Sean Kelly: You were never backward about being forward.
Sean Kelly: If you lay a hand on me again, I'll be mailing it back to you.
Dermot: There's a time in every relationship when you'll both bend over to pick something up and hit your heads together. Best to get it out of the way.
Sean Kelly: Things rarely go according to one's youthful, heroic master plans.
O'Hara of Aran Isle: Tell me, is that fella Dermot O'Brien still conning tourists into marrying complete strangers?
Marcy Tizard: I take it you've never had need of his services?
O'Hara of Aran Isle: Feck off! Me and Eileen, childhood sweethearts. Ah God, I miss her sometimes. That's her there.
[indicates a picture hanging on the wall]
Marcy Tizard: Oh, pretty. I'm sorry, when did she pass away?
O'Hara of Aran Isle: Huh? Oh Jesus, she's not dead! She's away on her holidays!
Marcy Tizard: Oh God, I'm sorry! I misunderstood...
O'Hara of Aran Isle: [laughs hysterically] God, that's priceless! Oh geez, I must remember that! Ha ha! Well, will you have some coffee? You will, you will, you will, you will...
Senator John McGlory: [as reporters surround his limo] Yes, yes, I hate you all. When I'm President I'll have you all killed.
Sean Kelly: You could never live here.
Marcy Tizard: What makes you say that?
Sean Kelly: You're a big city kind o' girl. You're-you're Mary Tyler Moore.
Marcy Tizard: Oh, yes. I am so very Mary Tyler Moore. Everyone says so.
Sean Kelly: No, but you're- It's like you need to be hooked up to the city otherwise your batteries go flat.
Marcy Tizard: Okay. So, I'm like a battery operated Mary Tyler Moore? If you flatter me any more I'm gonna have to toss your pale, Irish ass off the side of this boat.
Sean Kelly: Let me make an honest woman of you. Divorce me !
Moira Kelly: It's like gum in your hair. It comes out eventually.
Sean Kelly: Sometimes the easy way out is the right way out.
Marcy Tizard: It's so beautiful here. If it just had the New York Times, it would be perfect.
Tony with the 45 Minute Tan: I'll tell you me favorite color; bollix!
Marcy Tizard: Yes, hello? I'd like to call the United States from the SMALLEST FUCKING ROOM IN THE WORLD!
Millie O'Dowd: The management reserves the right to refuse admission to old farts!
Marcy Tizard: Excuse me. Dermot O'Brien might have arranged...
Fisherman: Dermot fecking O'Brien! Look, I'm not interested in getting married. I'm not interested at all at all. Tell him I'm gay or something.
Marcy Tizard: No, you don't understand. It's...
Fisherman: Oh God! Another fecking Yank as well. Who am I, huh? Aristotle O-fecking-nassis?
Sean Kelly: [Says something in Irish to the irate Aran Islander]
Marcy Tizard: What did you say to him?
Sean Kelly: I asked him if I could use his toilet.
Marcy Tizard: Impressive.
Sean Kelly: Yeah, well, it's the one little bit of Irish every school kid has to know because if you don't... well, if you don't say it in Irish, then you don't get out of the class, and if you don't get out of the class, then you go in your pants...
Marcy Tizard: Okay, I got it!
Dermot: Brigid won't be talking to you today because her teeth are away being repaired.
Marcy Tizard: Wow, he must really like that dog...