Samuel: I have to wear a fake fuckin' ass over my ass!
Hannah: This may come as a shock to you, but I think your padded ass is silly.
Sam: He's in the Jewish Mafia. It's probably more like a club than an organization.
Frank: (on the phone with Hannah) I'm wearing a mustache now. It's growin' in real good.
Veal Chop: [talking to Same and Eddie about Hannah] I tried to put my tongue in her mouth and she punched me in the penis.
Sam: [to Hannah] Remember me? I tried robbing your house... and you caught me.
Veal Chop: Are you psyched to become a man?
Little Big Fat: I don't know.
[Rehearsing what he's going to say to Hannah when she answers the door]
Sam: Would you like a Halls?
Hannah's dad: I once sold a woman a pair of exploding slacks.
Veal Chop: By the time I get home, flip on Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, I'm looking at 36 thousand of his hard earned female deer
M.C. Victor: From the floor to the ceiling, how ya feeling? From the bris to this, he can't miss. From the Wailing Wall to the reception hall, to all y'all. Put your hands together for Big Fat Bernie Gayle Junior.