Twin Town (1997)

I'm nothing if not open-minded and so when I saw that "Twin Town" was scheduled to be broadcast on British Channel 4 television and having read the many favourable comments of IMDB reviewers I decided to "give it a chance" despite my reluctance to devote time to view which had been prompted by the unanimous thumbs-down given it by local critics.

I mean: bent coppers; wild and wacky joy-riding twins; revenge plot; karaoke acts; world record for use of word f**k in a movie.

How can it fail?

I'm still asking myself that question.

Much as I regret to say it and, while I won't go so far as to say that it was a waste of two hours, (actually it's not that long), I have to say that this film is a total mess. Almost uniformly lousy acting, witless dialogue, erratic pacing, more boringly inappropriate use of the word f**k than I've heard in any movie. And an ending which was signposted about 5 minutes into the film.

Even the much lauded "twins": rather than being wild and wacky, in their limited time on-screen more often than not they came across as being about as charismatic and threatening as wet blankets. And the sex bits reminded me of those awful "Confessions" movies starring Robin Askwith (maybe that's coloured my judgment of the movie)

Despite my fingers being ready and willing to type a longer review my brain just refuses to send any further list of defects to them.

Best bit and maybe only redeeming feature: When the bent copper beat up a boy's band member because they wouldn't get out of the road.(I laughed out loud!!) Or maybe that was because of the idea that scene gave me: what about enlisting the entire crew to give the same treatment to Boyzone, WestLife and the rest of the collective monstrosity known as Boy Bands. Because they'll hardly be snowed under with job offers after this.

I won't be giving it another chance which saddens me to say, speaking as a fellow Celt.

Sorry, boyos its V for Vile!