Audrey: You still want a muffin?

George Findlay: Yes, dark bran.

Audrey: What if he only has cranberry left?

George Findlay: Oh God, this muffin thing again... Why whenever I ask for a bran, you always come back with cranberry?

Audrey: Because... he's usually out of bran by now and cranberry happens to be all he has left.

George Findlay: Oh, and you know why? I'll tell you why. Because he can't make five more bran muffins. So by eleven o'clock in the morning, there's something like thousand cranberry muffins, and... you know why they're sitting there...? Because everyone hates them.

Audrey: How about apple cinnamon?

George Findlay: How about... most of the commercial apple products made... are not made with real apple, they're made with turnips, and apple flavour.

Audrey: Really?

George Findlay: The entire muffin industry in this country is a joke.

George Findlay: The entire muffin industry in this country is a joke.

[repeated line]

George Findlay: That's not the point.

George Findlay: [George's car has been sideswiped by a worker from the French Consulate who refuses to pay for the damages] Of course he was drunk! The French always drive drunk! Look at Princess Di's driver! Bombed out of his mind! Do you know what the sobriety test is in France? Is the driver's liver functioning?

George Findlay: Okay, so they got a picture of this woman with Jim -- what, sitting on Jim's lap or something? I sat on Santa Claus's lap, I have a picture of that. Was I sleeping with Santa Claus?

Mark: I don't know, were you?

George Findlay: David Frum's in bed with the Christian right. They are pro-life, anti-abortion, let-God's-will-take-its-course. I just don't see inserting a plug in your head being consistent with that ideology.

Jeremy: Anti-abortion, anti-plug, pro-life, pro-...

George Findlay: Pro-weave, pro-rug, pro-life.

Mark: So he's not plugged.

Audrey: Why don't we move on to someone else until this issue is settled.

Jeremy: Preston Manning.

George Findlay: Yeah, he's got good ideas, but, again I have this problem when I see him on television, um, I try to listen to him, but my eye goes right to, you know, to...

Mark: The chin.

Jeremy: Yeah, the chin thing.

George Findlay: You've got to hand it to him. He didn't have it fixed, which I guess is consistent with his anti-abortion, pro-chin ideology.