The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)

Jason Alexander: Hugo

Photos 

Quotes 

• Hugo : Hey isn't that, uh, Feeble?

  Laverne : Doofus.

  Quasimodo : Phoebus!

• Esmeralda : Maybe Frollo's wrong about the both of us.

  [the gargoyles are eavesdropping] 

  Hugo : What did she say?

  Laverne : Frollo's nose is long, and he wears a truss.

  Hugo : Ha! Told ya. Pay up.

  Victor : Oh, dear...

  [hands him a coin] 

  Hugo : [takes the coin]  Chump!

• [the gargoyles have made a catapult] 

  Victor : Ready, aim, fire!

  [they throw the whole catapult at the guards; it misses them, falling face down] 

  Victor : Are you *sure* that's how it works?

  [the catapult deploys, flipping over and hitting the guards] 

  Hugo : Works for me!

• Hugo : [to Quasi]  Yeah, you're human, with the flesh, and the hair, and the navel lint. We're just part of the architecture. Right, Victor?

  Victor : Yet, if you chip us, shall we not flake? If you moisten us, do we not grow moss?

• Hugo : What're you guys talkin' about? If I knew Esmeralda, she's three steps ahead of Frollo and well outta harm's way.

  Quasimodo : [doubtfully]  Do you really think so?

  Hugo : Hey, when things cool off, she'll be back. You'll see.

  Quasimodo : [puzzledly]  What makes you so sure?

  Laverne : Because she likes ya.

  [ruffling Quasi's hair] 

  Laverne : We always said you were the cute one.

  Hugo : [eating crackers and cheese]  I thought *I* was the cute one!

  Laverne : No, you're the fat, stupid one with the big mouth!

  Hugo : Whatcha sayin', exactly?

• Hugo : Hey, Quasi, what's goin' on out there? A fight? A flogging?

  Victor : A festival!

  Hugo : You mean the Feast of Fools?

  Quasimodo : Uh-huh.

  Hugo : All right, all right! Pour the wine and cut the cheese!

  Victor : It is a treat to watch the colorful pageantry of the simple peasant folk.

  Hugo : [shoving Quasi aside]  Boy, nothin' like balcony seats for watching the ol' F.O.F.

  Quasimodo : Yeah, watchin'.

  [he leaves, downcast] 

  Hugo : Oh, look, a mime.

  [Hugo prepares to spit on the mime, Victor stops him by clapping his hand over his mouth, then Hugo gulps] 

• [Quasimodo is chained down, the gargoyles are encouraging him to free himself] 

  Hugo : Come on, Quasi, snap out of it!

  Victor : Your friends are down there!

  Quasimodo : [despondently and weakly]  It's all my fault.

  Laverne : [as she, Hugo, and Victor try tugging the chains]  You gotta break these chains!

  Quasimodo : [slightly indignantly]  I can't. I tried. What difference would it make?

  Victor : But you can't let Frollo *win*!

  Quasimodo : [despondently again]  He already has.

  Hugo : [dropping the chains]  Say, you're giving up? That's it?

  Laverne : These chains aren't what's holding you back, Quasimodo.

  Quasimodo : [snapping firmly]  Leave me alone!

  Hugo : [meekly]  Okay. Okay, Quasi. We'll leave you alone.

  Victor : After all, we're only made out of stone.

  [he and Hugo turn to stone] 

  Laverne : We just thought maybe you were made of somethin' stronger.

  [turns to stone] 

  Laverne : [pause; Frollo's voice drifts up from below] 

  Frollo : For justice, for Paris, and for her own salvation, it is my sacred duty to send this unholy demon... back where she belongs!

  [he fires the kindling while the crowd indistinctly shouts in protest] 

  Quasimodo : *Nooooooooooooooo!*

  [the chains snap taut, the bells resonate as the pillars Quasimodo is chained to break and fall] 

• Hugo : Just give her some slack, then reel her in! Then give her some slack, then reel her in! Then give her some slack...

  Laverne : [bonking Hugo's head to cut him off]  Knock it off, Hugo. She's a girl, not a mackerel.

• Hugo : [singing]  Paris, the city of lovers, is glowing this evening / True, that's because it's on fire, but still there's l'amour / Somewhere out there in the night / Her heart is also alight / And I know the guy she just might be burning for.

• Laverne : Nobody wants to stay cooped up here forever.

  Quasimodo : [gets up excitedly]  You're right! I'll go!

  [the gargoyles cheer as Quasimodo tells them what he'll do in preparation] 

  Quasimodo : I'll get cleaned up.

  Hugo : Yes, sir!

  Quasimodo : I'll stroll down those stairs.

  Hugo : There you go!

  Quasimodo : I'll march *through* the doors, and--

  [walks straight into Frollo] 

  Frollo : Good *morning*, Quasimodo.

• [last lines] 

  Hugo : Good night, everybody! Wah-ha-hoo!

• Quasimodo : Thanks for the encouragement, but you're all forgetting one big thing.

  Hugo , Laverne , Victor : [shrugging their shoulders]  What?

  Quasimodo : My master, Frollo.

  Hugo , Laverne , Victor : Oh.

  Hugo : Yeah.

  Victor : Well, when he says you're forbidden from ever leaving the bell tower, does he mean *ever*, ever?

  Quasimodo : *Never*, ever, and he *hates* the Feast of Fools! He'd be furious if I asked to go.

  Hugo : [smiles slyly whist rubbing his hands together]  Who says you gotta ask?

  Quasimodo : Oh, no!

  Hugo : Ya sneak out...

  Laverne : It's just one afternoon.

  Quasimodo : I-I couldn't.

