Liar Liar (1997)
Maura Tierney: Audrey Reede
Photos
Quotes
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Audrey Reede : Where were you?
Fletcher Reede : Having sex.
Audrey Reede : [bitterly] Well, I hope it was with someone VERY special!
Fletcher Reede : No, see - that's the thing. I don't even like her, but she's a partner and I thought I could help my career by making her squeal.
[Fletcher throws the phone away and drops to the floor in disgust]
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Fletcher Reede : I was hoping after being married to me you'd have no more strength left.
Audrey Reede : Well, you have to remember that when we were married, I wasn't having sex nearly as often as you were.
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Max Reede : Do the Claw to Mom, Dad! Do the Claw to Mom!
Fletcher Reede : Uh-oh. You've found the Claw's only weakness. Subzero temperatures!
[Splatting sound]
Audrey Reede : [sarcastically] So did you have any trouble finding the place?
Fletcher Reede : All right, I'm late. I ran outta gas! The gauge is broken. Rough neighborhood too. Good thing I was wearing neutral gang colors. Might've had to rip out my nine and bust a cap! My mind on my money and my money on my mind!
Audrey Reede : They'd never hurt you, Fletcher. You're their lawyer.
Fletcher Reede : Ooh. That was below the belt. Try to keep the gloves up.
Max Reede : Mom, Dad's taking me to see wrestling!
Audrey Reede : Ugh. Fletcher!
Fletcher Reede : Ugh. Audrey!
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Jerry : I love you!
Audrey Reede : Thank you.
Jerry : Well, that's wasn't exactly the answer I was hoping for...
Audrey Reede : Thank you very much?
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[the lights turn on after Max makes a wish and blows out the candles]
Max Reede : Mom? Dad?
[Audrey and Fletcher are kissing. After they break away, they look at each other in surprise]
Fletcher Reede : [suspiciously] MAX? Did you wish for your mom and I to get back together again?
Max Reede : No. I wished for rollerblades!
Audrey Reede : [awkwardly, to Fletcher] Uh... wanna cut the cake... Dad?
Fletcher Reede : I would love to... but I have this horrible pain in my arm...
Audrey Reede : Oh no... run, IT'S THE CLAW!
Fletcher Reede : NOTHING CAN STOP THE CLAWWWW!
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Fletcher Reede : Is this guy right for you? I mean, he's just so, not me!
Audrey Reede : Yes, that's one of his best qualities.
Fletcher Reede : Yeah, but he's kind of, Magoo... I'm sorry.
Audrey Reede : You're wrong! I mean, sometimes, maybe yes, he is a little bit...
Fletcher Reede : Magoo!
Audrey Reede : Yes.
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Fletcher Reede : Are you marrying this guy because you're mad at me?
Audrey Reede : No - I divorced you because I was mad at you.
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Audrey Reede : Do you know what your son was doing at 8:15 last night?
Fletcher Reede : No?
Audrey Reede : He was making a wish that for a whole day, his father couldn't tell a lie.
Fletcher Reede : [Realizing] Oh, my God, that's it!
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[Audrey pays off Fletcher's tickets for his impounded car]
Fletcher Reede : Thank you! I can't tell you how much this means to me!
Audrey Reede : I can: $1654.11.
Fletcher Reede : [yelling at attendant] HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT?
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Fletcher Reede : [after Fletcher steals a flight of stairs and gets injured at the airport, Audrey comes over to check on him] Audrey!
Audrey Reede : Fletcher!
Fletcher Reede : Great news! Both my legs are broken so they can't take me right to jail.
Audrey Reede : Fletcher, what were you doing? Are you out of your mind?
Fletcher Reede : [sits up] No! I'm thinking clear. I've NEVER been this clear.
Max Reede : [approaches] Dad?
Fletcher Reede : [smiles] Creep. I was getting kind of upset.
Max Reede : Are you all right?
Fletcher Reede : Yeah.
[points to his heart]
Fletcher Reede : But I'm hurting here though. I'm a dope, Max. All this time you've been here and I could see you anytime I felt like it but I didn't. Then your mom told me you were moving to Boston and I started thinking. I could be sitting around sometime; I wanna look at you and hold you and play with you. And I wanna be able to. I don't think I'm gonna do too well with that. I love you more than anything else in the world, Max. And you know it's true! I couldn't say it if it wasn't true. Not today. I love you. And I'll NEVER hurt you again.
[gently wipes a tear off Max's cheek with his thumb]
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Max Reede : Mom, Dad's takin' me to see wrestling!
Audrey Reede : Ugh! Fletcher!
Fletcher Reede : Ugh! Audrey!
Audrey Reede : Well, why do you have to take him to see that stuff? It's very violent!
Fletcher Reede : The boy must grow to be a warrior!
[Both grimace and grunt]
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Audrey Reede : Are you still picking Max up from school today?
Fletcher Reede : Here's the thing. I really can't. I had a case I was certain would settle, and it didn't, and I have to go to court this afternoon.
Audrey Reede : Right.
Fletcher Reede : It's true! I really want to see Max today!
[to himself, realizing he means it]
Fletcher Reede : How about that? I really do.
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Audrey Reede : I just had an insight into myself. I'm crazy. You call me up and say, "Wait right there, I'll be right over," and here's the crazy part, I actually wait.
Fletcher Reede : I can explain this, though.
Audrey Reede : I have missed a department meeting. I have... did you come here in a cab?
Fletcher Reede : Yes!
Audrey Reede : Where's your car?
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Fletcher Reede : Audrey, you can't go. This is not fair.
Audrey Reede : Fair? Oh, okay, let's define fair, shall we? Last night, a five-year-old boy was crushed because his father lied to him about coming to his birthday party. Fair?
Fletcher Reede : Last night...
Audrey Reede : Was none of my business.
Fletcher Reede : Thank you.
Audrey Reede : None of my business. Two years ago, it was my business. But, see, I don't have to care about that anymore. I don't care. That's the magic of divorce. But it matters to Max! Everything you do matters to Max and everything you don't do.
Fletcher Reede : All right, now let me tell you something. I'm a bad father! I mean...
[realizing it's true]
Fletcher Reede : I'm a bad father.
Audrey Reede : You're not a bad father, when you show up.
