Tuna Salad Guy: They're serving tuna salad for lunch! Tuna salad for LUNCH!

Tommy Collins: Judge Ito! Have some of my burrito

Tommy Collins: If a small taco is a taquito, then a small judge... must be a Judge Ito!

Tommy Collins: Run O.J. Run... OWWWWWW

Mrs. Collins: [brining breakfest to Tommy] Wakey wakey, Eggs and Bacey, Time to get up puddin'

Tommy Collins: Free Willy, Billy. Not Kill Willy, Billy.

Frank: No, kill Tommy, Tommy

Tommy Collins: [Upon finding his jury summons in the dumpster] Aha! Court is now in session.

Judge Powell: [Tommy approaches the judge] What in God's name are you doing here?

Tommy Collins: Your honor. I don't think it's fair that you guys get to have your own little powwow over here, while we can't listen. We have to hear, too, for information.

Judge Powell: You're a juror. Get back in that box!

Tommy Collins: [There's a knock at his hotel room door] What's the secret code?

Russell Cadbury: [from outside the door] Peanut kicks Lassie's butt.

Tommy Collins: Why'd you do it, Frank? Or should I call you the Psycho Environmentalist Killer?

Frank: My mother always called me Billy... I'll tell you why I did it. I'm only hastening the inevitable. Mother Earth needs to cleanse herself. We're all gonna' burn in a fiery hell! Oh, God, can't you see? There's no hope!

Tommy Collins: Aren't *you* a ray of sunshine.

Harry: [Talking to Tommy on the bus] Don't forget, kid, what Harry the Hot Tub King always says: It's not how *many* jets, it's where they're positioned.