Joy: Well, I hope you enjoyed that kiss, because until you cancel your little peep show this bod is off limits.

Matt: Honey, come here.

Joy: No, Matt, you've made your bed. Now you can lie in it... alone.

Matt: I don't get it.

Joy: Exactly.

Reed: My brother ate a lot of bugs as a kid. In a way, I blame myself.

Billy: Why?

Reed: I was shoving them in his mouth.

Reed: Trust me. One look at this and you won't be thinking about sex.

[Plays video tape.]

Matt: Grandma?

Reed: It's her 75th birthday party. This is where she kisses you on the mouth.

Billy: Hey, come on, Reed. Marriage is about compromise. It's alright if he gives in once in a while.

Reed: He always gives in.

Billy: Oh yeah. Say Matt, when you play baseball, what do you scratch?

Kate: I know I haven't lived her that long, but I thought you were the kind of guys that could appreciate women for more than just their bodies.

Reed: Kate, as a feminist, I resent that.

[pause]

Reed: Hey, it gets me laid.

Billy: Look, it's not his fault. His mother made sure he got daily x-rays.

Reed: Well at least my crib light wasn't a french fry lamp.

Kate: Why do men always show affection by putting each other down?

Billy: Oh that's just when women are around. As soon as you leave, we're gonna highlight our hair and bitch about our hips.

Kate: Isn't hacking into someone's account illegal?

Andy: Yeah. You'd think it'd be harder.

[Andy and Kate just saw their roommates storm out of the room after a fight.]

Andy: This is too weird.

Kate: I know. I feel terrible.

Andy: No. No. No. Tori Spelling's on the chat line.

Kate: You guys need to talk.

Billy: Huh. Talk. Why is it women always think talking is the answer?

Andy: Yeah. And why is it women always get so upset when you stand outside their window and watch them all night?

[Billy tracks Reed down at an ice fishing shack.]

Reed: What are you doing here?

Billy: Well, I was uh taking out the trash and I thought of you.

Billy: Why'd you do it?

Reed: What do you want me to say? I had the money and was just too cheap to give it to you?

Billy: I want the truth.

Reed: Alright. I had the money and I was just too cheap to give it to you.

[Exhales]

Reed: Feels good to get that off my chest.

Reed: Remember those five teamsters I flew out to Lake Alexander? They gave me a huge tip... which is weird because I only brought four of them back.