8 August 2003 | solongsuckers
The worst movie of all time? It's on the VERY short list. This is the most lifeless, souless, plotless mess that I have ever witnessed and isn't remotely as fun as any bad Ed Wood movie. Eric Stoltz, looking like Bridgette Fonda's twin sister, er brother, laughingly fakes his way through this as some kind of stud. Defying all laws of science, Stoltz "attracts" every woman that he comes up to. Michael Rooker portrays somebody, possibly a Southern stereotype but I have yet to see anyone who looks or acts like this while I've lived in the South. This movies's problem, other then the terrible acting, the lifeless characters and the dead story, is that it knows nothing about places like Tulsa, Oklahoma, yet portrays them with a seriousness that makes you believe that they live there. We find out what the "plot" is about an hour and a half into the movie. It has something to do with white people being evil. The problem is that there is not one black person in the entire movie (other then a waiter with a five second part) and the story is being told by rich, white actors so there is ZERO credibility and is completely insulting. Until the "plot" unfolds an hour and a half into the movie, people stumble around and don't do much of anything. On top of that, there are very few moments to fast forward through. Beyond awful. On the positive side, I did use to like the moody "Keys to Tulsa" theme until I realized that it was depressing. Oh yeah, James Spader is in this and James Spader is cool. That's it.