  Hugo : *And* ya sneak back in...

  Laverne : He'll never know you were gone.

  Quasimodo : [clasps his temple in his hands]  And if I got caught?

  Victor : Better to beg forgiveness than ask permission.

  Quasimodo : He might *see* me!

  Hugo : [puts on a hooded cloak]  You could wear a disguise, just this once. What Frollo doesn't know can't hurt ya.

  Victor : Ignorance is bliss.

  Hugo : [noogies Victor]  Look who's talking.

  Laverne : Nobody wants to stay cooped up here forever.

  Quasimodo : [beams and stands up]  You're right! I'll go!

• [after the pigeon fledgling leaves the nest, Hugo comes alive and spits out the nest in his mouth] 

  Hugo : Man! I thought he'd never leave. I'll be spitting feathers for a week.

  Victor : Well, that's what you get for sleeping with your mouth open.

  Hugo : Ha-ha-ha. Go scare a nun.

• Victor : Oh, but that poor Gypsy girl. I'm beginning to feel the worst.

  Laverne : I know, but now don't you say anything to upset Quasimodo. He's worried enough already.

  Hugo : Yeah, you're right. We'd better lighten up.

  Victor : [as Quasi climbs down after ringing the bells]  Sh-sh-sh! Here he comes.

  Laverne : Now just stay calm.

  Victor : Not a word.

  Hugo : Easy does it.

  Victor : Look stone-faced.

  Quasimodo : [approaching the window]  Any sign of her?

  Victor : [Breaks down and weeps]  Doh, it's a lost cause! She could be anywhere: in the stocks, in the dungeon, or on the rack! Oh God...

  Laverne : [giving an A-OK sign]  Nice work, Victor.

  Quasimodo : No, he's right. What're we gonna do?

• Laverne : Look, he's got a friend with him!

  Hugo : Yeah, maybe today wasn't a total loss, after all.

  Victor : A vision of loveliness.

  Hugo : The one in the dress ain't bad, either.

• Hugo : Hey-hey! There he is!

  [He, Laverne, and Victor rush to cheer and applaud Quasi, who's walking back to the bell tower, glad to be rid of Phoebus] 

  Victor : Bravo, bravissimo! You ejected that tin-plated baboon with great panache!

  Hugo : The *nerve* of him, snoopin' around here, trying to steal your girl.

  Quasimodo : *My* girl?

  Laverne : Esmeralda. Dark hair, works with a goat. Remember?

  Hugo : Boy, I do! Way to go, lover boy!

  Quasimodo : "Lover boy"? Oh, no, no--no, no!

  Laverne : Aw, don't be so modest.

  Quasimodo : Look, I appreciate what you're all trying to do, but let's not fool ourselves. "Ugliest face in all of Paris", remember? I don't think I'm her type.

• Hugo : You could wear a disguise, just this once. What Frollo doesn't know can't hurt ya.

  Victor : Ignorance is bliss.

  Hugo : [to the side]  Look who's talkin'.

• Laverne : [singing]  Call me a hopeless romantic but Quasi, I feel it.

  Victor : [singing]  She wants you so / Any moment she'll walk through that door.

  Hugo , Victor , Laverne : [singing]  For...

  Hugo : [singing]  A guy so swell.

  Hugo , Victor , Laverne : [singing]  A guy like you.

  Hugo : [singing]  With all you bring her.

  Victor , Laverne : [singing]  I tell you Quasi.

  Hugo : [singing]  A fool could tell.

  Victor , Laverne : [singing]  There never was.

  Hugo : [singing]  It's why she fell.

  Victor , Laverne : [singing]  Another, was he?

  Hugo : [singing]  For you-know-who.

  Victor , Laverne : [singing]  From king to serf to the bourgeoisie.

  Hugo : [singing]  You ring the bell.

  Victor , Laverne : [singing]  They're all a second-stringer.

  Hugo , Victor , Laverne : [singing]  You're the bell ringer! / When she wants ooh-la-la / And she wants you la-la / She will discover, guy / You're one heck of a guy / Who wouldn't love a guy like you?

  Hugo : [singing]  You got a lot / The rest have not / So she's gotta love a guy like you!

• Hugo : [singing]  A guy like you she's never known, kid. / A guy like you a girl does not meet every day. / You've got a look that's all your own, kid. / Could there be two?

  Hugo , Victor , Laverne : [singing]  Like you? No way!

  Hugo : [singing]  Those other guys that she could dangle all look the same from every boring point of view. / You're a surprise from every angle. / Mon Dieu above, she's gotta love a guy like you.

  Victor : [singing]  A guy like you gets extra credit / Because it's true you've got a certain some thing more.

  Hugo : [spoken]  You're aces, kid!

  Laverne : [singing]  You see that face / You don't forget it.

  Victor , Laverne : [singing]  Want something new?

  Hugo : [singing]  That's you.

  Hugo , Victor , Laverne : [singing]  For sure!

  Laverne : [singing]  We all have gaped at some Adonis.

  Victor : [singing]  But then we crave a meal more nourishing to chew.

  Hugo : [singing]  And since you're shaped like a croissant is...

  Hugo , Victor , Laverne : [singing]  No question of, she's gotta love a guy like you!

• Laverne : Take it from us, Quasi. You've got nothing to worry about.

  Hugo : Yeah, you're irresistible!

  Victor : [chuckles]  Knights-in-shining-armor certainly aren't her type.

  Hugo : And those guys are a dime a dozen, but you - you're one of a kind.

• [playing cards with a pigeon] 

  Hugo : You're telling me--I'm losin' to a *bird*!