Mark-Paul Gosselaar credited as playing...
Cooper
- Matt: [after he gets caught singing a show tune by Cooper] Oh fuck me!
- Cooper: What were you just doing?
- Matt: What? Nothing!
- Cooper: Oh no, don't tell me nothing, you were just singing a show tune!
- Matt: You're crazy, I'd never do that.
- Cooper: You can't be suicidal if you're singing show tunes!
- Matt: I am suicidal.
- Cooper: You're not even depressed!
- Matt: Of course I'm depressed, look at me.
- [hunches over]
- Matt: I'm very fucking depressed.
- Cooper: You fucking poser!
- Matt: [loses his accent] Hey man, I'm not a fucking...
- Cooper: You're not even British!
- Josh: [discussing their flawed plan at the same time their friends are on the other side of the door thinking it's a lovers quarrel] Neither of us have ever done anything like this before so if we're gonna go through it, I want us to be safe!
- Cooper: Oh fine, I just thought you and I were tight back there. Just don't ever pull out on me again.
- Josh: I pulled out because I don't think you know what you're doing.
- Cooper: I'm taking over from here! You know Josh, you are so anal!
- [all the friends run after this]
- Cooper: My father's right. I'm a fuck-up. I'm a total fuck-up. You may be having this little holiday in Fuck-up Land, but I live here permanently.
- Matt: [singing] My words in my sperm, spewing forth my tragic...
- Matt: What the fuck do you two what?
- Josh: Are you a musician?
- Cooper: Are you in a band?
- Matt: Kiss... My... Arse.
- Josh: What?
- [Josh and Cooper look at each other puzzled]
- Matt: That's the name of the bleeding band.
- Josh: Oh, you're gonna be playing the big pre-finals party.
- Matt: Yeah, that's right - if I'm still around.
- Cooper: What do you mean?
- Matt: And who the fuck are you? Fucking Kurt Löder?
- Matt: WOULD YOU PISS OFF AND SHUT MY FUCKING DOOR!
- [Josh and Cooper hurriedly close the door, but remain in the room]
- Matt: Piss off!
- Josh: Oh, Piss off.
- Cooper: [On the way out of the room] What the fuck does piss off mean?
- Cooper: [caught by their clueless friends, Cooper grabs Josh and pretends to have an intimate moment with him in the bushes] Can we have some privacy, please?
- Cooper: [the friends leave] That was close.
- Josh: Cooper, they're probably thinking we're making out here.
- Cooper: [amused] I know, they're totally in the dark.