Sydney: Good morning, Miss Parker. Broots.
Miss Parker: You're looking... refreshed.
Sydney: New underpants will do that to you.
[Miss Parker and Broots look at each other silently]
Miss Parker: Sydney, you made a funny.
Sydney: Stole it, I'm afraid. Last night, I went on a date.
Broots: You had a date!
Miss Parker: [to Broots] That's when two people actually meet instead of typing to each other on a computer keyboard.
Miss Parker: So, if it was a date, how can you be sure that those are *your* underpants?
Jarod: Love transcends death. The people we love touch our lives, even after they're gone.
Jarod: [after asking the foreman about the sulfuric chloride] One more question.
Jarod: Valentine's Day. Specifically cupid.
Jarod: A corpulent infant, who happens to be an archer, goes around shooting arrows into people and suddenly they're in love?
Foreman: That's about it.
Jarod: And to show that they love, people buy each other chocolate and other sweets? Do they want to be fat, like the infant?
Jarod: Karma. Ain't it a bitch?
Mr. Lyle: When in doubt, lie.
Broots: I, uh, know it's none of my business, Syd, but sometimes Memory Lane can be a dead-end street.
Claire: Jarod, if you ever wanta get together, pick each other's brains, little one-on-one...
Jarod: Careful Claire, don't cross a line you can't come back from.
Miss Parker: [Referring to her nicotine patch] The only way this thing is gonna help me is if I roll it and smoke it.
Sydney: You believe someone stole your mother's body?
Miss Parker: Except for this Scotch-induced earthquake rattling between my ears, I'm not sure exactly what to believe anymore.
Broots: Let's face it, Sydney. Catherine Parker's body being gone fits in with all the other bizarre happenings around here. The reappearance of Edna Raines, who, after 30 years, everyone thought was dead...
Miss Parker: And now who really is dead, thanks to the Bald Butcher she called hubby.
Jarod: Trust your inner sense, Miss Parker. I do.
Miss Parker: Make up your mind, Sydney. Be a scientist or a mommy. You can't be both.
Jarod: You can only be a jinx if you believe in luck.
Sydney: You can't save them all, Jarod. You may be a Pretender, but you're human.
Miss Parker: [to Jarod, after he meets her face-to-face] You've got quite a set, showing up here.
Miss Parker: [about borrowing Angelo from Mr Raines] Uncle Fester will never know his Lurch is missing.
Kyle: Don't worry, sheriff. I'm no hero.
Miss Parker: You shouldn't underestimate Jarod. And you should never underestimate me. And the next time that you send me into a building that is gonna explode, it had better blow, because if it doesn't it's gonna be your gray matter they will be mopping up with a toothbrush.
[to Broots' daughter Debbie]
Miss Parker: These are the house rules: no running, no playing, no feet on the furniture, and no noise, which includes crying and whining. Be invisible and we'll get along just fine.
Catherine Parker: Trust can kill you or set you free.
Jarod: I want to know who I am. And I'd rather die trying to find out than live not knowing.
Broots: Actually Ms. Parker, I don't think we're in Kansas any more.
Miss Parker: You mean a shrink, don't you? Thanks Syd, but I'll leave the mental masturbation to someone else.
Claire: The superior mind always has a way out: a tiny little door marked 'exit.'
Jarod: Well maybe it's time to run for it.
Miss Parker: I never thought I'd hear you say 'murder is business as usual,' Syd.
Isaac Dexter: Actually, I offer a very valuable service. You'd be surprised how many cab drivers won't pick up a man in a dress.
Jarod: Really? Why?
Isaac Dexter: The truth is, I'd like to offer my services as your personal chauffeur.
Jarod: No kidding! That's great! Now, you're sure you have a driver's license?
Isaac Dexter: Don't worry, boss. You're in good hands. And I promise to be the perfect lady.
Man, off camera: Hey, baby!
Isaac Dexter: Up yours, pal!
Sydney: Bernice and I went to this amusing little place, The Chocolat.
[Broots and Miss Parker burst out laughing]
Broots: You, uh, you, you, you went to a comedy club.
Sydney: New experiences keep my psychiatric skills finely tuned.
Miss Parker: Not to mention that slam-bang wit.
Sydney: Exactly! How many psychiatrists does it take to change one lightbulb?
Miss Parker: [about Angelo] Cousin It woke up and remembered he was Liberace.
Miss Parker: [to Broots] You look like you need to change your pamper.
Miss Parker: Sydney, step back. I wouldn't want you to get brain matter all over your new suit.
Kyle: I decide who lives or dies.
Jarod: [about Kyle whose heart was transplanted into a young boy after his death] Good for you, little brother. Good for you.
Kyle: Ive been angry for so long, so filled with rage and revenge, Ive forgotten what it was like to care about someone.
Mr. Lyle: We both know that this notion of human equality perpetuates mediocrity. But we're not mediocre, are we, Miss Parker? We're independent - and independence - that's a privilege of the strong. Tell me, Miss Parker, how strong are you?
Miss Parker: God forgives. I don't.