Mark Jackson: That thing could eat a whole stack of Bibles for breakfast!

Sherry: Mr. Gartley, do something!

Bill Gartley: Do somethin'?

[to Lin Sue]

Bill Gartley: She wants me to do something!

[to Sherry]

Bill Gartley: I'll do somethin'! I'll do a little DANCE! That's what I'll do! I'll do a little jig for ya, Sherry!

[after seeing Mrs. Frawley get crushed by the mangler]

Bill Gartley: Ah, Frawley, you stupid old bitch. Always getting in the way. Goddamn it, goddamn it, goddamn it!

Mark Jackson: Have you considered the possibility that the machine may be haunted?

Officer John Hunton: Oh yeah, Mark, that's the first thing that popped into my mind!

Officer John Hunton: It folded her like a sheet Mark!

[last lines]

Sherry: Never enough time around here. I'm not running a charity here, Herb. Tell them to get their lazy asses in gear.

Herb Diment: Sherry. You heard the boss! Keep movin'!

Mark Jackson: Whats in this?

Officer John Hunton: I don't know, they're antacids, I got them from Mrs. Frawley.

Mark Jackson: [looking at ingredients on antacid bottle] Belladonna? You got these from Mrs. Frawley?

Officer John Hunton: The Hand of Glory?

Mark Jackson: I think... we may be fucked.

Bill Gartley: There's a little bit of me in that machine... and a little bit of that machine in me.

George Stanner: [Stanner is working on the machine when he sees Sherry coming towards him, crying hysterically] ... Sherry... what are you doing here?

Sherry: I have to see my uncle!

George Stanner: [Stanner holds out his arm to stop her] It's not a good idea, he's very upset...

Sherry: I can't work here anymore... the police came and asked me questions, I've gotta speak to him!

George Stanner: ...Police... it figures. Just don't go up there! He's busy.

Sherry: ...Lin-Sue's with him, isn't she?

George Stanner: [stares at Sherry worriedly] ... Sherry, go on home now...

Sherry: I HAVE to talk to him!

Bill Gartley: How are we feeling, my dear?

Lin Sue: Strange... I'm getting sick... are you ready for bed?

Bill Gartley: Yes... NO! No... there's something I must show you... my baby daughter's death certificate.

Lin Sue: [horrified] She was only sixteen!

Bill Gartley: Well, survival of the fittest.

J.J.J. Pictureman: [forlorn] I'm being... eaten up inside...

Officer John Hunton: What are you, some kind of pervert?

Mark Jackson: It doesn't matter whether I'm a pervert...

Officer John Hunton: The mangler got the foreman...

J.J.J. Pictureman: You have to exorcise your demon... don't let it possess your soul...

Sherry: Are you crazy?

Officer John Hunton: No, I'm a POLICEMAN!

Herb Diment: [Herb has to chop his colleague's arm off in order to free him from the laundry mangle] Oh god, I can't, George...

George Stanner: DO IT!

J.J.J. Pictureman: Just when you think you've seen it all, life bites you in the ass!

[makes a clicking noise with his teeth and grins]

Officer John Hunton: Excuse me, Miss Oulette, I'm uh, investigating a laundry folding machine with a bad case of demon possession, and I need to examine you to determine whether or not you're a virgin!

Bill Gartley: The only thing worse than the devil within... is the devil without.

[first lines]

George Stanner: What are you doing? Not up here. Get back down there. Jesus. Morons.

Bill Gartley: My power has nothing to do with money! Power is energy, power is motivation, power is what holds things together!

George Stanner: [appalled] My, god, Mr. Gartley Sir, that machine killed your daughter!... Look what it's done to you...