- Allan Hopper: How can you take this loser's word? You can't believe him!
- Teddy Peppers: I'll take his word over yours. It's been my experience, more often than not, that a loser has more honor than a winner.
- Allan Hopper: You know, I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I was raised in a trailer park. My father abandoned us, and my mother couldn't even afford to send us to college. Now, I may be an asshole, but I've worked hard to become one.
- Wes Taylor: Alvin, can I ask you a question?
- Alvin Strayer: I hate it when people ask if they can ask a question. Just ask it!
- Dosmo Pizzo: You better tell him I'm not fucking around, Susan.
- Susan Parish: He's not fucking around.
- Detective Creighton: I know we're Valley detectives so we're not all that bright, but how stupid does he think we are?
- Dosmo Pizzo: What the fuck happened?
- Lee Woods: Does every other word have to be fuck? Is that the extent of your vocabulary?
- Dosmo Pizzo: It fucking bothers you? I didn't fucking know.
- Allan Hopper: You fed him last night? Flavored his food with bacon?
- Susan Parish: Yes
- Allan Hopper: Good girl.
- Susan Parish: Me or the dog?
- Allan Hopper: The dog is a boy.
- Dosmo Pizzo: I ain't afraid of them. They just don't like me. I don't know what it is. They always growl at me.
- Teddy Peppers: I'll take his word over yours. It's been my experience, more often than not that a loser has more honor than a winner.