Elizabeth Hurley: Vanessa Kensington
Photos
Quotes
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Vanessa Kensington : Look, I know I'm being neurotic, but I can't shake off this suspicious feeling about that Italian secretary. You know, Miss Fagina. I don't want to sound paranoid, but I've had some bad relationships in the past, and I have been known to be jealous. I'm sorry.
Austin Powers : No, don't be sorry, baby. You're right to be suspicious. I shagged her.
Vanessa Kensington : What?
Austin Powers : I shagged her rotten, baby, yeah!
Vanessa Kensington : I don't believe you, Austin! I mean, she was repellant.
Austin Powers : Saucer of milk, table 2. Meow.
Vanessa Kensington : Well, did you use protection?
Austin Powers : Of course. I had my 9mm automatic.
Vanessa Kensington : You know I meant 'did you use a condom'?
Austin Powers : No. Only sailors use condoms, baby.
Vanessa Kensington : Not in the 90's, Austin.
Austin Powers : Well they should, those filthy buggers. They go from port to port.
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Vanessa Kensington : Mr. Powers, my job is to acclimatize you to the nineties. You know, a lot's changed since 1967.
Austin Powers : No doubt, love, but as long as people are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners without protection while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I'll be sound as a pound!
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[Austin and Vanessa see a man decapitated]
Austin Powers : Not the time to lose one's head.
Vanessa Kensington : No.
Austin Powers : That's not the way to get ahead in life.
Vanessa Kensington : No.
Austin Powers : It's a shame he wasn't more headstrong.
Vanessa Kensington : Hmm.
Austin Powers : He'll never be the head of a major corporation.
Vanessa Kensington : Okay, that'll do.
Austin Powers : Okay.
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Austin Powers : That's Dr. Evil's cat!
Vanessa Kensington : How can you tell?
Austin Powers : I never forget a pussy... cat.
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Vanessa Kensington : Mr. Powers, I would never have sex with you, ever! If you were the last man on earth and I was the last woman on earth, and the future of the human race depended on our having sex, simply for procreation, I still would not have sex with you.
Austin Powers : What's your point, Vanessa?
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Vanessa Kensington : Always wanting to have fun, Austin. That's you in a nutshell!
Austin Powers : No, this is me in a nutshell.
[acts as if he were in a nutshell]
Austin Powers : Help! I'm in a nutshell! How did I get into this nutshell? Look at the size of this bloody great big nutshell! What sort of shell has a nut like this? This is crazy!
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Austin Powers : Do I make you horny? Randy? Do I make you horny, baby? Yeah, do I?
Vanessa Kensington : [in disgust] God, I hope this is part of the unfreezing process.
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Austin Powers : That's fascinating, Vanessa. Listen, why don't we go in the back and shag?
Vanessa Kensington : What?
Austin Powers : I've been frozen for 30 years. I've gotta see if my bits and pieces are still working.
Vanessa Kensington : Excuse me?
Austin Powers : My Wedding tackle.
Vanessa Kensington : I'm sorry. Uh...
Austin Powers : My meat and two veg. My twig and berries. H-ello, lads, are you still awake?
Vanessa Kensington : Mr. Powers... Mr. Powers, please! I'd appreciate it if you could concentrate on our mission and give your libido a rest...
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Dr. Evil : [addressing the members of the U.N] Gentlemen, I give you the Vulcan...
[the drill is unveiled]
Dr. Evil : The world's most powerful subterranean drill.
Austin Powers : Does that make you horny?
Vanessa Kensington : [a little disgusted] Not now, Austin.
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Vanessa Kensington : What's your plan?
Austin Powers : [nervously] First, I plan to soil myself. Then I'm going to regroup and come up with a new plan. Any thoughts?
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Austin Powers : You're smashed.
Vanessa Kensington : No, I'm not.
Austin Powers : Yes, you are.
Vanessa Kensington : No, I'm not. I'm the sensible one. I'm always the designated driver.
[after a moment of silence]
Vanessa Kensington : Oh, kiss me.
Austin Powers : I can't, darling.
Vanessa Kensington : Why not?
Austin Powers : 'Cause you're drunk. It's not right.
Vanessa Kensington : No, I'm not drunk. I'm just beginning to see what my Mummy was talking about all those years ago.
