyes and Dracula drops Jonathan]
- Dracula: Ow!
- Mina Murray: Oh it makes me so happy to be at the Opera! I love this palace of art and beauty!
- Jonathan Harker: Johnathan: Oh yes my dear, the Opera is astonishing! The music is frothed with love, hate, sensuality and unbridled passion!... All the things in my life I've managed to suppress so far.
- Mina Murray: [after Dr. Seward catches Jonathan with his hands on Mina's behind] Suddenly without any reason at all, he laid his hands on me!
- Jonathan Harker: [exasperated] Oh, she told me to touch it!
- Jonathan Harker: [watching Mina's reflection in a mirror as she's dancing with Dracula, where it looks like she's dancing alone] She's doing quite well without him, isn't she?