Austin Powers : I can't.
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Austin Powers : No, you're right to be suspicious! I shagged her!
Vanessa Kensington : What?
Austin Powers : I shagged her rotten, baby, yeah!
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Vanessa Kensington : Hello, Mummy?
Mrs. Kensington : Oh, hello, Vanessa. And how's Austin?
Vanessa Kensington : He's asleep.
Mrs. Kensington : You didn't.
Vanessa Kensington : No! I made him sleep on the sofa.
Mrs. Kensington : Vanessa, I'm proud of you.
Vanessa Kensington : Why?
Mrs. Kensington : Because you've managed to resist Austin Powers' charms.
Vanessa Kensington : [laughing] Oh, well, God knows he tried, Mummy. I actually had to end up being rather firm with him. What about his teeth? It's really bizarre.
Mrs. Kensington : Darling, you have to understand, in Britain in the '60s, you could be a sex symbol and still have bad teeth. It didn't matter.
Vanessa Kensington : Did you ever?
Mrs. Kensington : Me? No, of course not. I was married to your father.
Vanessa Kensington : Did you ever want to?
Mrs. Kensington : Austin is very charming, very debonair. He's handsome, witty, has a knowledge of fine wines. Women want him, and men want to be him. Every bit an international man of mystery.
Vanessa Kensington : Yeah, well, you didn't answer my question, Mummy.
Mrs. Kensington : I know. Let me just say this: Austin was the most loyal and... caring friend I ever had. I will always love him.
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Vanessa Kensington : We're going to outfit you with this. It looks like a watch, but in fact, it's a geosynchronous positioning device.
Austin Powers : Very shagadelic.
Vanessa Kensington : And then there's this.
Austin Powers : Okay, let me guess. The floss is garrote wire, the toothpaste is plastic explosives, and the toothbrush is the detonation device.
Vanessa Kensington : No, actually. Well, since you've been frozen, there have been fabulous advances in the field of dentistry.
Austin Powers : W-What do you mean?
Vanessa Kensington : [understanding that he doesn't get the hint] Nothing.
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Vanessa Kensington : I'm gonna need you to sign these release forms.
Austin Powers : Release forms?
Vanessa Kensington : Well, yes. You're not officially working for the Ministry of Defence, and these forms indemnify the Ministry against any, um... mishaps that may occur in the line of duty.
Austin Powers : Mishaps? But isn't that what being an international man of mystery's all about?
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Austin Powers : Whatever happens, I want you to know that I feel really bad about that Italian bird. What I'm trying to say is... that if you want me to be a one-woman man, well, that's just groovy, baby.
Vanessa Kensington : Behave.
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Austin Powers : Alotta meant nothing to me.
Vanessa Kensington : Well, it means something to me. Austin, if you want us to have a relationship, you have to get it into your head that times have changed. You can't just go off shagging anybody anymore. And if you could, I wouldn't, because I'm not like that.
Austin Powers : Vanessa... you're everything to me.
Vanessa Kensington : You just don't get it, do you? Well, good night, Austin. Welcome to the '90s. You're gonna be very lonely.
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Vanessa Kensington : I look forward to working with you, but do me a favor and stop calling me "baby". You can address me... Agent Kensington.
Austin Powers : Oh, come on.
Vanessa Kensington : All right, then. Vanessa.
Austin Powers : Was that so hard?
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Vanessa Kensington : You know, I haven't had this much fun since college.
Austin Powers : Well, I'm sorry.
Vanessa Kensington : Why?
Austin Powers : I'm sorry that bug up your ass had to die.
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Austin Powers : So... which side of the bed do you want?
Vanessa Kensington : You're sleeping on the sofa, Mr. Powers. In fact, I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you that the only reason we're sharing a room is to keep up the context that we're a married couple on vacation.
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Vanessa Kensington : [holding up the penis enlarger pump] Austin.
Austin Powers : [being choked by Random Task] Honestly, it's not mine.
Vanessa Kensington : No, use it.
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Austin Powers : You know, Vanessa, I'll never forget the first time I saw you. You were so incredibly beautiful... so incredibly sexy... I knew I had to have you. Right then and there. Did you feel the same way?
Vanessa Kensington : Actually, I couldn't stop staring at your teeth.
